Harry Potter and the Revenge of the Sues
by Angel of Music lover
Summary: Sequel to "Harry Potter and the Attack of the Sues". The kids are all grown up and blissfully unable to remember their last encounter with a demented Mary-Sue named Acacya. All of that is about to change... Rated T
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Once, a long time ago, I implied that there might be a sequel to my story **_**Harry Potter and the Attack of the Sues**_**. It's been a while, but I've decided to finally take myself up on that offer. Please let me know if this is a bad idea.**

**A few notes: **_**You**__**probably don't need to read the original to understand this story**_**. There will be quite a bit of summary in the beginning. Plus, it's not that difficult of a plot to pick up on. **_**This story is not written with cruel intentions**_**. I myself have written a Mary-Sue or two in my time, which you can find on my profile (more than likely). This story is just supposed to be fun. I've tried to include a melodramatic mood to help assure everyone that this is just a silly story and shouldn't be taken seriously in the least. **_**This was originally adapted from a story by crazyroninchic**_**. Her story was called **_**Never Leave FanFiction Lying Around**_** and it was fantastic. It inspired me to write the original.**

**With all of that out of the way, please try to enjoy the story. :) **

**Disclaimer****: I don't own ****Harry Potter****. I barely have creative influence in this concept.**

_Harry Potter and the __**Revenge**__ of the Sues_

Harry Potter opened his eyes after a long restful sleep, blinking them in an attempt to adjust to the light of the room. His wife, Ginny, slept on peacefully beside him and Harry could barely remember a time when they had been in the middle of a war between good and evil. It had only been two years ago. He smiled and carefully got out of bed with a mind to go and make a good breakfast for the two of them, knowing that their one-year anniversary was that day. His life was good.

Harry Potter never knew that before facing down the now deceased Lord Voldemort in his last year at Hogwarts he had been engaged in a battle and tortured in it. He did not recall a time when he had cried and his sanity had been stripped from him entirely. His wife did not remember, his best mate Ronald did not remember, and even his arch nemesis Draco Malfoy did not remember this time. This is because their memories had been wiped clean of the entire incident and false ones were present in their place. All of them were under the impression that they had spent two wonderful days in Hogsmeade in which they passed their time blissfully and innocently.

What actually occurred had been too terrible to imagine.

While wandering through the Forbidden Section of Hogwarts' Library their 6th year, Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley, and Hermione Granger discovered a book hidden there. It was authored by someone by the name of _PrettySprinklesSparklesRainbow_ and contained a main character called Acacya. Ignorant of its contents, the students took the book back to their Common Room and read it aloud with peers. They quickly learned that Acacya was a dreaded creature known as a Mary-Sue created by a FanFiction authoress and that she had her claws hooked into Harry Potter himself. They tried to escape the torturous in-depth descriptions of sex scenes, lavish concerts held at the school, melodramatic and incorrectly spelled plotlines, and glaringly incorrect information. But the Common Room had sealed itself, forcing all students to remain inside of it. The students, eventually joined by a teacher Remus Lupin, had no choice but to continue to read the story in hopes that this would break the spell.

Eventually, the culprit behind the book was revealed to be Bellatrix Lestrange, a Death Eater employed by the Dark Lord Voldemort. The book had been planted in an attempt to force Harry into causing his own death. And this plan nearly succeeded. All of the students, especially Harry, had been left mentally scarred and too afraid to enter dark rooms or corridors by themselves because of the frightening story. Acacya had truly ruined them. This was why the Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, chose to have their memory wiped of the horrible book.

However, some of the Professors at the school quickly learned that the book had not been destroyed when Remus Lupin set it on fire. The book had a powerful magic surrounding it and the character of Acacya never died. Therefore, after rescuing the Professors who had been trapped in the same Common Room as the students by the book (Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall, respectfully), trained professionals took the book to be sealed and left in a secret area within the Ministry of Magic. This way, none could open it and release the Mary-Sue ever again.

Again, Harry Potter had no memory or notion of any of this. He managed to live his life with at least one extra fear out of it. Along the way, he managed to destroy Lord Voldemort and find love as well with Ginerva Weasley. And this is where we find him now.

As Harry Potter, approaching his 20th year, descended into his kitchen to prepare a wizard breakfast an owl flew in from the open window to greet him. This would mark the end of his peace.

"Hello," Harry greeted the bird cheerfully. He walked over to check the letter hanging from the bird's leg. Once he saw it was from the Ministry of Magic, he untied it quickly and with great curiosity. "Thanks very much." The owl hooted agreeably at him and then flew away as quickly as it had flown in.

Breakfast briefly took a backseat in Harry's thoughts as he examined the letter. It was rather thin, so it couldn't have too much in it, but Harry decided that it wouldn't lessen the importance of it. He worked as an Auror for the Ministry but was not due in for work that day. He'd made sure that he took it off due to the anniversary he was supposed to celebrate with Ginny, who also worked for the Ministry.

Without much thought, assuming it might be a new work schedule, Harry tore open the wax seal and scanned the letter quickly. He noticed that it was dreadfully vague but also noticed a sense of urgency.

The letter simply read, _"Mr. and Mrs. Potter, I must write you to inform you that your presence will be needed next Thursday for an important meeting. There is a sudden development that has just been brought to the Ministry's attention, a development in nature that I must once more stress the importance of your presence. Please report to the Ministry's Library next Thursday for more information. Signed, Minister of Magic Rufus Scrimgeour." _

Harry's eyebrows rose. He hadn't known the new Minister to have such a panic or urgency in his tone. Not even when Lord Voldemort's power had been rising to dangerous levels. He wondered what could possibly be so 'important' as to have the Minister worked into a near frenzy.

Thoughtlessly, Harry set the letter down on the counter for Ginny to read for herself later. At that moment he needed to start scrambling some eggs and flipping some pancakes.

………………………………

Later that morning, as Harry was setting the table and calling for Ginny to come have some breakfast, there came a familiar crackling from the fireplace.

"Harry?" a male's voice called into the house. Harry immediately recognized the sound of Ron, his best mate and Ginny's brother. Harry jogged over to the fireplace and was greeted by Ron's head.

"Hullo, Ron," Harry greeted warmly. "What brings you by this morning? Ginny and I were about to have some breakfast."

"Sorry," Ron apologized sheepishly. Harry could tell that Ron was blushing and not just because he was flushed from the heat of the fireplace. "I just wanted to ask if you got a letter from the Ministry today."

Harry nodded, not entirely surprised that Ron received one as well. "I did. We're supposed to report to the Ministry on Thursday. The letter was bloody vague."

"Yeah," Ron agreed. "I was just wondering. You see—"

"Is that the voice of my charming brother?" Ginny asked as she stomped tiredly down the stairs. "Doesn't he know that today is just for you and me, Harry?"

Ron blushed violently again. "Hi, Ginny, it's good to see you as well." Ginny waved a hand in the general direction of the fireplace and continued on to the table. "Anyway, I was just wondering because I kind of got a funny feeling about that letter. That's all."

"A funny feeling?" Harry asked and then realized that he had as well. The letter had made him uneasy and he wasn't exactly sure why it had. He'd immediately brushed it off and had set straight to making breakfast.

"Well, I'll let you go," Ron promised and started to step out of the fireplace. Then, suddenly his head was back into sharp focus. "And Hermione says hello to the both of you. She's been pestering me since I stopped in to tell you that." Hermione and Ron were not married yet, but had been living together for quite some time. Harry and Ginny often joked that the two already argued and made-up like a couple that had been married for at least 20 years.

"Hi, Hermione," both Harry and Ginny chorused at once before Ron disappeared.

"What was that about?" Ginny asked as Harry came to sit next to her at the table. "Something about a letter?"

"The Ministry sent us one today," Harry explained and he retrieved it to show her. "We're supposed to report to a Library on Thursday."

"I didn't know the Ministry had a Library," Ginny mused as she skimmed over the letter. It didn't take her long because the message had been so brief. "That's strange."

"I assumed," Harry shrugged. "I always thought they had somewhere to keep documents and records and everything. I've never seen one, though. The letter must have something to do with work."

"You're probably right," Ginny agreed easily and let the letter drop to the tabletop. "No use worrying about this when we could be eating. Thanks, by the way." Harry chuckled when Ginny leaned over the table to give him a quick kiss and the two dug into the breakfast he had made. However, Ginny had not been set at ease by Harry's explanation. For reasons she could not explain, Ginny felt a sense of dread concerning next Thursday.

And if the two had known that those who worked outside of the Ministry received a similar letter, neither of them would have ignored their instincts in such a way.

Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley, Hermione Weasley (formerly known as Granger), Ginny Potter (formally known as Weasley), Neville Longbottom, Luna Lovegood, Seamus Finnegan, Dean Thomas, George Weasley, and Draco Malfoy, all received a letter from the Ministry. The coincidence, if any of them had been able to recognize it, could not be ignored.

All of them thought the letter might be a trap. And if any of them could see a reason why the letter would mislead them none of them would have answered it. However, all of them did indeed answer it and intended to be there come Thursday. And the letter _was _a trap.

………………………………………………

When Thursday came around, all 10 recipients of a letter from the Minister of Magic himself arrived outside of a Library. It was in a far corner of the Ministry, obviously not used often except for researchers who only came into work Monday through Wednesday. Harry, Ginny, Ron, and Hermione were the first ones to arrive at 10:30 in the morning. The others came in sporadically after this time until Draco Malfoy arrived at 11:45, marking the last of them.

"Does anyone know why we're here?" Seamus asked, looking at those he knew worked at the Ministry. None of them knew.

"I thought it might be some kind of witness thing," Luna offered, looking around the Library dreamily. "You know, because of what happened with Lord Voldemort." Many in the room still gave an involuntary flinch.

Draco, although he said nothing, wondered if this might be the case. Perhaps there was more debt to pay because of his actions amongst the Death Eaters. He traced the burned mark on his forearm nervously but managed to keep an air of boredom for the benefit of those around him. It wouldn't do for them to become suspicious of him again.

The group waited fifteen more minutes before getting anxious.

"Shouldn't Minister Scrimgeour be here by now?" Hermione wondered, shifting from foot to foot anxiously. Draco thought of ten ways to sarcastically retort to that but kept his mouth shut. He knew better now than to try and provoke any of these people. They were all adults and Hogwarts was far behind them. Or it should have been, at least.

Harry, in the meanwhile, was looking around the room with interest. As he was doing so, he spied a small pink book lying at the foot of one of the bookshelves closest to him. This seemed so out of place amongst the stacks of leather-bound books that he walked over to it and lifted it up. There was a note attached to the front of it, which he eagerly read.

"There's a note from Scrimgeour," he announced, turning back to the clustered group and holding up the book. "It's on this… pink thing." Why was the book so familiar? Why was something crying out within him to leave the stupid thing alone or, better yet, hide it from view so he couldn't see it? And again, why did the damn thing seem so _familiar_?

Hermione took the book and then read the note aloud. " '_This is the evidence that needs to be examined. I will be with you shortly but I had pressing matters to attend to. RS._' How odd. I've never known him to sign his name with just his initials. I always thought he liked to write the whole thing out."

"What is it?" George asked, sidling next to Hermione to read the title of the book. "The Return of Acacya Sunray Moonbeam by _PrettySprinklesSparklesRainbow_? What importance could _that_ possibly have?"

Everyone in the room was now seriously contemplating whether or not Rufus Scrimgeour had lost his mind. Finally.

"Well, let's take a look," Harry suggested, ever the faithful worker. He had little faith in Scrimgeour himself, even now, but had a great amount of dedication to his job. "Maybe it really does have important evidence." Ron seemed to scoff under his breath but did not contradict Harry out loud.

"I don't know," Dean suddenly balked, saying what everyone had currently been thinking. "Something about that book spooks me."

George snorted, showing a bit of his old good humor. "Come now, Dean. You can't tell me that something that's bright pink and has glued plastic gems all over it actually scares you? Wanker." He would never admit that something about the book put him off as well.

Dean flushed and didn't argue the matter anymore. No one seemed to be willing to side with him. For now.

"All right," Harry began. "Let's see what Rufus Scrimgeour wants us to see."

Without much ado, he began to read the opening paragraph of the book. But what Harry found there made his blood run cold.

**A/N: This was way too much fun. I love reentering Acacya's world. Please review!**

**And I promise not to reuse jokes. At least, I promise to not do it all the time. ;) The next couple of chapters, to those of you who may have read the previous story, might seem like the same old thing. Once I get past the summarization it will take a different turn. Promise! :)**


	2. Terrible Realizations

**A/N: Everything in **_**italics**_** is going to be Acacya's story. Anything that is in a normal font is what everyone is saying and how they are reacting. Just for future reference.**

**And it was also pointed out, thanks so much Ms. Jones, that (spoiler alert) Rufus Scrimgeour actually dies in the last book. I was going to try and get around that by claiming it to be Scrimgeour's son instead, but then I had a better (at least in my mind) idea. It's more interesting, at least. It'll be explained just a little bit down this page.**

**Thanks for all of the reviews! :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own ****Harry Potter**

"Well, come on then," Hermione snapped impatiently. "What does it say?"

Harry glanced at her, then at the rest of the group, and then back at the book. Reluctantly, he read the opening passage.

_Like, first of all, welcome to my Special Pretty Journal! Most of you don't know me, but I certainly know all of you. I know every single person that is in the room right this minute, like, reading this. You may have forgotten me. You may have beaten me once. But I don't accept defeat all that well. Or rejection (tee-hee). You will remember. You will suffer my wrath. And you, Harry, will love me forever._

_My name is Acacya Sunray Moonbeam. And I will have my revenge._

The silence was deafening in the room. After a few moments more of this awkward realization, Ginny turned to Harry with an arched eyebrow and a scowl deeply lined in her face.

"Who exactly is Acacya?" she asked darkly. Her face seemed to be representative of a lurking storm cloud. "What, is she some ex-girlfriend or something? Why does she want you to love her forever?"

Harry was at a complete loss. "I honestly have _no_ idea who she is!" he pleaded with his wife. "I've never met someone named Acacya in my life. Besides, I've only had two girlfriends my entire life. Cho was my first and you were my last." Ginny seemed appeased by this answer because she knew it to be true. It didn't settle the growing feeling of unease in the pit of her stomach, however.

"Do you think it's Romilda Vane?" Ron asked, suddenly pulling the girl's name from the back of his memory. The reality of his words quickly set in. "Whoa."

"Yeah, talk about a Hogwarts flashback," Harry groaned. "I didn't remember Romilda at all. Thanks a lot, mate."

"Neither had I." Ron had a look of pure confusion on his face. "Something about this brings me back to Hogwarts days. I don't know why."

"I was just thinking about school too," Neville piped up from the back of the group. "I was thinking about whether or not I had to turn in something for Snape's class. Why would I be thinking about an old assignment?"

Everyone else muttered something similar to Neville's experience. It seemed that instead of huddling in a Ministry Library they were lounging around in their Common Rooms at the end of a school day. It was unsettling for each and every one of them.

"It's probably because we're all seeing each other again," Dean suggested, trying to shrug away the strange occurrence. "I haven't seen most of you for two years. It brings back memories from school."

Harry shook his head and was frowning in concentration. "There's something _too_ familiar about this. Something more than nostalgia. The note in the beginning also makes me think that we've done this before." He looked around at the group solemnly. "I think this could be very dangerous." Hermione nodded silently in agreement with him.

"If it's dangerous," Draco snapped from the corner, unable to contain himself any longer, "Then Scrimgeour would obviously want Aurors in the room, which he's already done. Nothing to worry about."

Seamus awkwardly looked at the group and then cleared his throat. "I've been meaning to ask since we got here but no one else seemed to be weirded out by it." Everyone patiently waited for him to continue.

"What's the matter?" Hermione asked, a headache clearly forming because she was so stressed.

"… How are we getting messages from Scrimgeour, anyway? Didn't he…" Seamus trailed off for effect, wondering if maybe he was wrong about this. "You know. Didn't he die that time? I thought we had a new Minister."

Hermione rolled her eyes and heaved a huge sigh. It was clear that this topic was distasteful to her. "He's got a portrait of himself in the new Minister's office. Whenever the new one is too busy with other things, Scrimgeour will write letters himself through his living portrait. He still calls himself the Minister, even in death." Hermione looked rather irritated about all of this and clearly thought that Scrimgeour was a bit of a git. "We learned to respond to both of them because anything Scrimgeour says comes straight from the new Minister anyway."

"That's bloody weird," Seamus pointed out to her, shaking his head. Hermione just shrugged in a 'Well-what-can-you-do?' way.

"The Ministry is a strange place to work. You get used to it," she deadpanned and shook her head for emphasis.

"If we're done educating each other about obvious facts," Draco seethed, "Why don't you just read the bloody thing and get it over with? We all want to go home sometime today." Draco emphasized his sentence by sending a withering glare in Harry's direction. He hadn't sent a glare that powerful since his 6th year at Hogwarts.

"Fine," Harry snapped back irritably. He could feel the familiar pattern of him and Draco attacking each other falling smoothly into place. To distract himself from his quickly aroused anger towards Malfoy, Harry turned back to the book.

Harry took a deep breath and could feel his heart pounding dangerously hard against his ribcage. Ginny noticed his unease and grabbed his hand for support. Harry squeezed her hand in reply and then took another cleansing breath.

Then, he began to read.

_**The Return of Acacya Sunray Moonbeam!!!111!!**_

_**By: **__**PrettySprinklesSparklesRainbow**_

_Acacya was born the most beautiful girl in the entire world. Her hair could change colors depending on what light it was viewed from. For the most part, though, her hair fell in waves of beautiful, luscious amber. Her, like, skin was white and porcelain and her eyes sparkled with their blue/green/brown/purple/clear/pink coloring that so entranced all of her boyfriends. _("Wow, those are some eyes she's got," Ginny muttered sarcastically from the side.) _Her laugh was prettier than all of the birds in the world and she could sing better than Britney Spears and Fergie put together. Everyone she met instantly fell in love with her and she fell in love with all of the men she met. She was perfect. She was wonderful. She was flawless. She was everything any man could ever want. She was perfect._

_However, Acacya was born with a terrible curse. Her father never luved her and forced her to do chores all the time. Even when her favorite T.V. show of all time, "The Days of My Ex-Lover's Children's Dog's Lives", was on. He was ttly cruel and barbaric and Acacya would always contain sadness because of him._

_But tehn, this beautiful grl met her prince charming. He was Harry Potter, the man of her dreams and the lvr of her life. She met him when she discovered she was a witch and the two were inseperable. The two of them saved the world by defeating Lord Moldy Wart together with the pwr of luv. There was nothing they could not do. _

_Now, Acacya and Harry have left Hogwarts and are trying to have a family of their own. _(Ginny became unusually still and, oddly, incredibly jealous at this point. She did not like this girl starting a fictional life with her husband. Not. At. All.) _But there was something that neither of them knew. Acacya was going to dye._

"Her sporadic and atrocious grammar reminds me of something," Hermione muttered to herself. Ron took one look at her face and knew that she was trying to solve a difficult puzzle in her thoughts.

"Me too," Ginny agreed, tightening her grip on Harry's hand. Harry noticed and sent her an uncomfortable glance before flipping the page to reveal the first chapter of the story.

_Chapter One_

_Acacya and Harry sat underneath a huge tree holding hands in the middle of the night. The stars were so ttly beautiful and Harry was so ttly hot and Acacya was so ttly sexy that it seemed that everything in the world was so ttly perfect. However, the stars in the sky could not compare to Acacya's beauty and Harry told her so._

"_The stars in the sky cannot compare with your beauty," he whispered, wiggling closer to her and enjoying the peaceful moment. Acacya blushed modestly and wrapped his arms tighter around her body._

"_Nothing can compare to you," she whispered back. She knew it to be true. She'd had sex with Ron, Draco, Seamus, Sevvy, Neville, Dean, Fred _(George winced uncomfortably at the mention of his brother's name) _and countless other boys at her school and none of them were as good as Harry for her._

"Wait a minute," Harry cried out, staring at the book in surprise. "What exactly is this? It's not true! I never did any of these things! Is this a…"

"Story," Hermione finished for him, her eyes sparking with remembrance. "I think she's a Mary-Sue." Her eyes widened and she stared at everyone else in the group around her with growing suspicion. "Why would the Minister want us to read about a Mary-Sue?"

"What's a Mary-Sue?" Neville wanted to know, echoing the question that was on everyone else's mind. "Is she a mental case, or something? Is she someone that escaped from a ward?" Neville leaned forward and diminished his voice to a hushed whisper. "Are we supposed to find her? Is that what Scrimgeour wants?"

"Not quite. But close," Hermione muttered darkly, the humor gone from her eyes. "I've researched her before. Or heard of her, anyway. She's a fictional character created by writers. They're typically perfect, attractive, and utterly flawless. Not to mention that the authoress feels that she embodies this character." She frowned and thought about the story. "None of this makes any sense."

"Are we all trying to ignore this character's obvious sexuality? Just curious," Draco snapped in disgust. "I dated girls at Hogwarts that weren't as easy as she seems to be, which says absolutely nothing at all."

Everyone ignored Draco's crude comment.

"Somehow I feel like we've done this before," Hermione continued, referring to the book and the group she was surrounded by. "It all feels so familiar." Behind her, Draco clearly rolled his eyes in mockery of the constant word choice of 'familiar'.

"I agree," Ron spoke up from his spot next to Hermione. "It seems like we should be doing this at Hogwarts back when we were teenagers."

"But we didn't," Ginny protested, "We would remember something as idiotic and ridiculous as this book. Wouldn't we? It's so egregious that I can hardly…" Ginny stopped in the middle of her rant and it appeared that she had been struck dumb. Her eyes were wide and something seemed to slide into place in her mind. "Egregious."

"Yes, we all heard you," George informed her with a roll of his eyes. Every moment spent with the book restored him to his former jolliness. It wasn't to his taste just yet. "Egregious. It's a good word. Who bloody cares?"

"It triggered something," Ginny whispered, turning to face Hermione and ignoring her older brother. "A mess-up somewhere down the road. Something about 5th year." She took a deep breath before confessing, "I think we really _have_ done this before."

"Don't be stupid," Ron scoffed but then he too froze. "Whoa. I just had some kind of memory." He blinked and looked at Harry with a strange expression on his face. "You were hiding behind one of the Common Room couches. And you were crying. You were talking about jumping off the Astronomy Tower."

Harry raised his eyebrows and looked around in confusion. "That never happened. I assure you that it never happened."

Ron's color paled even more as he added, "You were talking about Acacya. About how she was trying to kill you."

Hermione's eyes lit up as well and she looked as if she'd finally figured out the complicated puzzle in her mind. "Hogwarts!" she announced, looking flushed with pride at her memory. "Don't you all remember that time where we _all_ went to Hogsmeade over the weekend but on the second day _all_ of us ended up in some horrible accident even though most of us didn't go together? Dumbledore said that we shouldn't be able to remember much about that time at Hogsmeade and none of us questioned it."

"Are you suggesting that our memories were erased?" Harry asked in surprise, looking between three of the biggest people in his life in disbelief. "No way. That's crazy. Dumbledore wouldn't do that. I'm not getting any of these weird flashbacks that you guys are."

"You just don't want to remember," Hermione explained, her eyes wide with sympathy for her dear friend. "And why _would_ you? The whole book focuses on you."

Harry looked around at his three best friends with mounting disbelief. Could he really be hearing this? Then, Harry shook his head fiercely and finally wrenched free from Ginny's grip. "This is all really, really dumb. Idiotic. I'm out of here."

"Harry!" Ginny cried in shock at her husband's sudden outburst. Harry didn't respond.

When he went to open the Library door, however, he found that it was locked. He pulled and tugged on it with all of his strength, which was considerable, but the door didn't even shift. He glared at it and then gave it a hardy kick. Still nothing.

"We're locked in," Harry growled with frustration. "I can't bloody believe this. The door seems to have locked its own bloody self." Harry glared at the door for a few prolonged moments before turning back to the others surrounding him. "It's just like last time." He sighed and sank into a dusty chair and shook his head with defeat. "I remember, all right?" When Hermione gasped in surprise, Harry was quick to amend this statement. "I remember _some_ of it."

Draco rolled his eyes. "Poor baby Potter," he sneered quietly to himself. "Some things never change."

Harry, not hearing Draco's remark, bowed his head and thought quietly to himself for several minutes. Finally, he held his hand out. "Give me the book so I can read it. It's the only way."

Ginny carried the book over to him wordlessly and then settled on the arm of the chair next to him. From there, she began to rub soothing circles on Harry's shoulder.

"It'll be okay, Harry," Hermione assured him. "We made it last time, obviously. We can do it again. We're more advanced with our magic. We'll come up with a way to get us out of this room."

"Just a dumb story," Seamus muttered for emphasis. Dean and Neville were quick to agree.

"It's not as if Acacya is actually real," Luna added, the first time she had contributed to the entire conversation.

Harry nodded to let them all know he heard. For the time being, however, he just wanted to get through the first chapter and pass the book off to someone else. Something told him that this was the way they did it the first time.

"_Harry," Acacya whispered, sending shivers up and down Harry's spine. "I want to have a baby. I want to marry you."_

_Harry turned to his beloved, smiling widely at her beautiful face. "And married we shall be. For shizzle." _

"_Really?" Acacya asked, breathless with anticipation. "Are you proposing to me?"_

"_Not yet," Harry smiled, a teasing glint in his eyes. "I want it to be a surprise for you. You were the biggest surprise of my life. I want to return the favor." _("You're such a softie, Potter," Draco sniggered in the background. The others couldn't help but smirk in spite of themselves.)

"_Harry!" Acacya squealed, gripping his shoulder. "That's the romantickest thing I've ever heard! More romantic than any of those reality shows put together!"_

"_You know it," Harry agreed, staring into Acacya's eyes as if they were the windows to his own soul. _("That makes no sense." George was shaking his head in disapproval.)

"_I love you," Acacya declared and the moonlight struck her face at the most perfect angle. She was an angle. _("Angel," Hermione corrected as if it was her destiny to do so.) _Harry's breath was knocked right out of his body._

"_I love you too," he managed to gasp. "I want you."_

Harry's face tightened and he began to flip through the pages. But it was too late. Ginny had seen the beginning of the sex scene over her husband's shoulder.

"There is _nothing_ romantic about that!" she shrieked, her face suddenly turning beet red. Despite herself, Ginny smacked Harry upside the head. Hard. "What a pig!"

"Ow! It's not like I actually did it!" Harry protested, rubbing his head tenderly. "Calm down, calm down!"

"Sorry," Ginny gasped, finding her way back to her seat. "That was just… shocking."

"Don't I know it," Harry moaned, his pallor taking on an unnatural green color. "The image is burned in my brain." Then, without further warning, Harry Potter fainted. Harry Potter the defeater of the Dark Lord, the trained Auror, fell into a dead faint before all of his friends.

It would not be the last time.

**A/N: Please review!**

**And yes, 'egregious' is a clue. Ginny used it in the last story to describe the book and it triggered her memory of the incident. :)**


	3. Acacya's Terrible Past

**A/N: Sorry for the delay! Thanks for all of the reviews! I really appreciate the support. And to answer a question that was submitted in a review, Bellatrix is definitely **_**not **_**behind the book this time. I did happen to remember that she was taken out in the last HP book. It's a mystery and you may be surprised to find who's running the show this time. ;) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own ****Harry Potter**

Hermione, Ron, and Ginny all frantically fanned Harry's face in hopes of reviving him. This time, their efforts were not in vain. Harry had only slipped into a temporary state of shock and quickly pulled himself out of it. However, this only intensified his feeling of hatred towards the journal and once his eyes opened again he immediately began to protest.

"No bloody way in hell am I reading anymore of this," Harry declared with a menacing edge to his voice. He pulled himself up off the ground back into the chair. "I'm done. Fuck this."

"Harry!" Hermione scolded, unintentionally slipping into her former Prefect self.

"No," Harry repeated stubbornly. "No more. I vote that we just sit around and wait for someone to notice that we're missing."

Hermione and Harry immediately broke into an argument with Ginny and Ron standing awkwardly by. It escalated to the point of name-calling and guilt trips with startling speed. Ron could not think of a time where Harry and Hermione had fought so fiercely.

"Oh for Merlin's sake!" Draco snapped, unable to hold his tongue any longer. "You four are Aurors. Surely they told you something about breaking curses. What _good_ are you?"

All arguing was immediately silenced. The four friends looked at each other, too stupefied to even move. Why had none of them even considered the fact that they could magic themselves out of here? It had been what they were supposed to be trained to do. They were supposed to be the best in the world at this sort of thing. Why didn't they remember?

"Uh, right," Ron said lamely and looked over at the sealed door. "… Hermione?"

Hermione rolled her eyes, trying to disguise her embarrassment, and moved toward the door. She studied it briefly, her eyes scanning. Then, she began to murmur some spells and counter curses, testing the door out. A few moments later, she returned to the group with a stunned expression on her face.

"I've never seen anything like it," she explained, shaking her head fiercely. "It doesn't respond to anything that I do. It just stands there. It doesn't even deflect the curses. It kind of seems to absorb them. Or something." Hermione took a horrified pause before adding, "I tried to Disapparate. There was something blocking me, kind of like at Hogwarts."

"Well, if Hermione doesn't know." Seamus cried, clearly aghast, "What chance do we have?"

"No," Harry repeated, walking towards the door himself. "You didn't see what was in that chapter, Hermione. If you'd seen you would _not_ have just given up that easily." Angrily, Harry began to try counter curses of his own, reaching far into the depths of his training. Ron, Ginny, and Hermione merely watched as Harry's desperate patience turned into a growing rage. Eventually, he was merely shouting hexes at the door in an attempt to force it open.

Unfortunately for Harry, the door _did_ deflect hexes. He soon stomped back to the others with boils littering his face. Frowning, Ginny cleared them up for Harry and put a soothing hand on his arm in an attempt to calm him down.

"Giving up, are you?" Hermione asked in her most restrained voice possible. "That's strange." Ginny shot Hermione a rather meaningful look.

"Shut up," Harry snapped irritably and rubbed his forehead in annoyance.

"You know Dark Magic, Malfoy," Ron sneered, turning to face the former Slytherin. "Maybe _you_ can unlock the door."

Draco seemed somewhat taken aback by this reference to his brief time with the Death Eaters. It wasn't a period of his life that Draco cared to remember. Then, he managed to make an ugly face at the Weasley and flicked his wand around in lazy circles menacingly.

"What would you do for me, eh, Weasel?" Draco asked smugly, still flicking his wand about. "Why should I help you lot? This experience is painless for me. The bloody girl is in love with Potter and, while the grammar and story is atrocious, there's nothing for me to fear."

"Oh, don't bother," George snarled, his anger barely contained. "Once a Malfoy always a Malfoy." He glared at Draco for emphasis before adding, "Some dragons never can change their colors."

Draco openly glared at the remaining Weasley twin but said nothing. George merely stared back with equal venom but also remained silent. He'd said his share.

Hermione ignored the spat and turned to Harry, looking at him pleadingly. "Please, Harry. Just keep reading the book. I have a feeling that is the only way to really figure this out. Meanwhile, I'll work on the door. I promise." Harry looked down at Hermione and then heaved a reluctant sigh.

"Fine. But after this chapter, Ron is _totally _reading." Ron looked up in surprise at the mention of his name, having been in deep conversation with Ginny.

"What was that?" he asked curiously, glancing between Harry and Hermione.

"Whatever," Harry mumbled noncommittally and picked the book up to continue reading it. "Just get going with that door, Hermione. If there's another sex scene I might be passed out for a lot longer than before."

"I'm on it," Hermione promised and walked back to the door to prove her point. Ginny glanced after her friend and then followed her.

"I'm going to help," she explained to her husband. "I'll just be off a little ways if you need me." Harry was slightly disconcerted about being separated from Ginny but decided not to comment on it. He decided that it would be far worse for Ginny to accidentally read another explicit passage. Their marriage could suffer from it, which frightened Harry more than facing the book alone.

Draco settled back down in his seat, sending a smug glance at George. George merely scowled back but didn't say a word. Instead, George leaned moodily against a wall and turned to Harry expectantly.

"I'm here for you, mate," Ron assured Harry, clapping him on the shoulder.

Neville and Luna huddled in close to each other, sending awkward smiles towards the other. Those two had always been on a similar wavelength and took pleasure in each other's company. Dean and Seamus lounged out by themselves and spent most of their time feeling bad for Harry. They didn't even _want_ to know what had freaked him out so badly.

Harry glanced down at the page cautiously to make sure it was safe.

_Acacya watched Harry sleep and realised how truely lucky she was. Harry was going propose! He was going to marry her! She'd never been more blessed in her entire life. _

_She remembered the last boyfriend she'd had that she loved enough to marry. The memory of it left her with great pain and now that she remembered it her breath came short and her heart raced. Tears stung the back of her eyes. Her boyfriend had been sooooooo mean!_

_(Flashback Mmorie)_

"_You slept with __**ten **__other men? While I was in the next room??" Chad screamed, his face turning purple with the effort. Acacya cringed away in terror._

"_Baby," she tried to reason, "It's not like they meant anything. They were just cute. I love you."_

"_I can't believe you're so calm about this!" Chad continued to scream, totally not even listening to Acacya's brilliant reasoning. "You had sex with ten other guys, Acacya! How can I ever forgive you for that?"_

"_We can have a threesome!" Acacya suggested helpfully, trying to come up with a genuine solution for the problem. "One time I can invite the guy. The other time you can invite the girl."_

_Chad stared at her with growing anger and insensitivity. "You're nothing but a sex maniac. That doctor was right."_

_Acacya was horrified. "That doctor didn't know what the hell he was talking about!" Acacya screeched, too mortified for words. "Why are you being so unfair?"_

"_Stay away from me," Chad snarled menacingly. "I never want to see your ugly face again."_

"_I am __**not**__ ugly!" Acacya screamed, the horror sinking into her system. "I did not care about those other guys. They were just hot. You can't expect me to be tied down forever!"_

"_Just get away," Chad hissed and left Acacya's home. _

"_You just don't understand me!" Acacya screamed after him, bitter tears swimming in her vision. _

_(End of Flashback)_

The room exploded with laughter. None of them could register that what they had just read was actually supposed to be taken seriously. Ginny laughed the hardest of all, falling over from the crouch she'd taken up to try and examine the bottom of the sealed door.

"This slut is the most ridiculous person I've ever heard of," Draco chortled, losing his cool composure for this one atrocity.

"She's not even a good writer!" Ron cackled, not really noticing that he had just added onto something that Draco had stated. "This is all so…"

"Melodramatic," Hermione told him from the door, finally getting over her own case of the giggles.

"Thanks," Ron grinned and turned to Harry. "My vocabulary has seriously improved because of Hermione."

"We _have_ to keep reading," Dean insisted, holding his aching ribs. "This is priceless. It's the best form of entertainment ever." Even Harry nodded in agreement, simply happy that he had not reappeared into the story.

"Are we all forgetting the seriousness of this?" Neville snapped, quickly bringing everyone to their senses and stopping their laughter. "This isn't fun and games."

"You're right, Neville," Dean conceded. Then he looked at Harry who had returned to his doomed expression. "Sorry, Harry. It was just so hilarious."

_Acacya begun to sob in real life, clinging to Harry's arm. Harry awoke with some alarm to find his beloved crying into his skin. _

"_What is the matter?" he asked gallantly, searching the ground. "Did you roll onto a rock? Did it bruise your tender skin? I will crush it. If the grass gave you a painful rash I will burn it all to the ground." His grim features assured Acacya of his seriousness._

"_No!" Acacya sobbed. She then quickly told her luver the story. Harry's arms tightened around her. _

"_He is a fool," he murmured into her hair. _("Actually, he sounded like a decent bloke in his right mind," Ron muttered from the side. "It's her that's bonkers.") _"He doesn't understand you like I do. I would never say any of those things to you."_

_Acacya stared up into Harry's face, causing her eyes to dry from the mere expression on his face. It warmed her skin and caused the tears to evaporate. "I know." _("Those are some powers you've got, Harry. Is your face akin to the Sun?" Hermione teased.)

"_Don't shed another tear for him," Harry commanded, holding her tighter still. "He is not worth your sadness."_

_Acacya sighed contentedly, her fears forgotten. She was filled with such love for Harry. She reached down and—_

Harry closed his eyes and quickly flipped forward several pages. He was muttering softly to himself, "Can't look again. Can't look again. Must be almost over. I've gone past ten pages."

Ron, however, sniggered. "I didn't know you had that kind of stamina," he chortled. He was immediately silenced when Ginny emitted a loud laugh from the door, however, suggesting that Ron should think otherwise.

Harry, thankfully, didn't seem to notice any of this. He finally stopped turning the pages, glanced down, and then continued to turn them.

"What a sick bitch," Seamus commented, shaking his head in disbelief when Harry turned past the 20th page.

When Harry glanced down again, he found it safe and he read the last few sentences of the chapter.

_Acacya luved Harry more than anything. She knew he would always be there for her. Unfortunately, she had no idea that she might be the one that would be doing the leaving._

"Done!" Harry cried and slammed the book down, raising his hands in the air. "It's clear. I'm done."

"What now?" Neville asked, looking around the room.

"We could always summon a Hinklepuff," Luna suggested brightly. "Its specialty is solving problems."

"… No thanks," Harry answered hesitantly, trying not to look at Luna too strangely. "We probably shouldn't bother it. We can figure this out ourselves."

"Good idea," Luna said approvingly. "Hinklepuffs are notorious for being extra cranky. He would probably be more likely to stomp about and destroy these documents than actually help us." Her wispy voice made this sentiment extra strange.

Ron and Harry exchanged a meaningful look. Draco looked as if he was going to say something rude but stopped himself after George sent him a death glare. He knew when to pick his battles.

"Someone should summon up some sticks," Hermione suggested as she tapped her wand carefully and experimentally against the door. Ginny was holding her hands out for any falling pieces of wood and straining to see any shifting of magic. "We can draw for who reads next."

"Or someone could spin their wands around a circle," Neville added, "Let the magic decide."

"That takes less effort. I'm into that idea," Ron agreed, sitting down to begin the circle. Everyone else follow suit.

Harry was last to join the ever growing circle in the middle of the floor. He took a deep breath before sitting down himself. "Luck be a lady," he muttered and then spun his wand around.

**A/N: Please review!**


	4. Jealousy and NearDeath Experiences

**A/N: Again, guys, thanks so much for all of your reviews! Each one inspires me to keep going with this story. As twisted and schizophrenic as it is. ;) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own ****Harry Potter****. However, I am trying my best to entirely destroy his fictional psyche. It's just fun.**

The wand slowly rotated and faced every person in the circle at least once. Finally, it began to slow until it hovered to a stop in front of Ron. He turned so entirely pale that every freckle on his face stood out.

"Merlin," he moaned and glanced nervously at the book. "I don't want to read it!"

"Justice is served," Harry smirked. Perhaps he really _did_ hear all of the sarcastic comments Ron had been making this entire time.

"I'm so sorry, baby," Hermione cooed, giving Ron a kiss on the cheek. "It won't be so bad. Maybe it'll be a short chapter and she'll die or something." Ron brightened considerably at the thought of this. _PrettySprinklesSparklesRainbow _certainly had been hinting at this possibility all along. George, Dean, and Seamus, however, simultaneously gagged at the public display of affection between the two.

After comforting Ron, Hermione and Ginny returned to their spot at the door. They were both entirely devoted to discovering any weaknesses within the charms holding it closed. Ron took his rightful place at the chair of doom.

Harry offered only mumbled words of encouragement, simply too ecstatic that he had managed to not be forced to read his own demented relationship with an absurd girl.

Ron flipped slowly to the marker that Harry had been sure to place before slamming it shut a few minutes before. Ron clearly did not want to be doing this but he cleared his throat and bravely began to read.

_Chapter Two_

_Acacya quickly ran to her second boy of choice, Ron Weasley, to tell him of her and Harry's upcoming engagement. _("Bloody hell!" Ron shouted as he realized his entry into the story while Harry started to laugh hysterically.)

"_No way!" Ron cried, grinning out of happiness. "You and Harry are, like, the best couple evah!!111!" However, Acacya could detect a note of jealousy to his voice._

"_I know!" she squeeled _("Like a pig?" Hermione asked sourly, now feeling the pangs of jealousy that Ginny had been experiencing earlier.) "_I can't believe it either! Oh, wait. I totally can. What guy WOULDN'T want to propse to me?" Acacya tittered happily and Ron joined in on the merriness._

"_Harry is a lucky man," Ron said wistfully._

"Hold on," Ron interrupted himself. "She's supposedly MADLY in love with Harry Potter. But then she leads ME on too?"

Hermione cleared her throat rather loudly and pointedly. "Are you suggesting that it _upsets_ you when she leads you on?" she asked meanly, a peculiar edge creeping into her voice.

Ron blushed beet red. "No, no. I'm just confused is all."

"She did admit to having sex with you," George pointed out with a smirk. "It's clear that disloyalty is another trait of the infamous Mary-Sue."

"… Right," Ron said, clearly still bemused. Hermione's face was still clouded over but Ron managed to notice _that_ at least. "Hermione, don't look like that. I love you. It's just a dumb story." Hermione nodded and smiled, looking infinitely better than before.

"_You should be the Best Man at our wedding," Acacya told him brightly, sticking her chest out somewhat. Just because she was almost engaged didn't mean that she couldn't show herself off every now and then._

_Ron noticed and he smiled widely. "Yeah, definitely." _("I thought you were my friend, Ron," Harry cried in mock outrage before laughing some more.)

"_Well, I have to go tell Draco too!" Acacya said. "I'll see you later, Ron!" Ron waved goodbye, staring at Acacya rather noticeably as she skipped away. _

_Acacya didn't mind not having a good girl friend to talk to. She and other girls never got along well with each other. It was because Acacya was infinitely more beautiful than all of them and they became instantly jealous when she stole their boyfriends' attentions. _

"Or it could be because you're a sad loser that thinks she's all that when really she's just a huge, unlikeable, bitch," Neville suddenly ranted. This exclamation was so out of the blue that everyone stopped what they were doing to stare at him.

"Neville!" Seamus cried, clearly impressed. Luna beamed at him, clearly proud that Neville had been able to vent his true feelings.

"Wow," Ron said, a grin slowly stretch across his face. "That was bloody brilliant, mate. Way to let it all out."

Neville, however, looked rather embarrassed. "I, um, kind of thought I was saying that to myself. I didn't know I said it out loud." He gave a nervous laugh and looked down at the ground.

"Still," Ron insisted, clearly in awe.

_Whatever. Perhaps she could talk Draco into being her Maid of Honor. Perhaps if she did a special favor for him…_

_And speak of the devil! There he was. _(Draco became very still. He had no idea he would be dragged into this mess. It now became apparent that he was considered one of the 'hot' characters.)

"_Draco!" Acacya called out to one of her best friends. _(To mock Draco, Ron began to read Acacya's lines in a high and girlish voice while reading Draco's in a deep, manly one.)

"_Acacya!" Draco called back and jogged over to meet her. "What's up?" he asked. He raised his eyebrows suggestively. "I think I know something that's up if you know what I mean."_

The stoic Draco buried his face in his hands. "Make it stop! For the love of Merlin, make it stop!" Everyone was stunned by this outburst. None of them had ever seen Draco break down before, not in this sort of way at least.

"Er, it's okay," Harry said hesitantly, still remembering the good things Draco had done for him during the War. George even clapped Draco on the shoulder before retracting his hand as if it had been burned.

Draco seemed to not notice this and kept his face hidden in horror.

"_No, silly," Acacya giggled. "Harry is going to propose to me!"_

"_Rlly?" Draco asked, having the same mix of joy and regret that Ron had. "That's so great, Acacya. You two will be very happy." _("What's with the weird abbreviations for everything?" Ron wondered.)

"_Thanks," she giggled. Then, at this moment of pure happiness, the hall was blemished by a terrible human being. _

_Hermy Granger. _

Hermione's eyes narrowed dangerously and she abandoned the door to turn in the book's direction. "Oh, she wouldn't dare," Hermione hissed, sensing where this sudden development was going.

"Oh, Merlin," Harry muttered under his breath, shooting meaningful looks at Ron. Ron didn't seem to notice and he began reading anyway.

_Hermy used to be friends with Harry and Ron when they didn't know any better. She was a vile, disgusting, hideous excuse for a girl. Her hair was greasy, limp, a terrible brown color. Her eyes were muddy and squinty, giving her a sick badger look. Her lips were much too large for her squished face and a terrible sickly color of white. Her complexion was filled with blackheads and dirt. Not to mention her hideous sense of style. J.K. Rowling had been far too kind with writing her character._

_If there was one good thing that Acacya could say about Hermy, it was that she hadn't been as bad as Ron's sister. Luckily, that dirty old slut had died at the hand of Lord Voldemort in the very school before Harry had defeated him. Really, Ron was so hawt. Acacya didn't know how Giny and Ron could have been related._

Both Ginny and Hermione blinked in outrage. Then, suddenly, Ginny's mood seemed to clear.

"Hey, I'm dead," she said with too much excitement, turning to Hermione. "I'm not gonna be in this story!"

Hermione merely glared. It was clear to everyone that hatred and jealousy was brewing. "You should go away now," Hermione suggested in a cool voice. "I can take this from here." Ginny gaped at the other girl.

"Hermione, don't be ridiculous," Ginny began to protest. But Hermione dismissed her with a sharp wave of the hand and turned her back on her. Ginny rolled her eyes and went to go sit next to Harry instead, clearly in a bad mood again.

"Hermione," Ron said in what was supposed to be a soothing voice. Hermione merely shot a hex at him out of anger, which Ron barely managed to dodge. He turned to Ginny with a look of slight fear. "She should be fine in a few minutes," he assured her with false hope. "Just give her time to cool off. This story is affecting all of us way more than it should."

"It's actually pretty scary," Dean added from his spot on the floor.

"I'll just keep reading," Ron said, clearly skimming past more insulting paragraphs about 'Hermy Granger'.

"_You and Harry are getting married?" Hermy asked in a slimy voice. "That's so sweet!"_

"_Yeah," Acacya muttered, looking adorably disgusted. _("That's quite a mental image," George snorted.) _"I gotta go," she said delicately. "I can't stand the stench here. I'll talk to you later, Draco." With that, Acacya sashayed away. _

"_Thanks a lot, Hermy," Draco said in a disgusted tone and pushed past the girl. Hermy burst into tears and ran away to the bathroom where she certainly would not try to wash up to disguise her horrible body odor. What a fuuuuuureak. _

"She's only saying it because she's jealous," Harry told his friend, turning to face her. "She knows how pretty you really are. Neville was right. She's just a jealous bitch." Hermione didn't respond for a while. Finally, she turned and gave Harry a grateful smile.

"I know," she sighed. She gave an apologetic smile to Ginny as a way to make up for snapping at her. "Sorry, guys." Ginny nodded and smiled in acknowledgement.

"It's understandable," Dean assured her. "We don't think you're vile." Draco made a small noise in the back of his throat to suggest otherwise but didn't actually say anything offensive.

"You're beautiful, Hermione," Ron told her, giving her a huge smile. Hermione beamed at him.

"I'm so sorry I threw that hex at you," Hermione apologized and then ran over to sit next to Ron. She hugged him tightly and ignored all of the teasing jeers from the others in the room. "Keep going. I'm starting to feel as sappy as this book." Apparently the door was going to be left alone for a while.

_To get as far away from Hermy as possible, Acacya was walking alone down the hallway, looking forward to meeting Harry later for lattés in the school cafeteria. _("What an ignorant creature," Luna sighed dramatically. "The Great Hall is nothing like a cafeteria and doesn't sell… whatever those are." Everyone was stunned that they'd found someone more delusional than Luna.)

_Suddenly, a hand reached out and grabbed her from a dark corner. A wand was jabbed into Acacya's lower back and a hand stifled her scream. _

"_Come with me, princess," the male voice sneered, dragging Acacya out of a back exit from the school. She quickly remembered her karate training and used it on the man, with instant results. She swiftly broke his leg, because she has ttly perfect aim! _("That would almost be cool in any other context," Seamus said glumly.)

_But there was more than one. Five others fell on her, stifling even Acacya's wonderful powers of self-defense. _

"_You'll pay for that girlie," the voice threatened. "The Dark Lord doesn't appreciate such things." Acacya's breath stopped. There was a new Dark Lord? __**Nooooooo!!!!1111!!!///**_

"_Harry!" Acacya screamed in her mind. "Help me!"_

_In the cafeteria of the school, Harry heard her. He immediately turned to Ron and Draco. "Acacya's in trouble!"_

"The powers of their unbelievably strong love formed a mental link between the two lovers," George mocked the book in an unnaturally high-pitched voice. "This way they could never be separated, not even in death!"

"Pretty much," Harry said glumly and shook his head.

"Gee, Harry. Do you and Ginny have that special power?" Ron asked sarcastically. "You need to know if you love her or Acacya more." Harry and Ginny swiftly sent Ron a death glare, which prompted him to finish the chapter quickly.

_The three boys instantly sprinted down the hallways, taking a shortcut to the emergency exit that they all had a bad feeling about. They were greeted by the sight of six cloaked figures carrying a struggling Acacya away into a dimly lit car. _("If they were Wizards, they would NOT have used a car," Hermione insisted.)

"_Let her go!" Harry screamed and began firing curses at the figures. Once seeing Harry Potter, they all dropped Acacya and fled. They all escaped but their threats still echoed in Acacya's mind. _

"_Harry" she cried, flying into his arms. "Harry, someone wants to kill me!" _

_Harry's heart clenched and he held her as close as possible. Tears streamed down his face _("Hey! Not cool!" Harry barked indignantly.) _He loved Acacya so much and he already lost her once in his life. It would never happen again._ ("Doesn't anyone wonder how these guys broke through Hogwarts' unnaturally strong protections?" Dean wondered.)

"_Im not going to let them hurt you," Harry vowed, holding Acacya even tighter as she sobbed against his muscular chest. _(George leaned over to tap Harry's chest. "Oooh. VERY muscular," he teased.)

"_They'll kill you," Acacya protested, forcing her tears to disappear so she could be strong for Harry. "There is a new Dark Lord. He wants to kill you for sure."_

"_I won't let you leave me again," Harry cried hoarsely, crushing Acacya against his finely sculpted abs. "I don't care what it takes." Acacya shivered at Harry's passion._

"Short chapter! Yesssss!" Ron crowed, slamming the book down in a similar fashion as Harry. "And there weren't even an sex scenes to deal with."

Harry glared darkly but managed to feel happy for Ron's luck.

"Did the chapter really end there?" Neville asked, his eyebrows rose in surprise. "That doesn't seem like her style to just end things."

"Nah, there was about five more pages of Acacya trying to save Harry and Harry hugging her tighter and tighter against his strong upper body assets," Ron explained, rolling his eyes dramatically.

No one, not even the ever-witty George or sarcastic Draco, could come up with a way to respond to that.

"Maybe she'll actually die," Ginny suggested optimistically. "Apparently, it happened before."

All any of them could do was hope.

**A/N: Please review! :)**


	5. A New Arrival

**Disclaimer: I don't own ****Harry Potter**

Once again, the wizards and witches formed a large circle. This time, however, Ron used _his_ wand (certain that it would not betray him) to spin around and choose the next reader. His faith in the wand was not in vain for the unlucky individual ended up being Luna. She looked as unsettled as Luna Lovegood could possibly look, which was not very much, as she accepted the responsibility with a small nod.

Luna settled quietly into the reading chair and examined the book carefully. "It really is an odd sort of thing," she mumbled quietly to herself, unaware that the others could hear her. "I wonder what sort of creature created it."

"Whoever or whatever she was, she probably designed it while in her padded cell in the loony bin," Harry grumbled, earning an amused snort from Ginny who was sitting next to him.

Despite this sentiment, Luna appeared unruffled as she opened the book and began to read aloud.

_Chapter Three_

_Acacya was so ttly fureaked out about what had happened today. It made her appreciate her time on earth more than ever. Her Harry-kins was nearby and loved her, which was more than she could ask for. She didn't want to leave him again. _

_At this sudden thought, Acacya remembered a bunch of things from last year. Things that she could never forget._

"Oh Merlin," George groaned. "And I bet you're going to tell us in great detail," he said, referring to the authoress and not Luna directly.

"Undoubtedly," Hermione affirmed, leaning against Ron to make herself comfortable. "She'll probably talk about the first time that she—"

"Whoa!" Ron cried, seeing where she was going. "Let's let Luna get this over with." In an undertone, he added to her, "Let's not freak Harry out prematurely. Give him _some_ sort of time to himself." Hermione couldn't help but agree with this.

_She remembured the first time she laid eyes on Harry. She had been in a black miniskirt and he had been undeniably HAWT! She'd wanted to rip his clothes off right then and let him—_

"Oh dear," Luna sighed, flipping forward some pages. This was almost the equivalent of Luna crying out in anger or disgust. It instantly gave everyone a bad feeling, Harry especially of course.

Finally, Luna found a spot to continue.

_Then there was the first time that she was alone with Harry. There had been a beautiful pillow fight and whipped cream fight. They both had been so—_

Luna abruptly stopped and began to flip forward the pages again.

"Doesn't she have any DECENT memories of her and Harry together?" Hermione cried, clearly outraged. "What the bloody hell is wrong with this woman!"

"I highly doubt she's a woman," George interjected, patting Hermione on the shoulder affectionately. "She's probably some crazy pre-teen girl who has very little life of her own. It's the only way it could be possible."

"Good point," Hermione agreed and sighed dramatically.

Harry was rather silent throughout all of this. He didn't like even this brief description of their, and he shuddered to think of it, _first time together_. Whipped cream? Pillow fights? It was enough to make him want to leap off of a rather large building. Once again, he wanted to throw a fit and make the madness end. Ginny herself was very concerned for Harry's sanity and wondered if she would have to help him search for gray hairs by the time all of this was over.

Luna finally decided to try again.

_Then there was the time that Acacya had died. _(Everyone sighed in relief, glad to hear about a memory that involved something painful for Acacya.) _She shuddered to remember it, knowing that it caused her Har-Har more pain that necessary. She had been floating in emptiness, simply waiting for someone to happen upon her and release her back into the real world. Which, of course, Fred had. He was a very sexy man, that Fred. (tee-hee) _(George somehow managed to stay stoic throughout this, but there was a mad glint in his eyes.)

_She didn't think she could die. _(Everyone's smug expressions turned to ones of pure horror.) _Of course, she would rather not test the theory out. She wanted all of her time alone with Harry. (giggle giggle) You know. For fun things. (twitter twiter) For just her and Harry. _("We get the idea!" Draco barked, clearly becoming more agitated by the second.)

_Anyway, Acacya knew that last year had been filled with downs and ups. She wanted this year 2 be painless and happy. She wanted this year to be painless, happy, joyful, pleasant, happy, sexy, jubilant, care-free, happy, sexy, blissful, enjoyable, happy…_

"She does this for another two paragraphs," Luna said, explaining the sudden break in narration. She found the appropriate spot and began to read again.

_Dying would rlly put a damper on Acacya's hopes. _("So, she has some kind of grasp on reality," Ron noted with a smirk.) _She must not die on Harry. They needed each other too terribly much. _

_The two were in their Common Room after the incident that afternoon, built especially for them last year with permission from Dumbledore himself. _("Oh Merlin," Hermione muttered darkly, rolling her eyes.) _They had just finished entertaining each other. _("You have a near-death experience and then have SEX afterwards?" Ginny exploded. Harry cringed and gave a cry of pain at her bluntness, causing Ginny to apologize profusely.)

_Acacya decided that she had to try and convince Harry once more not to avenge her._

"_Please," she pleaded, the sunlight streaming through the window caught the tint of her skin perfectly and it seemed to sparkle off and reflect in the mirrors around them. "Please don't do this, Harry. Let Dumbledore take care of it. Let Sevvy take care of it. Let anyone but us take care of it." Her hair rippled with her emotion, cascading around her face in fierce waves that accented her fierce sexiness in a way that Harry could not ignore._

"_You don't understand," he growled, taking her hands firmly in his. "I have to protect you. The Wizarding World needs our love to survive and that cannot happen if they come back for you." His hair was wild and his bright blue eyes were bright with determination. He was not going to listen to her. Acacya began to creye gently, the absolute sorrow on her face accented her beauty as much as her brilliant, sparkling smile did._

"We get it!" Seamus finally snapped. "You both are freakishly good-looking and that is the only thing that matters, isn't it?" His eyes were wide and his fists clenched in anger. "It's not as if you could focus on the actual plot instead of thinking up ways to make yourself more bloody attractive. That would just _kill_ you, wouldn't it?"

Everyone stared at Seamus in shock, unsure of what to say next. They all agreed with him of course, but his outburst was so violent that all responses seemed inappropriate.

"… And my eyes are _green_," Harry added defiantly, if not somewhat awkwardly. "Not blue."

This did nothing to ease the tension but Luna moved on anyway.

_The sight of her tears calmed Harry's temper and he released his fiercely tight grip on her upper arms to try and soothe her instead. _("Whoa, Harry. You're kind of abusive," George joked, wondering why a girl would find that interesting in a man.)

"_I'm srry," he apologized. "OMG, I'm so sorry." _(No one seemed to know what 'OMG' meant but decided to ignore it anyway.)

"_You just have to understand that I can't let them hurt you again."_

"_Then let's get away from here," Acacya sobbed, hugging him to her. "Let's run away to Rio where everything will be sunny and perfect and we can start a family!" _

"Oh, bloody hell," Harry surprised everyone by chuckling. "She seems to be comfortable having fictional sex with me so she must know my character by now. I wouldn't run away from my problems to Rio. That would just be selfish and dumb."

"You're right, Harry," Hermione agreed. "Mary-Sues are delusional but not _that_ delusional. Especially when it comes to the objects of their affections." The fact that Hermione agreed cheered everyone up in the room

Everyone except for Luna, who felt badly about shattering their precious hope.

_Harry looked at her determinedly. "Okay. That sounds like a good compromise."_

Everyone was floored. They hadn't quite realized how dangerous this book had been until this moment. It was one thing to get everyone else's characters wrong, but to totally rewrite Harry's? The 'hawtest' guy at Hogwarts? It was unbelievable to them.

"Blimey," Harry muttered. He then put his head in his hands, lowered it down to his knees, and left it there for the rest of the chapter. He didn't even flinch the rest of the time the book was being read. Not even during the most cringe-worthy moments.

"_Really?" Acacya asked breathlessly, her breath coming in short gasps. "You'll run away to Rio with me?"_

"_Of course," Harry promised, once more taking her hands in his, but gently this time. "Dumbledore will understand. But we'd better bring Draco and Ron along for protection."_

"_I really think that's for the best," Acacya purred. _("Of course you do," Ron mumbled bitterly while Draco paled in the background.)

"_And maybe Hermy if we need some kind of decoy," Acacya added, not minding in the least that Hermy might be killed in this act._

"_Of course," Harry agreed immediately. "What else would she be good for?"_

"_Nothing," Acacya replied sweetly._ (Hermione restrained her response to a mere grunt but its meaning was no less clear.)

"_Oh," Acacya sighed, smiling longingly at Harry. "I do wish my friend was here."_

"_You have some other friend back at home?" Harry asked, now vry curious. "Why did you not mention her before?" _

"_I missed her too much and did not want to trouble you," Acacya explained. _

"That's a lot of rubbish," Dean pointed out, shaking his head in disbelief. "Hasn't she already said that she had no friends that were girls? Why the sudden change?"

Hermione, unfortunately burdened with information that she remembered from her last encounter with a Mary-Sue, explained. "A Mary-Sue will often randomly introduce new plot points without really thinking them through or explaining them very well. She just does things."

Everyone took a moment to absorb this.

"Rubbish," Dean repeated, still shaking his head. He'd certainly had just about enough of this book.

"_What was her name?" Harry asked. "Was she was pretty as you?"_

"_Of course not!" Acacya scoffed, "There's no one prettier than me. But she was the next most beautiful girl I'd ever met. Her name was Sophye." _("Merlin forbid that anyone be prettier than YOU," Seamus snorted, earning more amazed stares from his peers.)

_Suddenly, there came a frantic knock at the door. _

"She wouldn't!" Ginny yelped, suddenly leaping to her feet.

Harry's muffled reply, as he was still hiding his face, was, "You _know_ she would." His tone could only be described as miserable.

"Oh Merlin," Draco was chanting silently to himself so no one else could hear his panic. "Oh, Merlin. Oh, Merlin. Oh, Merlin."

Luna herself looked deeply upset as she read the final lines.

_Acacya jumped up from her bed, remembering to cover herself modestly with a robe, to answer the door. Harry followed, also grabbing his matching pink robe, to answer the door with her._

"_Who is it?" Acacya asked sweetly, trying to remember if she had asked Draco to stop by tonight. _

"_Guess," came a beautifully feminine voice which tinkled like sweet birds. Acacya stopped cold, a smile growing across her face. _

"_Sophye?" Acacya asked, hardly daring to believe it. She opened the door wide and revealed the second most ravishing creature that Harry had ever seen. _

_She was tall, but not too tall, with long tanned legs which she showed up with her tight black mini dress. Her blonde hair fell nearly to her knees and her brilliant sapphire/blue/emerald eyes sparkled in recognition of her friend. _

"_Acacya!" she cried, throwing her arms around her dear friend. "I got a letter too!"_

_Acacya trilled with happiness as she held her friend closer. "You came just in time! We're all going to Rio together!"_

"_Ooh, me lovey the Rio," Sophye said wittily. "I need a new tan anyway." She noticed Harry and she smiled wider. "This your guy?"_

"_Yeah," Acacya said fondly, linking her hand with Harry's. _

"_Good for you," Sophye congratulated her friend. "He's hawt!"_

"_I know," Acacya giggled, tickling Harry affectionately. Harry giggled and twisted away from her fingers before regaining his composure. _

"_Welcome to Hogwarts!" Acacya squealed, once more throwing her arms around her friend. "Have I ever got some gossip for YOU!"_

"_Bring it on, girlfriend!" Sophye said and the two skipped over to the bed._

Luna quietly closed the book and set it down for the next person to find. Then, she began to survey the damage the passage had done.

Harry had finally moved from his position to bash his head repeatedly against a nearby wall. Ginny was staring blankly before her, too stunned to move. Draco, George, and Neville also took up this position. Seamus and Dean were running around in circles, screaming for help in case anyone should be walking by at that moment. Ron and Hermione were busy hexing the walls and the windows and the portraits, seeming to believe this to be the answer to everything.

Luna merely waited for it to pass. There had been numerous interruptions, as she thought there would be, as she read the final paragraphs but she had ignored them all to get through the chapter. Now she had fulfilled her duty and only had to wait for the next to be chosen.

The commotion continued on for several more minutes, almost an eternity to those trapped in the room. Then, suddenly, a realization seemed to hit Hermione Granger. She smacked a hand to her forehead and gave a sudden cry of, "Of course!"

Everyone stopped being crazy for a moment to notice as Hermione suddenly streaked towards one of the many portraits adorning the walls.

There was an old man, inexplicably sleeping in his portrait through the noise, which Hermione quickly woke with her sudden pounding on the wall surrounding him.

Ron soon followed her, peering over her shoulder curiously and wondering what she was up to. Harry, however, seemed to realize her conclusion as he too lifted a hopeful and enlightened face towards the same portrait as Hermione.

"Do it, Hermione!" he cried. "Before we all loose our bloody minds!"

Hermione took a deep breath. Then, she put all professionalism aside as she shouted into the old man's face. "Get me Rufus bloody Scrimgeour! And don't take your sweet time doing it!"

**A/N: Scrimgeour's painting is in for an earful, that's for sure. Please review! :) **

**And I'm sorry if your name is Sophie or any other form of it. I tried to pick a more obscure name like Acacia for the new arrival but was having trouble finding a good one. If it's any constellation, I picked the name for a reason. Sophia actually means 'wisdom', which I thought might be ironic. :)**


	6. Abandonment and Blossoming Love

**A/N: Sorry for the delay! I think this is the longest amount of time I've taken to update. Anyway, this is the longest chapter yet. So hopefully that makes up for it. :) Although, it's also the most random, so maybe not…**

**Also, sorry for any glaring spelling/grammar mistakes on my part (not on Acacya's because it's only to be expected). I tried my best to self-edit but haven't had a lot of time to do so. Sorry!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own ****Harry Potter****. ****However, I am trying my best to entirely destroy his fictional psyche. It's just fun.**

The old man grumbled audibly but seemed to sense the urgency in Hermione's voice. How he could have continued to slumber throughout all of the commotion is inexplicable, but he must have had some idea of what was going on.

"He's in an important _meetin'_," the man sighed sleepily. He clearly was as annoyed with Scrimgeour's antics as those who worked in the Ministry. "But I'll get 'im for you anyway." He then shambled off out of the picture, without complaint, to find the deceased Minister. Hermione, who was closest to the painting, could hear him mutter, "Bloody idiot ought to come to his senses soon enough." The insults were continuous but became too distant to understand.

"Well," Ginny stammered, looking beyond embarrassed. "I guess we should have thought about that earlier."

"It's the only way to contact anyone outside of this room," Ron added, quickly seeing the genius of this plan. "Looks like the demon woman finally overlooked something." The thought cheered all in the room.

However, disaster soon struck once more.

Once Ron made this comment, everyone thought they heard an amused twitter from somewhere in the room but were unable to find the source. Ron quickly became convinced that it was actually Draco trying to mock him, yet again. When he confronted him about it, however, things went from bad to worse. The book had put Ron on a dangerous edge.

"What the bloody hell is _your_ problem?" Ron snapped, whirling to face the blonde Malfoy. His face was turning red with anger while Hermione covered her face in her hands out of exasperation. "Do you _like_ the notion that this woman has been blocking our means of escape all this time?"

"No!" Draco cried, visibly surprised and offended by this accusation. "I don't know what in Merlin's name you're bloody talking about! _I_ didn't laugh!"

"That's a load of rot!" Ron fired back. He was getting dangerously worked up and Harry moved forward as if to grab his arm. "You're just mad that you didn't think of this idea yourself!" Draco leapt to his feet, reaching for his wand to point threateningly at Ron before Ron could grab his own wand.

Before Harry could do anything, however, George beat him to the punch. "Ron, calm down," he said, standing up to prevent his brother from causing bodily harm to Draco. Harry raised his eyebrows in surprise but backed up a little, allowing someone else to handle this problem for a change.

"Are you defending him?" Ron shouted, clearly surprised and betrayed. "You would defend the Weasel before your own brother?"

"Just back off, Weasley," Draco snapped, unable to use his usual substitute for Ron's last name. He could hardly offend George, who happened to have the same last name as Ron and was also trying to keep him from getting injured. Not that Draco couldn't take care of himself. But Ron did seem to have grown taller since the last time Draco had seen him and he had gained some muscle because of his training…

"Honestly," Harry sighed, finally tugging on Ron's shoulder. He looked rather terrified as he added, "Don't you _get_ it? Draco didn't laugh, Ron."

Ron was quiet and snuck a glance at the book. It looked way too innocent to be up to anything good, sitting on the chair like that. Its pink coloring seemed to shimmer at him mockingly and Ron allowed himself to accept the truth. The book was more alive than any of them could have guessed.

"Yeah," Ron muttered, taking a few steps away from Draco. "Sorry," he apologized, not really directing it toward either George or Draco. This left it open for interpretation, although Harry found it likely that he was really apologizing to both of them.

George shrugged it off, clearly too unsettled about his quickness to defend Malfoy to really care. Draco looked equally unsettled by this unsuspected camaraderie between the two of them. Neither of them looked at the other for a long period of time.

Once things cooled off in the room, the old man returned with a younger one in tow. Rufus Scrimgeour, or what was left of him, was now glaring at the wizards and witches in the room from his painting. He was very disgruntled indeed.

"What did you need?" he asked crankily. "I was in the middle of a _very_ important meeting and—"

"We know," Hermione snapped, holding up the note they had found on the pink book as a reminder. "We've been told." She immediately crumpled the note and shook her head in disgust. "How could you _do_ this to us?"

Now, instead of haughty, Scrimgeour looked simply bemused. "I'm sorry, what did I do to you?"

Hermione gave him her most poisonous glare before regretfully snatching up the book to present to him. "_This_ is what you've done! How could you leave us alone with such a monstrosity? It's entirely unprofessional!" Hermione once more seemed to forget that she was supposed to be a highly trained Auror. But it was hardly the point, of course.

Now Scrimgeour looked at the young witch as if she was completely mad. "I'm terribly sorry, but I truly don't have the slightest idea of what you're on about. I certainly did not leave you that book to read. I've never seen it before In my life."

The truth hung in the air between them as everyone in the room stared at the painting in shock. They even excused Scrimgeour's reference to his 'life', which was of course at an end.

"What rubbish!" Harry cried, temporarily forgetting that Scrimgeour was almost like his superior. "You sent us all letters last week to report to the Library today for something very important." Harry reached into the pocket of his robes and pulled out the letter that brought him here as proof. "And then you left us this note on a frilly pink monstrosity saying that you would join us later! What's the meaning of all this?"

Scrimgeour motioned for Harry to bring the letter closer, which Harry obliged to. He pulled out some reading spectacles and read the brief letter before shaking his head sadly at Harry.

"This letter is not in my likeness at all," Scrimgeour insisted. "It's much too brief for my taste and hardly informative. Plus, most of it is a large continuing sentence. I like to think that I've got a lovely grasp on the concept of grammar, to be blunt about it." He shrugged his shoulders and adjusted his tawny hair. "I don't know who sent you that letter."

Once Scrimgeour said this, the facts clicked into place for more than just Hermione Granger. Everyone knew. This had been one large set-up from the beginning.

"The Mary-Sue," Neville whispered, daring to say what everyone was too frightened to admit. He slumped against the wall and buried his face in his hands, the body language of one suffering a major defeat.

"Mary-Sue?" Scrimgeour barked. His expression changed from a man who was very confused to a man who was very alarmed. "There is a _Mary-Sue_ around here?"

"In the bloody book," Ron explained hoarsely, not looking at the portrait at all. His gaze was fixed on the fuzzy pink book where Hermione had set it back down. "The book that you never gave us to read."

Scrimgeour paled and looked more frightened than any of them had ever seen him appear. While they all had their issues with the former Minister, they all had admitted that Scrimgeour was not one to show fear or defeat. Now he was displaying clear signs of both major flaws.

Scrimgeour blinked at all of them slowly before suddenly turning around. "I must be returning to that meeting," Scrimgeour insisted, hurrying out of the picture. "Have fun with your story-time. I really must be off."

Rugus Scrimgeour was running away.

"Stop him!" Hermione cried to the old man who was still lingering in the corner. But it was too late. Scrimgeour was gone and the old man seemed too drowsy to make any effort to follow him.

"Sorry missy," he croaked, settling back into his chair. "I do believe that our fearless leader," he snorted doubtfully, "Has run off and left you lot here." And with that, he fell fast asleep once more. Hermione knocked on his portrait but nothing could rouse him from his nap. They were truly stuck.

"Bloody hell!" Ron roared, now directing his irrational anger towards a source other than Draco Malfoy. "What a bloody, sodding, prick! He _left_!"

"I knew there was a reason I never liked that man," Harry muttered darkly to himself, shaking his head in disbelief. "He knew exactly what was going on and he abandoned us."

"What are we going to do about food?" Seamus suddenly wondered, looking more anxious than ever. "We've passed lunchtime and it seems we're going to be stuck in here for a long time. What are we going to eat?"

"We can probably conjure something," Hermione said, although she had some doubts about this theory. It was entirely possible that Acacya had put charms to protect the room against all magic.

"I really think we should select another reader," Luna suggested from the back of the room. "Isn't that the only way out of this?"

"As far as we know," Ginny snapped, not really liking the idea of continuing on with the demented story. "We might be just wasting our time reading that rubbish."

"What else can we try right now?" Hermione rationalized, immediately siding with Luna. "We can't disapparate from here and obviously we're not getting any help from the Ministry any time soon. It's really our only chance."

Ginny had nothing to add. She settled for glaring angrily at the book that had been replaced on the chair. It was all the book's fault, anyway. Ginny rather wished that she had the power to make the book spontaneously burst into flames. Perhaps _that_ would get them out of there.

Despite all of their better judgments, the wand was already spinning around the circle and soon Dean was walking up towards the uncomfortable chair. He looked clearly distressed but didn't make any spoken acknowledgement of it. He took it like a man.

Dean did not even address the group before beginning the next chapter.

_Chapter Four_

_Sophye fit in amazingly at Hogwarts. It was a total shame that she couldn't stick around much longer. With Acacya leading her, the two of them would have ttly ruled the school together. Too bad. _

_Instead, they got to rule Rio together. _("Those poor innocent civilians," Seamus muttered.)

"_Are you all packed, yet?" Acacya asked Harry sweetly. All ten of her suitcases were full to the brim with all of her beautiful clothes. Another five were full of make-up (not that she used much, teehee) and hair products (which she hardly used either). _("Whatever. She uses all of it.")

"_Almost," Harry promised. Harry had three suitcases to pack that were solely devoted to his shoe collection, so Acacya could be patient._

Everyone turned to look at Harry, expecting some kind of outburst. However, Harry merely stuck his chin up a bit higher and remained eerily silent. This was more disturbing than another tantrum thrown by the man who was once The-Boy-Who-Lived.

_Sophye was also packing, her beautiful blonde hair floating around her lily-white shoulders beautifully as she did so. Her full red lips were turned upwards into a smile and her delicate nose was crinkled adorably as she shared in some kind of inner joke. Her fingers folded the clothes delicately and with a precision unknown to most humans, even wizards. In fact—_

"Yeah, I can't bloody take this," Dean finally snapped. He flipped forward a couple of pages into the book and shook his head. "Honestly…"

"This girl is just as bad as Acacya," Ginny moaned dramatically. She was officially done putting up with this book.

"Tell me about it," Dean agreed, suddenly recalling when he and Ginny used to date at Hogwarts. Apparently, Ginny also remembered this because they both became very quiet at the exact same time. Harry noticed and looked between the two curiously but their faces didn't seem to betray any emotion.

Finally, Dean found his head again and began to read. Ginny felt very embarrassed and was internally cursing whatever it was about the book that made her feel like a fifteen year-old again. It was very inconvenient.

_If Harry didn't already love Acacya with all of his heart, he might have fallen for Sophye. Luckily, she seemed to have someone else in her sights._

"_So, that Draco Malfoy is coming with, right?" Sophye asked innocently, smiling at her friend Acacya. Acacya smiled back knowingly._

"_Yeah, he ttly is," Acacya said, her grin growing even wider. "He's such a hottie, isn't he?" She giggled, knowing that she didn't even need to ask._

"_Oh yeah," Sophye agreed enthusiastically. "So is that Ronnie. I'm going to have a hard time choosing between them."_

"_Who says you have to?" Acacya asked with an amusing wink. Sophye twittered nervously, the thought never had crossed her mind. Acacya felt accomplished with her vast knowledge of love._

"_That Draco sure is dreamy, though," Sophye sighed._

Draco suddenly stood up, a rather frantic expression fixed on his face. "I'm going to take a crack at the door, yeah?" he informed the group before heading over there. The grim determination on his face said it all.

Ron hesitated before also standing. "I should… help…" he stuttered lamely as he gathered his wand. Draco quickly became in charge of the door while Ron became focused on testing the windows and searching for secret passageways. Their previous animosity was entirely forgotten in this time of need.

"Poor blokes," Hermione sighed, turning to look at Harry. All she saw on his face, however, was a very amused and vengeful expression. She rolled her eyes. Harry could be such a baby, sometimes.

However, Hermione wasn't feeling too hot. Now a Mary-Sue was fixated on _her_ boyfriend _specifically_. No good could come from it, and if she had become insanely jealous through insinuations from Acacya alone, she could hardly imagine what actual descriptions might be like. The thought made her shudder all over.

_Just then, Draco and Ron burst into Acacya and Harry's room. Sophye blushed adorably at their presence and smile up at them beautifully. _("At the same time?" George asked in mock astonishment.)

"_Are you guys ready for Rio?" Draco asked, shaking some maracas around enthusiastically. He adopted a sexy Mexican accent, which made more than just Sophye swoon. _(It was clear that the real Draco was trying very hard to ignore this. The others were trying very hard to NOT crack up at this mental image, however. Although, the authoress' ignorance was a good cause for laughter as well.)

"_Yup," Harry agreed, levitating his, Acacya's, and Sophye's suitcases to carry them downstairs. _

"_Partay time!" Ron cried enthusiastically, helping Harry with the suitcases. "This was such a good idea, Acacya."_

"_Of course it was," Acacya agreed simply, blushing modestly. _("Talk about your contradictions," Neville chuckled.)

_Downstairs, Albus Dawg was waiting to say goodbye._

"_We will miss you all terribly," Albus said, frowning with sadness. "But we understand your reasons for leaving. And rest assured, we are searching for the punks who did this to you."_

"_Thanks, Albus," Acacya said sincerely, taking his hands in her own. This seemed to fill Albus with… joy._

"_We had you for such a short time," Albus said tearfully. "You are such a beautiful soul. Both of you are. Sophye, I only wish you had been able to grace the halls with Acacya for a longer period of time. You are a beautiful soul as well."_

_Acacya and Sophye looked at each other knowingly. Then, they turned back to Albus and began to sing a moving song together. It was their last gift for the school that had changed both of their lives._

"Oh Merlin," George sighed, seeing where this was going.

"This should be painful," Ginny agreed in a much too cheerful tone. Harry was wincing next to her.

_In perfect harmonies, they sang._

"_I don't want another pretty face_

_I don't want just anyone to hold_

_I don't want my love to go to waste_

_I want you and your beautiful soul_

_I know that you are something special_

_To you I'd always be faithful_

_I want to be what you always needed_

_Then I hope you'll see the heart in me_

_You might need time to think it over_

_But I'm just fine moving forward_

_I'll ease your mind if you give me the chance_

_I will never make you cry, c'mon let's try_

_I don't want another pretty face_

_I don't want just anyone to hold_

_I don't want my love to go to waste_

_I want you and your beautiful soul_

_You're the one I wanna chase_

_You're the one I wanna hold_

_I won't let another minute go to waste_

_I want you and your beautiful, beautiful, beautiful soul." _

_Acacya and Sophye totally wrote that together. It was a beautiful song. Albus and everyone else were crying tears of love for the two beautiful souls._

The wizards and witches in the room were now doubled up in laughter at the expense of the authoress. They were going to take any opportunity to share in their mirth against one common evil: PrettySprinklesSparklesRainbow.

"I kind of wish I knew what this song was," Dean chuckled. "I'm very curious as to what it would actually sound like."

"And you have to know that they totally did not write this," George asked, finding air between gusts of laughter to form the words. "They stole it from some Muggle artist, no doubt."

"Oh Merlin," Harry chuckled, "I can die happy now." The vindictive edge to his voice brought everyone back in control of their amusement. Therefore, an awkward silence followed this announcement before Ron nodded to Dean.

"Probably should keep going," he suggested. Dean actually agreed.

**A/N: Please review!**

**The song used in Acacya's story does not belong to me. Nor does it belong to either fictional Mary-Sue characters or authoress. Jesse McCartney performs it, and probably owns it, and I made no profit in the use of the song. Nor do I take any enjoyment from the song, no offense McCartney fans. ;D It just happened to fit. **


	7. A Thickening Plot and an Innocent Child

**A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews! :D **

**Disclaimer: I don't own ****Harry Potter****. ****However, I am trying my best to entirely destroy his fictional psyche. It's just fun.**

"Probably should keep going," Ron suggested once the room had come to an abrupt halt in their laughter. Dean actually nodded in agreement.

"_You too are the greatest singers evah," Albus declared. Acacya and Sophye blushed modestly, knowing this to be a high compliment. Besides, when a hawt guy gives you a compliment, you take it with a smile. _("Oh…" Hermione gasped quietly, shaking her head. She didn't have to say anything more than that.)

"_I love you so much," Harry also declared, wrapping his dearest Acacya into a tight hug. _

_Ron and Draco also expressed such emotions to Acacya, although they turned to Sophye rather quickly. Acacya felt a bit of irritation at not having those two all to herself anymore, but decided it was best that those two move on. She was going to be married to Harry and could not be with them as often as she usually was. Sophye could fill the moments in between. _("You can keep THEM and ditch ME if you want," Harry mumbled, which luckily went unnoticed by Ron and Draco who were still trying to open the door.)

"_We really need to go to Rio now," Acacya announced, causing everyone to smile widely. "Where is Sevvy? I must say goodbye to him!"_

_As if by magic _("No way!" George cried sarcastically.) _Sevvy appeared before them. _

"_I am here to say goodbye," he purred and Acacya flew into his arms with a squeal. It seemed like ages since she had revived his fun-loving spirit with her simple words of love. He used to be dreary and depressed. Now he was a HUNK!_

_Sevvy's blonde, luscious hair fell into his bright blue eyes, which showed of his tan, muscular complexion. "We are going to miss you here." _

"Oh… my… Merlin…" Draco suddenly choked, turning to face the book. "Did she really just write that about _Severus Snape_? A wizard who was very well-respected and feared while he was alive?"

"Yes," Harry agreed, feeling his mouth turn dry. Again. "Scary."

"Not to mention that Snape never had that sunny of a personality," Ron added. "Sorry, he turned out to be a great guy and everything, but come on. He was darker than the drapes he put up in the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom that one time."

"The girl is just bloody delusional," Ginny snapped. "Why are we so amazed every time it happens?"

No one had anything to say to that. Therefore, Dean took that as his cue to read in order to fill the silence.

"_Never forget me, Sevvy," Acacya pleaded, hanging onto his muscular arms. "And don't let Minnie forget me either. You two are so adorable together!"_

"Oh, ew!" Ginny yelped. "That's disgusting! Severus and Minerva?"

Everyone immediately turned and gave Ginny a 'you're-such-a-hypocrite' glare. She blushed crimson at this and shrunk down in her seat.

"Sorry. It was startling," she apologized feebly.

"_I will never forget you," Sevvy assured her. _

_Then, Sevvy and Albus both broke into song. _

"_Near, far, wherever you are_

_I believe that the heart does go on_

_Once more you open the door_

_And you're here in my heart and_

_My heart will go on and on."_

_Acacya began to creye, so did Sophye at such a touching display of emotion from the two older men. _

"_That was beautiful," she sobbed. Unable to bear anymore sad goodbyes, Acacya immediately thought of Rio and disappeared there. The others soon followed after her but none were crying as hard as Acacya was._

"It's really becoming less funny and more terrifying," Neville noted. "She used another blatantly plagiarized song and none of us even laughed."

"It's just… bad," Hermione agreed, shaking her head. "The level of bad that it is really is not amusing in the least."

"Well, at least they're out of Hogwarts now," Harry said brightly. "That means that I'm more likely to return there for visits and more likely to allow my children to attend. There will be fewer memories to keep me away."

"True," Ginny agreed, getting over her previous embarrassment.

_Then, Acacya was in Rio and all of her sudden sadness disappeared. The bright afternoon sun beat down on her face and Acacya could already feel the tan forming. She sighed. Nothing like a good tan to get you over your sadness._

_Harry was the next to arrive, then Sophye, and then Draco and Ron. They were all naturally very concerned for Acacya's wellbeing._

"_OMG, OMJ, OME are you okay?" Sophye squealed, wrapping her arms around Acacya in a big hug. _

"_I'm fine," Acacya said, nodding. "I was just so sad about leaving all of them behind." She looked down, gnawing on her lowerlip in an embarrassed gesture. "If there's one thing I've always hated, it's saying goodbye to people. I've had to leave so many that I'm emotionally scarred. _("Really? Because you seemed to have no problem leaving your father, your boyfriends, and your supposed best friend to come to Hogwarts," Ron pointed out helpfully.)

"_Oh, love," Harry cooed and held her tight. Acacya stayed there for a moment before pulling herself away from him. _

"_Well, it's okay," she smiled. "We're in Rio now. Let the party begin!"_

"_That's what I like to hear!" Draco crowed and he dashed off to check into the hotel room. _

_Then, Hermy Granger arrived. "Sorry I'm late," she rasped in her deep man's voice. "I was trying to fix my hair up real nice for today." She then smiled, showing off her greasy, messy hair that had birds living inside of it and her yellow, disgusting teeth. Acacya and Sophye both flinched in disgust. _

"_Oh yeah. That's right. You ttly had to come with," Acacya said with a roll of her eyes. "Your job is going to be to keep out of our way unless one of those creepy guys show up. Then you're supposed to stand in front of everyone so they can kill you first."_

_Hermy's gross eyes filled with tears and she ran away, screaming how no one loved her._

"_You've got that right!" Sophye called after her, laughing merrily as she did so. Acacya laughed as well for it was a very witty joke._

"_She tried to get together with Ron," Acacya sneered to Sophye. "Thank Seacrest you came along and put THAT to an end."_

"Merlin," Dean sighed, shaking his head at the book. "That's just bloody brutal."

"Yeah, what else is new?" Hermione asked, shrugging her shoulders as indifferently as she could manage. Ron noticed her sadness and gave up the search to come and rub her shoulder encouragingly.

"At least you won't have to have sex with either of them," he said truthfully and returned back to the windows.

Surprisingly enough, this brought Hermione's mood up considerably. Her smile brightened and she leaned back in her seat feeling more content than before. It was true. She would never be in a compromising situation with Acacya or Sophye. Ever. That was worth some meaningless name-calling. Ginny and Luna also brightened at this thought, even though Ginny was technically already dead in this story.

_In the hotel, there were twenty swimming pools. Acacya and Sophye squealed excitedly, happy that there was a reason they had brought their hottest swimming suits with them. They were going to get those guys all worked up until they—_

Dean paused, leafed forward about ten pages, and then found a new place. "She had some fantasies," he explained. Gallantly, he chose not to share any part of those fantasies with the group.

_So that was the first thing they did. They changed into their totally hot bikinis and went down to the pool. Acacya's was a hot pink number while Sophye wore a bright purple one. They were matching and showed off every positive aspect of their stick thin bodies. Probably because there was nothing negative to try and cover up! Tee-hee! _

_Then, the guys came out and were wearing matching speedos. Acacya and Sophye squealed happily and motioned them over to the pool. The guys grinned and ran over._

Ron frowned in confusion. "What's a speedo?" He looked incredibly innocent and bemused at that moment. Hermione almost hated to bring him into the harsh reality. Almost.

She walked over to where he was standing and whispered a brief description in his ear. Ron immediately turned beet red, all the way up to the tip of his ears, and let out a slightly girlish squeak.

"Why would any bloke in his right mind want to wear something like that?" he asked, clearly horrified. Draco, who was not far from Hermione, overheard the description as well. He turned an interesting shade of green and had to sit down for several moments to allow himself to recover.

Harry just grimaced in sympathy at Ron and Draco. He had been a large enough part of the Muggle world to know what they were and he was also sickened by the idea of wearing one. Especially for such monsters as Acacya and Sophye.

Hermione seemed ready to enlighten the rest of the group but all of the remaining wizards quickly protested.

"We're much happier being ignorant, thanks," George cried, covering his ears protectively. Dean, Seamus, and Neville all nodded enthusiastically in agreement. Hermione shrugged and sat back down, not seeming to mind being spared another explanation.

"_You guys look so hawt!" Acacya squealed, running over to give them all a kiss on the lips. Harry got the longest one, though._

"_You look hawter," Draco disagreed, eyeing both girls hungrily. They looked good enough to eat._

"_Oh, you are so silly," Acacya giggled, while Sophye blushed deeply. Draco fixed his eyes on her and smiled warmly. _

_Acacya giggled when she noticed the blooming love and then turned and jumped delicately into the pool. The water hardly made any waves because she was so thin and small. _

_When she jumped in that pool, however, Acacya could sense something was different. Something deep inside of her. _

_And then, without any warning, Acacya resurfaced from the water and then promptly fainted. The waves crashed around her and her eyes rolled into the back of her head._

_She had just realized that she hadn't had her period for two months._

Dean set the book down and gave a short laugh. "Well, more to look forward to. Acacya is going to have a baby."

Everyone blinked.

"Noooooo!" Harry suddenly screamed, leaping up from his seat, pushing Draco out of the way, and throwing himself against the door. Ginny and Hermione followed him with equal fervor.

Luckily, amidst the screaming, there were several who kept their heads. George and Dean got to work trying to get Ginny to calm down, Neville and Luna took Hermione, while Seamus, Ron, and Draco all forced Harry back to his chair. This took several minutes, but soon all were back in their seats and huffing angrily.

"We have to calm down!" Ron barked, suddenly taking charge of the situation. "This is exactly what she wants. She wants us to completely flip out and kill ourselves trying to escape. Calm the bloody hell down!"

"I can't do this!" Ginny suddenly burst out into tears. "I really can't. I have my limits."

"We all have reached that point, Ginny," Ron countered, kneeling in front of her. Frowning, he shook her shoulders lightly. "You're the girl who went through so much your last years of Hogwarts. Your friends, and the boy you loved, all left to fight some hopeless battle while you never thought you would see them again. You managed to survive in a school run by Death Eaters and you never gave in. You can take this."

"Yeah," Neville agreed softly. "We're all tougher than this."

Ginny gulped some air and calmed herself down, finally. She knew that they were right. Seeing her recovery relaxed all in the room and Hermione patted her hand comfortingly while Harry managed to cool off enough to give her a one-armed hug.

"We can make it through this," Ron nodded. "We really can."

Harry looked at his wife to make sure she was all right. Then he evaluated his own strength and mental state. It was not going very well, but Ron had a good point. He had been through so much worse.

"Okay, okay," Harry agreed. "I'm brilliant now. We should try to make the most of this." He was exaggerating but knew that he had to try harder to keep it together. He'd already had more meltdowns in the past few hours than he'd probably had in a whole year.

Just as Harry was accepting the idea of being trapped in the room even longer than he ever thought, Ginny's sniffling came to an abrupt halt. Her eyes widened to their limits and she turned dramatically to Harry.

"Harry…" she stammered. "Wasn't it our day to look after Teddy?"

Harry stared at her blankly and tried his best to recall who Teddy was supposed to be. Then, all at once it came to him. Teddy Lupin. Of course. His godson.

"Mr. and Mrs. Tonks were going to drop him by when we got back from the Ministry," Ginny continued. "We were supposed to be back about two hours ago."

Harry shook his head in disbelief, trying to make sense of what was going on. "Teddy. Well, obviously we're not in, so they're bound to take him back home with them. We can make it up by watching him all day tomorrow."

As Harry rationalized this, however, the door to the Library miraculously opened. Everyone leapt to their feet in surprise. A Ministry official then entered the room, smiling at them pleasantly. Before anyone could recover from the shock of the previously sealed door opening so easily, the official was speaking.

"Mrs. Tonks stopped by," she explained pleasantly. "She said that she was supposed to drop Harry off with the Potters. I took it upon myself to bring him down here for you."

"No!" Harry suddenly protested, lunging for the door. "Wait, wait just a minute."

Perhaps the Ministry official could sense the dark magic and the panic in the room. Perhaps she knew about the Mary-Sue. Or perhaps she was just in a hurry to be elsewhere. She did not listen to Harry's desperate cry for help and instead dropped a small boy with bright turquoise hair into his arms and was gone again. The door shut firmly behind her.

Harry stared blankly after the woman and then desperately pulled at the door. It was locked again. Just as he knew it would be.

"Oh my Merlin," Ginny gasped, grabbing Teddy from Harry's arms. "Oh, this is not good."

"Teddy is still just a baby!" Hermione cried. "Isn't he only two years old?"

"Almost three," Harry said dazedly, leaning against a nearby chair for support. "The door was open! It was bloody _open_ and we missed our chance."

"And now there's this innocent little chap," Ron said softly, staring at Teddy in wonder. "Subjected to this evil."

Ginny moaned. "What are we going to do?"

**A/N: Poor Teddy! Please review for his sake!**

**And again, the song used in **_**PrettySprinklesSparklesRainbow**_** does not belong to me or to her. It's the property of James Horner and Will Jennings, who actually wrote it for the film **_**Titanic**_**. **

**And in case you're normal and don't know these things…**

**OMG: Oh my God!**

**OMJ: Oh my Jonas!**

**OME: Oh my Edward (Cullen)!**


	8. Babysitting and Psychic Secrets

**A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews! There was some (hopefully faux or light-hearted) outrage over my decision to introduce Teddy Lupin to this story, and I'm sorry. I mainly decided because I had dragged his dad, Remus, into my last story and thought it was only fitting. I assure you, no harm shall come to Teddy. He will be taken care of. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own ****Harry Potter****. However, I am trying my best to destroy his fictional psyche. It's just fun.**

"Harry, this just won't do," Hermione snapped, examining Teddy who was safely in Ginny's arms. "We can't expose a _child_ to this awful story. He has his whole life to learn the awful facts of life for Merlin's sake! He doesn't need to start _now_!"

"Well…" Harry hesitated, also looking steadily at his godson. "He's still just a tyke. I don't think he can really comprehend everything going on—"

"Teddy was always exceptionally bright!" Ginny argued, becoming rather emotional. She had begun to think of Teddy as her own sort of son and she was slipping into a maternal instinct. "He's always been able to read emotions in the room. Look, his hair is changing color already!"

Sure enough, Teddy's hair was changing from its usual turquoise shade into a darker blue. It was a bleak shade and he stared around the room with wondering eyes. He'd already sensed the black mood and was reacting accordingly, just as his mother used to. However, he was barely aware of this change and was not quite in control of his talent.

"Couldn't you cast a silencing charm over him?" Draco asked, looking uncharacteristically worried. Granted, as a schoolboy he would have been disgusted by such a product of a werewolf/pureblood wizard relationship. However, he still had enough sanity and sense of self to recognize that the child was in grave danger and he sympathized with him.

If anyone was surprised by this show of concern from their previous enemy Draco Malfoy, none of them showed it. Everyone was too concerned about what to do with Teddy to really ignore his opinion simply because they didn't like him.

"That's a good idea," Hermione mumbled, moving forward to give it a go. Draco's eyebrows rose considerably high to hear this kind of praise from Hermione Granger. He actually was unable to think of a good Mudblood or know-it-all joke to counter this act.

Sadly, the silencing charm did not appear to work. Teddy responded every time that one of them said his name by smiling and turning to face the speaker.

"Bloody Mary-Sue," Seamus groaned, sitting down in a chair. "She's sadistic."

"Well, there's only one thing to do," Ginny said with some forceful finality. "We're going to have to carry Teddy to the far side of the room, have someone babysit him where he can't hear this devilry, and switch off every chapter. He can't come near this book."

Harry looked rather excited about this plan and carefully grabbed Teddy from his wife. "I believe I'll volunteer myself for the first turn," he said with a somewhat cracked smile. "I'll take him to the other side and entertain him."

"Why does Potter get the first turn?" Seamus cried, looking rather indignant. "We didn't even get to discuss the subject of shifts!"

Hermione and Ginny shot Seamus rather pointed glares while Luna gently shook her head disapprovingly. Seamus seemed to get the hint but still glowered quietly in his seat while Harry traveled to the other end of the Library.

Quietly, so only Teddy could hear, Harry was whispering, "It's terrible that you've gotten into this mess, but you've saved my ass." Teddy seemed to take the positive from this because his hair turned into a bright yellow of pleasure.

Once Harry and Teddy were out of sight, Dean walked over to Seamus and placed the book on his lap. "You get to read next," he declared, "Because you tried to keep poor Harry here longer than he should have to be. He's the focus of this entire wonky story, after all." Seamus looked outraged.

"That's ridiculous!" Seamus cried, turning to the voices of reason known as Hermione and Ginny. "Please tell Dean that's he's absolutely bonkers and let the wand decide who is taking the next bloody turn!"

Hermione seemed to consider for a moment before shrugging her shoulders indifferently. "I think it's brilliant. If we just choose someone ourselves who hasn't had a go yet it'll save us loads of time." Ginny nodded in agreement and no one else in the room seemed to disagree either.

"Well, I won't do it," Seamus said stubbornly and refused to move from his seat. "Not without a fair trial." After some threatening wand and fist gestures, however, Seamus decided to accept his new responsibility.

He did manage to send one more sweltering glare at the rest of his peers before cracking the book open. Seamus' thoughts were quickly put into perspective, though, when the book seemed to emit another girlish giggle when he opened it. It forced him to recall how desperately they needed to get through the chapters and get out of this room. So, without further ado, he began to read in his heavily accented Irish tones.

_Chapter Five_

_Harry dove dramatically into the pool after his tru love, Acacya. She had not surfaced for nearly ten minutes and he knew something was wrong. _("You are exceptionally bright, Harry!" George shouted across the Library, earning an irritated, muffled response from Harry.)

"_Acacya!" he screamed, the water miraculously sensing his urgency and not filling his lungs. "Where are you?"_

_He found her floating towards the bottom of the pool, her eyes shut tight from her faint. He grabbed a hold of her tiny, perfect waist which he loved so much and heaved her up to the surface. Her delicate head lolled back on her dainty neck from her exhaustion. _

_Sophye cried out in horror while Draco and Ron stared in equal horror at the terrible, horrible sight before them._

"_Is she alive?" Sophye asked, her voice trembling. _("If Merlin has any sympathy at all, she won't be," Seamus grumbled before continuing.)

"_Yes," Harry affirmed at seeing her rising and falling chest. "She lives."_

"_Thank God," Draco and Ron cried in unison while Sophye shed tears of happiness and joy. It was a truly blessed moment. _

_Then, an even more blessed moment occurred. Acacya's beautiful hazel/amber/blue eyes opened wide as she took in her surroundings. Her wet, sexy amber hair untangled itself as she sat up carefully, with support from Harry. _

"_What happened?" she asked, her voice coming out clear and strong. You would not have thought that she had nearly drowned by the sound of her voice. It cheered all of those surrounding her. _

"_You fainted," Harry murmured, rubbing her shoulder. "At least, that's what I assumed when you didn't return to the surface after ten minutes."_

_Acacya's realization flooded back to her in an instant. Her first instinct was to tell all to Harry, to share the wonderful news! But then she thought that Harry might not be so excited as she was. What if he left her because she was pregnant? Her boyfriend Chuck did the same thing two years ago. _("She has a BABY!?" Ron choked out, "With another bloke? Oh Merlin…")

_No. She could not tell Harry. She would NEVER tell Harry Potter that she is currently carrying his child. He would just abandon her. Like everyone else had._

"She really doesn't realize that she was the one that abandoned everyone, does she?" Neville sighed gloomily. "I just wish that she was a bit more intelligent."

"Never mind that," George cried. "I'm still trying to digest the fact that she's comfortable having sex about every two hours with Harry but is too afraid to tell him that she finally got pregnant. The bloke is probably _expecting_ it at this rate!" Hermione snorted in some sort of amused agreement, which Harry would not have appreciated had he been in the area.

In fact, at that moment Harry was entertaining Teddy in their corner by conjuring things with his wand and then making them disappear again. Teddy had quickly grown tired of the colored sparks Harry could produce and he also became bored with the levitation trick. Harry didn't mind, however, because it distracted him from the agonized sounds coming from the front of the room. Poor bastards, he repeated to himself often before coming up with some new game for Teddy. He was perfectly content away from the madness.

Back with the readers, Seamus was reluctantly beginning to read again. The madness had settled down once more and it was his obligation to continue. He still had a scowl fixed permanently on his face and each word came out as a hostile grumble, making everyone a bit nervous.

"_The water was much too cold, that's all," Acacya lied with a semi-bright smile. "My poor body cannot tolerate such chilliness. Let us find a pool with a warmer temperature."_

_The boys all bought her lie but Sophye could tell that something was up. She stared at Acacya questioningly, causing Sophye to begin a conversation with her using their best friend telepathy. _("Rubbish! Rubbish I say!" Ginny suddenly snapped before going back to her moody silence.)

_(__PrettySprinklesSparklesRainbow__ here! Everything in capital letters is what Acacya and Sophye are saying to each other in their minds. They have had this power for years and years because they are the best friends evah!!!) _

"So… when they're speaking to each other using their minds," Seamus rolled his eyes, "Should I shout so everyone else knows this too?"

"It's not necessary," Hermione said quickly but Seamus' devilish smirk cut her off. She knew that because she opposed it he was going to do it no matter what. She should learn when to annoy an Irishman and when not to.

"_WHAT IS GOING ON?" Sophye asked. "THE WATER WASN'T THAT COLD AND YOU ACTUALLY LIKE IT COLD BECAUSE IT-"_

"Oh for the love of Merlin," Seamus grumbled, breaking from the hoarse shouting he had previously taken up. "Cold water doesn't really do all that for you."

"Seamus!" multiple voices yelped while everyone sheltered their ears.

"_OH SOPHYE," Acacya sobbed as she followed the boys to the next pool. "I SIMPLY CAN'T TELL YOU. I CAN'T TELL ANYONE!!"_

"_BUT I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND!!" Sophye pleaded back, her beautiful crystal/pink/purple eyes shimmering with tears. "YOU HAVE TO TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG!"_

"_NO!" Acacya cried, turning away from her. _

"_YES!" Sophye insisted, fiercely staring her best friend down. _

"_NO I CAN'T!"_

"_YES YOU CAN!"_

"_NO I CAN'T!" _

"_YES YOU CAN!"_

"_NO I CAN'T!" _

"_YES YOU CAN!"_

"_NO I CAN'T!" _

"_YES YOU CAN!"_

"This continues on for another page or so," Seamus sighed, flipping a couple pages ahead.

Suddenly, when there was this break in the storytelling, Ron began to chuckle. His tiny chuckle turned into hearty laughter and soon he was doubled over, causing Hermione to grow frantically concerned. She thought that maybe Ron had entirely snapped and it wouldn't do for her boyfriend to be cracked for the rest of his life.

"Ron!" she cried, shaking his shoulder. "What's wrong? What has she done to you?"

Ron could sense Hermione's hysteria and he pulled himself together enough to explain his mirth. "Can't you just bloody _imagine_ these two emaciated teenagers, glaring at each other and crying, but no one knows what is going on? While these three blokes try to find a swimming pool but don't know what's wrong with their girlfriends?"

Everyone got the visual and many chuckled at the thought but quite a few were not as amused as Ron seemed to be.

"That actually sounds bloody frightening," Draco decided, who had recently abandoned opening the doors not long after Ron himself had. Since they were no longer working together to try and save themselves, he figured it was all right to give him some grief again.

As expected, this snarky comment quickly soured Ron's good mood. He glared directly at Malfoy and said, "You either laugh or you cry. I _tried_ to bloody laugh." Draco made an ugly face back at him in response.

Seamus cleared his throat awkwardly and hurried into the rest before anyone could interrupt him again.

"_FINE!" Acacya said softly _("It's hard to imagine that when the capital letters make it sound as if she's shouting…" George noticed.) _"I'M PREGNANT WITH HARRY'S BABY."_

_Sophye internally gasped. "GASP! THAT'S INCREDIBLE, ACACYA! YOU ALWAYS SAID YOU WANTED HIS CHILDREN! WHY ARE YOU SO SCARED?"_

_Acacya wept silently to herself. "I AM AFRAID THAT HE DOES NOT WANT CHILDREN. I CANNOT ALLOW MYSELF THE POSSIBILITY THAT HARRY WILL EVER LEAVE ME!!!!!!!!!111!!!!"_

_Sophye understood her plight. "YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S BETTER TO KEEP THIS SECRET THAN TO BE HONEST WITH HIM. IT'S NOT LIKE YOU COULD TAKE THE CHANCE THAT HE'S HAPPY ABOUT THIS TOO, RIGHT??"_

("Not to mention that he's bound to notice at some point," Neville timidly added. "She doesn't seem one for baggy clothing.")

"_RIGHT." Acacya sighed, turning back to the boys. "YOU CAN'T TELL ANYONE. NOT EVEN DRACO. NOT EVEN RON."_

"_I PROMISE," Sophye solemnly vowed. _

"_Pool party!" Acacya cried out with fake cheer, even though she was actually dying inside. _

"_Is the water warm enough, my love?" Harry asked, looking at her anxiously from the water. _

"_Yes," Acacya said after dipping a delicate toe into the water. "It is plenty warm." She giggled and swam over to Harry, who was grinning sexily at her from the far end of the pool. _

"_I've never done this underwater before," Harry said seductively._

_Acacya winked at him. "I'll show you."_

If the others in the room had not cried out in agony, Seamus may have continued reading that section out loud. The way he saw it, if he should have to read enough to skim through and determine where to start reading again, everyone else deserved a taste of it too.

"Bubbles! Harry's shaved legs! Water sexily burning in all sorts of places! Underwater cries of ecstasy!" Seamus hollered, dodging hexes and punches from the others. Harry, from the far side of the Library, had to clap his hands around Teddy's ears and subject himself to the descriptions instead.

Finally, Ginny shot a powerful hex, which caused Seamus to temporarily lose his voice, causing a painful burning in his throat. He dropped the book and clutched his neck, glaring at Ginny through watering eyes.

"I guess that bitch didn't know about that spell," Ginny said smugly. "She didn't block it."

The effects of the hex wore off and Seamus gasped for breath on the chair, still glaring at Ginny. He was proving to be the most malicious reader yet.

"Well, it's only fair!" he gasped.

"Just finish the sodding chapter," George said icily. "You wanker."

Seamus conceded and snatched the book up again.

_Harry and Acacya resurfaced to find Draco, Ron, and Sophye playing a special game of Marco Polo. Anyone who got tagged had to remove a piece of clothing. And they didn't have much to remove. (Winktwitterwink!)_

_Acacya and Harry watched contentedly, each holding the other's hand. Acacya looked into Harry's piercing blue eyes and wondered if she would ever find the strength to tell him of the baby growing inside of her. The fear was just too great. She was already left by super foxy guys who said they loved her but at the first sign of trouble they abandoned her. She couldn't help but feel that Harry was one of them. _

_Sophye caught her gaze and while she was removing her bikini top, she asked, "ARE YOU EVER GOING TO TELL HIM?"_

"_I JUST DON'T KNOW," Acacya sighed, turning again to face her beloved. "I JUST DON'T KNOW. BUT I LOVE THIS BABY. SO MUCH. BUT I WILL NOT LIVE IF HARRY DOES NOT LOVE ME. I WILL DIE THE PAINFUL DEATH… OF A BROKEN HEART."_

Seamus then turned and tossed the book onto Hermione's lap, causing her to pale with fear. "It was _your_ bloody idea," he mumbled and went to go gather his seat. Hermione stared at the book before reluctantly moving to the reading chair.

"Someone should go and collect Harry," she murmured. "He can pick who gets to stay with Teddy next." Ron went to the far side of the Library and returned with Harry, who looked rather glum indeed.

Harry's eyes scanned across the room before they settled on his obvious choice. "Ginny," he said, forcing a smile. "Would you like to go sit with Teddy?"

Ginny released her breath in a nervous woosh before beaming up at her husband. On her way back to Teddy, she gave him an affection kiss on the cheek before continuing on her short trek. Ron blushed but it was not as dark of a shade as it used to be when his best mate and his sister first began to date. He'd had to get used to their expressions of affection.

Hermione watched Ginny leave with a green tinge of jealousy before turning to the book. "This is just bloody perfect," she hissed under her breath.

**A/N: Please review! :)**

**Oh, and I'm pretty sure that the spell Ginny uses on Seamus doesn't technically exist. But I figure that when it comes to little hexes like that, there are probably a lot more than what Rowling used in her book. I just thought it might be fun. ;) **


	9. Imaginary Siblings and Constant Fighting

**A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews!**

**I wanted to say a couple of things. I'm really sorry about the long gap between this chapter and the last one. Life just got in the way and I had some issues actually coming up with something good for this chapter. Hopefully y'all aren't too mad at me. ;)**

**Also, this latest inspiration came from a real Mary-Sue story that I read recently. I won't say the name because I don't want to embarrass anyone, but it was too good to resist. ;) In fact, I've read many Mary-Sue stories like this and figured it was about time that I brought this particular plot point up. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own ****Harry Potter****. However, I am trying my best to destroy his fictional psyche. It's just fun.**

"Hermione?" Ron was asking tentatively, "Are you going to be okay?"

Hermione raised her eyebrows at him as if to say 'what do _you_ think?'. Ron knew at this moment that the two of them were going to have some long therapy sessions together once this nightmare was through. He settled for patting her shoulder comfortingly and giving her an equally sad smile.

"Hermione's reading?" Harry asked. He was just now getting filled in after his return from the other side of the library. "Well, this should be bloody horrifying."

"Thanks Harry," Hermione snapped while opening the book with an equally forceful snap. Harry just shrugged his shoulders in response. He was becoming startlingly callous towards his friends and he knew once the horror faded away from the experience he would be ashamed of himself. For now, however, he was just glad that he was not going to be reading.

_Chapter Six_

_After swimming, the girls went to go work out while the guys went to go get some drinks. _

"_Should you be working out in ur condition?" Sophye wanted to know as Acacya took to the treadmill._

"_I don't know," Acacya admitted. _("Oh my Merlin! She DOESN'T know something? It's a miracle.") _"I suppose that I shall be all right."_

_The boys came with the drinks, which the girls happily accepted, and then they all started to work out together. But once the guys were shirtless and started to swear, the workout session quickly turned into an orgy._

Hermione stared at the book in surprise for a moment. Then her eyes moved across the page to reread the line.

"That is truly what she wrote," Hermione finally gasped, her blank expression turning into shock.

"It had to happen at some point," George pointed out sadly. Hermione nodded in agreement. Considering her knowledge of Mary-Sues she should have seen this coming.

Harry, Ron, and Draco all turned to look at the other at the same moment. Just as quickly, they all refused to meet the other's gaze. Even if they knew it wasn't real they couldn't help but picture being in that situation together. And it horrified them. Harry actually seemed to be turning green from nausea.

"Damn us for being so bloody attractive," Ron grumbled after a few awkward silences, which at least allowed Harry and Draco to crack a smile.

"I'm still trying to figure out why she's so interested in _you_, Weasel," Draco managed to snarkily reply and everyone knew that they were okay again. Harry even managed to get his skin tone back to normal and send a halfhearted glare in Malfoy's direction.

_After the events, everyone decided that they were too exhausted (teehee) to do anything more that day. So they all retired to their hotel room and began to watch T.V._

_Then, Sophye and Acacya had a really great idea. They decided to put on a fashion show for the boys! _("Kill me," Hermione murmured quietly before continuing.)

_They both dashed off into the bathroom to change from their bikinis into their fashionable clothes. They both used to be famous runway models but stopped to be students at Hogwarts. They missed the thrill but they kept up their runway bodies anyway. _("Figures," Harry sighed while the wizards in the room simply looked confused.)

_Acacya was trying to decide whether or not to wear her tight black miniskirt or her hot pink one and Sophye was slipping gracefully into her thigh length shorts and bikini top. _

"_You look so hawt," Acacya giggled as she finally settled on her hot pink miniskirt. If you can't wear pink don't wear anything at all! Twitter!_

"_No, you look way hawter," Sophye disagreed. The two girls laughed heartily and gave each other affectionate kisses on the cheek. _("They probably think that's so hot," Seamus mocked in the background.)

_Once their outfits were ready, Acacya dramatically exited the bathroom and struck a pose. Sophye then magicked music to be blaring and Acacya strutted her sexiest walk. All of the boys' jaws dropped in amazement as she stopped at the end of her runway, spun delicately, winked enticingly, and then strutted back. _

_It was then Sophye's turn. She too walked sexily down the way, licked her lips at the boys which caused them to howl, before turning back as well. _

_Acacya used her magical powers of changing into any outfit she pleases using just her thoughts to create her next look. She went for a grungy look, wearing semi-loose pants and a size small pink shirt (which she swam in) with a chain hanging out her pocket. _

_Sophye too had this exact same power and she changed into a frilly dress pink with a plunging neckline. It went down to her hips. The two girls winked and decided to walk at the same time. _

"Can we please skip this rubbish?" George asked, clearly distraught. "I have a feeling that this rubbish will carry on for far too many pages. She loves her outfits."

Hermione hesitated. "I'm afraid that there will be another sex scene if I skip past this," she explained, the fear evident on her face. "I don't know if I can take that again."

"Think of it this way," Ron said consolingly, "If there's a sex scene right after this part, then you have even less to read!"

This actually seemed to brighten Hermione's attitude a bit and she happily skipped forward several pages in the story. Everyone else began to breathe easy having avoided another outburst from Hermione.

_The girls were giggling happily as the boys pawed at them affectionately. They simply could not imagine an existence any better than this one. They even forgot about Hermy, who was currently sleeping outside of their room in the hallway while men running with carts ran over her repeatedly. Just as she deserved. _

_Suddenly, the room phone rang loudly. Acacya dashed over to get it, smiling as she answered. "Hello?" She could tell it was a male clerk calling her because there was a muffled, embarrassed pause. She had dazzled him over the phone. _

"_There is a woman in the lobby looking for your party. She calls herself Tanya," the clerk explained. "Shall I allow her to come up to your room?"_

_Acacya shrugged. She didn't know who this woman was. "Hey, does anyone know a Tanya? She's in the lobby," Acacya asked, feeling slightly jealous. Who was she?_

_Draco's face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Tanya is here?" he asked delightedly. Without another word, Draco let out an excited squeal and ran to the door. He turned the handle and was sprinting down the hallway, nearly tripping over Hermy as he went._

The real Draco Malfoy's face pinched up even more than usual while the others chuckled at his expense. He did not find his characterization amusing. Not. At. All.

"I'd _love_ to see you bloody spazz out like that," Ron said, his face bright red from laughing. He clearly was the one who made a quick full recovery after the orgy incident from before.

Draco said nothing, which halted Ron's laughter. Usually, Draco had some kind of comeback or empty threat to make. However, the silence was more unnerving than anything else. Besides _PrettySprinklesSparkles' _book, of course.

"_What was that all about?" Sophye asked, feeling a little down. She had started to really like Draco. _("And Ron," Dean reminded the book with a roll of his eyes. "And I believe you got to know Harry quite well also back in that gym.") _She may have even started to love him. _

_Well. At least there was still Ron!_

"_Let's go find out!" Acacya declared and the four of them dashed after Draco to see what was going on. _

_They found him in the lobby hugging a beautiful young woman. Her back was facing them but the two girls could see that she was almost as beautiful as they. She had hair as light as Draco with big, rocker pink highlights decorating it. She was wearing low rise black pants with chains adorning them and a sexy black tank top. Plus, her body was hawt. _

"_So it's true!" Sophye cried out in horror. She turned away in pain so she could no longer see their reunion. She had to force herself not to cry when Acacya gave her a very sisterly, sympathetic hug. _

_Then, Draco saw them and waved happily. He did not know Sophye's distress. _

"Wait a minute," George cried. "Wait just a bloody minute. Is this going where I think it's going?"

Hermione smiled knowingly. She really understood Mary-Sues too well for a normal witch. But everyone was rather thankful of it in this case.

"Where is what going?" Draco asked, getting over his previous anger only to be replaced by a new irritation. "Why do all of you speak in bloody riddles all the time?"

George eyed him sympathetically. "You'll find out soon enough." Draco had to fight to not appear bemused. Or panicked.

"_Guys!" Draco called, pulling the girl along behind him as he raced to his friends. "I want to introduce you to someone."_

"_Your girlfriend," Sophye choked out bitterly. "Yeah. We already know."_

_Draco looked entirely confused. He put a comforting hand on Sophye's shoulder, causing her to turn around. "Sophye, this is Tanya Aquamarine. She's my sister." Acacya was thrilled to hear this. She wondered why J.K. Rowling had never written about Draco's totally cool sister._

Draco flinched noticeably. "I suppose I should have anticipated this," he mused quietly so that he thought no one could hear him. The shock clearly was too much for him to react properly to what had just occurred.

"_Oh," Sophye blushed modestly. "Nice to meet you, Tanya Aquamarine." Tanya Aquamarine smiled back. _

"_Sorry to just burst in here," Tanya Aquamarine said apologetically. "When I heard about all of this, though, I couldn't help but come to see my twin brother." _(Draco flinched once more at this addition to his humiliation.)

"_You have a twin?" Harry asked incredulously. "And you didn't tell us?!!1!"_

"_Her identity is supposed to be a secret," Draco confided in them. "Since our father is so wrapped up in the dark clown arts no one could know about her." _("Well, gee, that clears that all up," Dean said sarcastically.)

_Last year at Hogwarts Draco had confided in Acacya, Harry, and Ron that his father Luscious Malfoy _(There came a few giggles over the misspelling of Lucious Malfoy's name.) _was actually a circus clown and that was what had plagued his childhood so. They immediately understood why Tanya Aquamarine was supposed to be kept a secret. _(Many more giggles erupted at the thought of the aforementioned Malfoy as a circus clown, for those that new what a circus was.)

"_I'm actually also trying to get away from home," Tanya Aquamarine confessed. "Dad tried to get me to wear the makeup with him." She shuddered and everyone cried out in alarm. "I know," Tanya Aquamarine, choking back a sob of pain and fear._

"_Stay with us," Draco growled protectively. "We'll take care of you."_

"_We can take care of each other, "Acacya added sweetly. "We're hiding too."_

Draco abruptly stood up and tried to push on some of the windows in the room. "Do any of these open?" he wondered aloud to the others. "If it's high enough I might try to jump to my death," he drawled, although the words were uncharacteristic.

George got up after him and pulled him back into his seat. "Come on, mate. You can handle it." Harry mumbled something about over reactive gits but it went unnoticed by Draco.

"She turned my father into a clown," Draco hissed. "I'm not entirely sure what a clown is supposed to be, but it does not sound flattering. She changed his name to Luscious Malfoy because she fancies him. And she gave me a fake twin sister who does not exist for her own pleasure. I cannot bloody stand for this load of rot."

"You're going to have to," George insisted, giving Malfoy a stern glare. Draco stared back at him but obviously relented. However, his family pride was still obviously very injured. He sulked in a corner while the rest of the chapter was read.

"_Let's get to our room before someone sees us," Draco said and quickly ushered all of them into the elevator which would hoist them back to their room. _

_Sophye whispered to the Malfoy, "You are so ttly hot when you're protective of her." Draco blushed a deep red and had trouble pushing the correct button for their floor._

_Ron, however, was busy admiring Tanya Aquamarine. She had beautiful aquamarine eyes that stared into his soul and her pink hair showed her obvious love of a good time. Ron considered getting matching highlights to impress her and decided he would get on that since there was a hairstylist in the lobby of the hotel. _(Ron actually began to laugh at this idea, saying something about how terrible pink would look in his hair and then laughing some more.)

"_I'm so excited," Acacya gushed happily. "Now there's an even number of us! Three boys and three boys!" After a moment to reflect, Acacya added, "Hermy doesn't count."_

"_This is totally great, you guys," Tanya Aquamarine said as she saw the hotel room. "So ttly neat!"_

"_And now nothing bad can ever happen to us," Acacya said with a smile stretched wide across her face. _

_However, she did not know how wrong she could be._

Hermione happily set the book down and smiled at the group. "I get to pick who reads next," she reminded them. Everyone tensed up noticeably. "I choose Ginny."

Harry's eyes widened and Ron looked clearly distressed. He gave Hermione a disbelieving look but shouted out, "Ginny, Hermione chose you to read next!"

"What?!" came an enraged cry from the back of the library. Then, Ginny stormed over with Teddy in her arms and a murderous expression on her face. "Hermione, we're supposed to be _friends_!" Her face was turning red, as was the way of the Weasleys, and she had not looked so dangerous for many years.

"It's every girl for herself," Hermione snapped. "You abandoned me to read the book by myself when Harry picked you to watch Teddy. I'm just returning the favor."

"I _was_ going to pick you to watch Teddy next," Ginny said and shook her head. "But now I choose Luna." Luna looked up in surprise at the mention of her name with a pleased smile forming on her face.

"I get to watch the little boy?" she asked and went to go take him from Ginny. Once Teddy was safely in her arms she left without another word to shuffle off to the back of the library. Teddy seemed pleased with this choice as well as he stared admiringly at Luna's silvery blonde hair. He was pulling on it affectionately and attempting to imitate the color when the group last saw him before turning behind a stack of books.

Hermione, however, was not pleased at all with this choice. "Great," Hermione rolled her eyes. "Now Teddy is going to get the idea that Grindylows hide under his bed and give him nightmares. Great bloody choice, Gin." Ginny just shrugged and snatched up the book.

"You should have thought of that before you picked me to read" Ginny said in a nonchalant sort of way. She then arched her eyebrows menacingly at Hermione and allowing a smirk to grace her features. Harry winced when he saw this look on his wife's face. It meant nothing good. In turn, Hermione fixed a stony glare on Ginny and refused to blink.

Seamus turned quietly aside to Dean and murmured, "I've got ten galleons on Hermione taking Ginny out."

Dean raised his eyebrows, turned to inspect the two women, and then said, "No bloody way. Ginny can hold a grudge like no other woman I've ever met. Besides, she's got a meaner spirit than Hermione. You've got a wager." The two men shook hands and then turned back to the current happenings.

The two women had finally decided to break the stare down and Ginny was regretfully turning her attention to the book. Everyone could sense that it was going to be an emotional reading.

**A/N: Please review!**

**And in case you were wondering, the idea that a sibling can be made up to fit into a Mary-Sue plotline was the inspiration behind this chapter. I've read to many of these and they're always attractive young women that are added. So… **


	10. Bets, Meltdowns, and Clairvoyance

**A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews! :) I'm trying to be better with this whole updating thing again…**

**Warning for an F-bomb! ;) Though, I'm sure you all can handle it. Considering all of the British cursing I've put in here already…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own ****Harry Potter****. However, I am trying my best to destroy his fictional psyche. It's just fun.**

Ginny primly opened the book, adding one more unnecessary glare in Hermione's direction while she smiled smugly back, and then settled back into her chair.

"It'll be all right, love," Harry assured her. "You just have to keep in mind that it's all fake." Ginny managed to break her second stare down with Hermione to smile back at him. Harry secretly worried about Ginny's emotional state. She hadn't been holding up well just listening to the story. Now she would have to say the words herself…

"Maybe I should go check to make sure Teddy is okay with Luna," Neville began to say, slowly getting up out of his sitting position.

"Sit down!" Ginny snarled, turning her glare onto Neville. Obediently, Neville sat back down quickly and quietly.

_Chapter Seven_

_Everyone reaaaaaaaaly loved Tanya Aquamarine. She was very pretty and very nice and Acacya and Sophye even considered letting her into their Hawt Girl Club. So far, only Acacya and Sophye were in it but they were willing to make an exception for Tanya Aquamarine. _

"_Why couldn't MY sister be as beyotiful as you are?" Ron wondered, sighing longingly. _("Well, that's not creepy in any way," George said sarcastically while Ginny grimaced uncomfortably at Ron.) _His sister had truly been a hag. That everyone hated. Even more than Hermy. _

"_Yeah, your sister was really ugly," Draco chortled. "I can't believe you almost hooked up with her Harry!"_

_Harry laughed loudly. "I know! She was so disgusting and gross. Luckily, Acacya saved me from that fate." Harry then turned and nuzzled noses with Acacya while she giggled happily. _(Ginny's knuckles turned white from the somewhat threatening death grip she held on the book.)

"This is really bonkers," Ron gasped, looking around the room nervously. "It's as if the book somehow knew that Ginny would be reading this chapter. She saved the worst insults for right now."

"You're right," Harry said. "It's as if _PrettySprinklesSparklesRainbow _was in the room with us right now or something."

"Or that she planned all of this perfectly beforehand," Dean added seriously.

Hermione snorted in disbelief. "Oh, please. No Mary-Sue author could anticipate that I would be angry with Ginny and force her to read after me. It's the most ridiculous load of rot I have ever heard." Dean, appropriately embarrassed, fell silent.

"… How do you know so much about Mary-Sues anyway?" Ron suddenly wondered, turning to stare at his girlfriend with a perplexed expression. Under his stare Hermione blushed slightly but managed to keep her composure.

"I had to research them before for the Ministry," she sniffed, a haughty air to her tone of voice. "Mary-Sues are a surprisingly huge threat, you know." Hermione paused, sent a pointed look at the book in Ginny's hands, and added, "_Obviously_." Ron did not look convinced but Ginny was growing impatient over in her chair.

"I'd like to get this over with," Ginny snapped, tapping her foot on the ground. Everyone quickly turned their attention back to her.

"_So, wut happened to make you guys leave Hogwarts?" Tanya Aquamarine wanted to know. "I never was able to go because of Daddy." Draco put a hand on her shoulder sympathetically. _

"_Someone's trying to kill me!" Acacya cried sadly. She buried her face in her hands, cuasing her hair to swirl around her body dramatically and beauituflly. "I don't know who, but we think Lord Moldy Wart has come back from the dead!"_

"_But you defeated him last year!" Tanya Aquamarine disagreed. "You two are heroes!"_

"_I don't know who else would want to hurt me," Acacya sobbed, shaking her head in distress. "I'm just so likeable! I don't often get death threats." _("Well, there are ten people in this room that would be more than happy to add to your supposedly short list!" Hermione hissed.)

"_I know," Harry said comfortingly, holding Acacya close to him. _

_This turned Acacya on. Very much._

There came a sudden halt in the reading. Then, quite suddenly, Ginny burst into action.

"It's just bloody sickening!" Ginny cried, tearing her eyes away from the page. "This woman cannot go for _five fucking minutes_ without getting a good shag. What is wrong with the bloody world?"

"Nothing is wrong with the world, Ginny," Harry began soothingly, trying to ignore the fact that his sex life was once more brought into the story by focusing on his wife.

"If there are people like this loony girl, then _yes there is_!" Ginny fired back, her face turning increasingly red the more she ranted. "This is a clear bloody corruption of the youth of today and I am getting so tired of it—"

"Ginny," Harry tried once more but found himself viciously cut off.

"I can't bloody take it, Harry!" Harry was shocked and horrified to see tears forming in Ginny's eyes. She was _crying_ because of this situation. Again. "It's not _right_! It's so _unfair_!" As far as Harry knew, Ginny rarely cried. She was surprisingly unemotional, despite her quickly ignited anger. Yet this was at least the second time she had burst into tears that day. Harry once more found himself afraid of his wife.

"I think someone needs a break," Ron said, standing up so he could pull on his sister's elbow. He looked equally if not more shocked at his sister's display. Hermione, however, could sense Ginny's reluctance to go with her older brother for some quiet time so she quickly pushed Ron away.

"I'll take care of it," Hermione offered, shooting a meaningful look at Ron. "It'll be fine."

"I don't want to go anywhere with you!" Ginny said childishly, planting herself in her seat. "It's your bloody fault that I'm having this mental breakdown right now."

"She has a point," Harry agreed timidly from the side. He was still shocked to see his wife suffer what he could only label a psychotic episode. It didn't help when he realized that he was only moments away from one himself. Ginny was always more high strung than the rest of them, but that didn't mean they were safe from a similar fate.

"Shut up," Hermione replied nonchalantly and still held her hand out for Ginny to take. "Ginny, I'm sorry about choosing you to read. This book does strange things to all of us. Please come with me for a moment so I can talk you through this."

Ginny stubbornly held out for another two minutes. Then, she reluctantly relented and allowed Hermione to guide her to a secluded area of the very large library.

Seamus quietly turned aside to Dean after the two girls were safely out of hearing distance. "What does that mean for the bet?"

Dean shrugged. "Well, Hermione gave up first, didn't she? I was right. Ginny held out the longest."

Seamus frowned. "Well, that's not fair, is it? You _dated_ one of them so you had extra information," he complained, still holding on to his ten galleons.

"Hand it over," Dean snapped, snatching the money right out of Seamus' clenched fist. "This is going straight into my therapy fund. I can't believe that I'm going to have to pay those loons who call themselves wizard psychiatrists after this madness…" Seamus still looked rather put out.

Meanwhile, Ron and Harry were having a discussion of their own.

"I bet you've never seen that side of Ginny before, have you?" Ron joked, elbowing Harry roughly in the ribs. "That's what you get for marrying a Weasley woman."

Harry was admittedly rather traumatized from the outburst, which meant that on top of his fear of the story being read he now had to fear more terrorizing from his wife. "Shut the bloody hell up."

Ron raised his eyebrows but knew better than to push his luck with Harry. "So, when do you reckon that we'll be getting out of here?"

Harry shrugged his shoulders pessimistically. "Probably never, Ron." At Ron's horrified expression, Harry hastily added, "Well, you asked for my opinion and I gave it to you. Don't be so bloody surprised about it."

Ron shook his head, still looking horrified at the prospect of being stuck forever. "You've all gone completely mental. It's downright scary when I'm the only one who hasn't gone bonkers yet." Ron then turned away from his friend so he could sit in a normal silence.

Draco, George, and Neville all sat awkwardly away from each other. None of them had anything to say to the other and didn't have any friends to join. They were actually beginning to look forward to Ginny reading the story once more if only to ease the awkward tension.

Finally, Ginny and Hermione returned to the distressed group. Ginny's tears seemed to have dried and Hermione looked rather worn but relieved. She managed to joke that girl talk cured all madness but no one seemed to find it particularly funny.

Ginny sat back down her chair, glaring at the book in question. She muttered something about not crying so much since she was fifteen and glared even harder. Harry stood up and perched on the arm of the chair, giving her some company. Ginny seemed to barely register this as she finally began to read again.

"_We're gonna go for a few minutes," Acacya winked, her tears drying now that she was in the safety of Harry's embrace. The two of them disappeared into their bedroom, slamming the door shut behind them. _

_Sophye and Tanya Aquamarine turned to their friends Draco and Ron. _

"_Let's play strip Truth or Dare!" Sophye giggled, making the others form an excited circle. _

"_Okay!" Draco agreed enthusiastically. _

"_Draco," Sophye began, turning to face him. "Truth or Dare?"_

_Draco seemed to contemplate for a moment before leaning towards her sexily. "I'm always up for a Dare," he purred and Sophye felt her breath stop short. He was beautiful and all at once she forgot the dare that he had planned for her. He was like her own personal Edward Cullen!!!11!! (TwittertwittergiggletwitterteeheeheeEDWARD!) _

_:D_

_o.O _

_83 _

(Ginny raised her eyebrows, regaining some of her previous composure. "I don't know what all of those numbers and letters mean…" She paused and added, "Or why this Edward Cullen bloke is so special.")

_However, Sophye was quick on her feet. "I dare you to take your shirt off!" she squealed, causing the others to gasp in surprise. No one saw that coming! What a tough dare!_

_Draco did not hesitate as he pulled his shirt off of his finely sculpted body, revealing his perfect abs. He smirked devilishly at Sophye and then threw the shirt sexily over onto one of the chairs. "Done." _("Oh, Malfoy, you're such a hunk!" George squealed, fanning his face with his hand.)

_He was about to ask Sophye a Truth or Dare but they were interrupted by a most terrible scream coming from Harry and Acacya's bedroom. It was not like the normal screams _("Eww!" everyone simultaneously screamed.) _so the others were quickly afraid of what was happening. _

"_Let's go!" they all cried and flew over to the door. Draco and Ron both wrenched it open, displaying their manly strength, and the girls pushed past them to see what was inside. _

_It was horrifying._

"Ten galleons says that she already gave birth to the baby," George said, raising a small bag of money in order to entice the others into a bet. He set the bag on the ground in front of him. Dean and Seamus exchanged surprised looks at the introduction of another bet.

"_Excuse_ me?" Hermione asked, her surprise outweighing her irritation.

"I bet ten that it was just a sex noise and that it will entice the others to join in," Seamus disagreed and added his own money next to George's. He wanted to win some money, for Merlin's sake!

Hermione glared at the two boys before reaching into her robes and pulling out ten galleons. "I bet ten that she's fainted after getting a glimpse into the future," Hermione said, setting her coins into the growing pot.

"Aw, bloody hell," George grumbled. "You're going to win." He turned to the others. "No one else wants to get in on this?"

Dean just rolled his eyes. Neville was just sitting quietly and shaking his head. Draco shrugged his shoulders and didn't seem to have an opinion on the matter. Ron didn't dare to go against his girlfriend and therefore had nothing to bet.

"I don't really care," Harry snapped. "No matter what it's going to be bad for me. I can find no amusement in whatever ridiculous thing is about to happen to me." Ginny seemed to agree with her silent nod. No one knew what to say after that. No response was necessary, apparently.

_Acacya was in a dead faint in Harry's arms. He had managed to clothe the both of them but was sobbing over Acacya's delicate body. _

"_No!" Sophye screamed, kneeling next to her best friend's body. "Is she…?"_

"_She's alive," Harry sobbed. "This is the second time she has fainted! I do not know what the matter is!"_

"_Help me get her to the bed," Sophye said softly and Harry lifted Acacya while Sophye watched. Once she was safely on the bed, Sophye allowed herself to crumple into a ball with fear._

_Draco and Ron were horrified while Tanya Aquamarine was crying loudly into her hands. Harry was also sobbing and was sprawled against the bed next to Acacya's body. _

_All they could do was wait._

_Suddenly, Acacya's eyes snapped open. She gasped, sat straight up, and shouted, "I have seen into the future!"_

There came a moment of silence as everyone turned to look at Hermione. Ron looked especially suspicious.

"Hermione… really… _how do you know so much about Mary-Sues_?" Ron demanded as everyone silently handed their coins to her. Hermione just shrugged although the blush returned to her face.

"I told you already," Hermione snapped. "Now hush, Ginny needs to get through her chapter." Ron reluctantly caved and did not ask any more questions. This allowed Ginny to read aloud once more.

"_You're alive!" Harry cried, wrapping Acacya into a warm embrace. _

"_Of course!" Acacya sighed, nuzzling Harry's neck. "I will never leave you, Harry. Never again." _("Damn!" Harry muttered.)

"_What was in the future?" Sophye demanded, floating over to Acacya's side. "What was so terrible that you fainted?"_

"_I saw the men who tried to kidnap me from before," Acacya explained, her voice trembling with terror. "They were huge and mean and they—" Acacya stared sadly at all of her friends. "They hurt all of you. They forced you to watch the History Channel and made you listen to boring teachers all day!" Everyone screamed in terror, hardly believing it to be true. _(Hermione shook her head sadly at this news. She could not imagine a world where learning was so inconsequential.)

_Acacya made eye contact with Sophye and added, "I ALSO SAW THE BABY. SOPHYE, MY BABY WILL BE SO BEAUTIFUL. I DID NOT SEE HARRY IN MY VISIONS, THOUGH." Sophye smiled sadly at her friend with sympathy. _

"_I AM SO SORRY, ACACYA." _("Yeah. You WOULD be dumb enough to jump to the conclusion that Harry will not love the baby," Neville sighed sadly, causing everyone to give him strange looks.)

"_Did your visions say when they would be coming?" Harry wanted to know, holding on to Acacya tight. Acacya shook her head. _

"_It could be any time," she explained although her heart was breaking. She could not believe that Harry would leave her when she had the baby. She thought that he loved her! Why was he being so cruel?_

"_I'll warn the hotel," Ron said and dashed down to the lobby, followed by Tanya Aquamarine. She was willing to risk her identity to warn the hotel of the impending attack._

"_Do you need some cool towels?" Draco asked, leaving before Acacya could answer him. _

_Harry was busy fussing over Acacya, petting her hair and asking if she needed water. "You must be thirsty. Just lie back and I'll get you something to drink."_

"_Harry," Sophye said softly, a sad tone to her voice. "Just let her be." _

_This was a foreign concept to Harry. He was supposed to leave Acacya alone? "I want to stay with her," Harry said protectively. _

_Acacya smiled sadly at him. "I'll be okay, Harry. I just need a minute alone." Harry still looked confused but he left the two girls in the room alone._

"_Sophye," Acacya said lowly. "He hates me. He doesn't love me. I have to leave."_

Ginny shook her head. "And that's the major cliffhanger," she said sarcastically, although her voice had little venom in it. She was too drained for that. Her eyes searched the room briefly and then she settled on Draco Malfoy.

"You haven't read yet," she stated and then motioned. "Come on, Malfoy. It's your turn to read."

**A/N: Please review!**

**So, Ginny's meltdown finally occurred. There was plenty of build up. ;) I kind of feel that Ginny is especially OOC in this story, but I also kind of thought she would be the first to crack in this sort of situation. She's so easy to anger. xD **


	11. Disappearances, Romance, and Arguments

**A/N: Just as a heads up, I'm moving into my dorm at college and therefore these updates might take a little longer. I'll be busy moving in and going to classes, but I'll certainly try my hardest to get these up regularly. :D **

**Disclaimer: I don't own ****Harry Potter****. However, I am trying my best to destroy his fictional psyche. It's just fun.**

Draco looked at the pink book with the glitter glued to the top, looked back at the redheaded woman extending the said book to him, and then raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "Really, Weasellete? You expect me to actually _read_ from that? You really _have_ cracked."

Ginny scowled. "Malfoy, for the love of Merlin, just take the book. Don't make this more difficult than it has to be."

Malfoy just smirked, trying to disguise his own terror at the thought of touching the book. "Like I would actually take orders from someone who belongs in the loony bin. You really put on quite the show for us earlier."

Before Draco could make another derogatory comment or Ginny could raise her wand for a swift hex, a pillow was launched at Draco's head. Draco looked wildly around for the culprit, only to find a rather shocked, embarrassed, and enraged Harry Potter.

Harry had found a pillow next to him while enraged at Draco's treatment of Ginny, grabbed it, and had thrown it before he even had time to think about it. The pillow smacked into Draco's face with a surprising amount of force, nearly knocking him down. Afterward, it bounced and landed harmlessly on the floor after impact, but the awkward silence lasted for far longer.

At this moment, Luna came back sans Teddy and did not notice the tension hanging in the air. "I was wondering if Neville might like to look after Teddy now." Neville exhaled with relief, looked between a bright red Harry and a dangerously pale Draco, and booked it out of there. He was gone before any of the fireworks could begin.

Luna, however, still did not catch on to the awkward situation. She was happily oblivious to the two young men staring fiercely at each other and instead was more preoccupied with her babysitting issues. To Ginny, Luna said, "I had to change his nappy. It was quite damp and Teddy was uncomfortable."

Ginny, rather distracted by the events taking place, uttered a distant, "Thanks a ton, Luna." Luna seemed rather pleased with this praise.

"What. The. Hell," Draco seethed, ignoring Luna quite thoroughly.

"Don't say that rubbish about Ginny," Harry shot back, refusing to apologize for chucking a rather large pillow at Draco. Ginny smiled in appreciation of her husband but dared not intervene with the exchange. "Just take the bloody book and be done with it."

"There was no cause for you to throw things at me!" Draco snapped, still looking entirely livid. "Just because we had our differences in the past—"

"And there was no bloody cause for you to be so snotty!" Harry said, his face growing redder with each moment.

Luckily, Hermione intervened in the childish display to restore some order. "Look Malfoy, the quicker you get your portion over with the sooner we can get out of here!"

Draco bit back his most recent comment to allow this reasoning to absorb in his thought process. Then, with much reluctance, he accepted this to be true. Without another word, although he spared a withering glare directed at Harry, Draco snatched the book from Ginny who was still holding it out to him.

_Chapter Eight_

"_What?" Sophye cried, too horrified for words. Then, in her mind in case Harry was listening in, "YOU CAN'T LEAVE. WHAT ABOUT THOSE MEN THAT ARE CHASING AFTER YOU? WHAT ABOUT HARRY? HE LOVES YOU, ACACYA. I KNOW HE DOES!"_

"_I KNOW HE LOVES ME. NOW. BUT I CAN'T STAND PUTTING HIM IN DANGER AND I CAN'T STAND LIVING IN FEAR OF MY PREGNANCY!" Acacya countered, tears rolling down her face. "IN MY VISION EVERYONE WAS DEAD AND IT WAS ALL MY FAULT!"_

"_WOAH," Sophye said, shaking her head, "YOU'RE PULLING SUCH A BELLA RIGHT NOW. JUST THINK ABOUT THIS." _("I'm rather curious as to what 'pulling a Bella' could mean," Dean said thoughtfully. "It doesn't sound like a good thing.")

_Acacya's expression became resentful as she glared at her best friend. "I'LL DO IT WHETHER YOU APPROVE OR NOT. JUST YOU WAIT AND SEE."_

_Sophye was stung by this remark and fled the room, leaving behind a trail of perfume from her naturally sweet scented hair. Acacya glared after her in disgust. Then, she stood up from her bed and slipped out the window. She would never grace Harry's presence ever again!_

Harry's expression was one that was entirely blank. He clearly had not registered what just happened. Then, he broke into a wide smile and looked inches away from clapping his hands out of excitement.

"She's gone! She's gone!" he muttered softly to himself, overcome with relief. Ginny looked equally as pleased about this outcome. Ron and Draco merely glared at Harry in jealousy. But when they realized they were actually in agreement about something (again), they quickly looked away.

_Moments after Acacya escaped, Harry entered her room looking anxious. "I brought you some ice and some pain killers and some water and some chocolate and some _("Merlin. Needy much, Harry?" Ron joked.) _and some magazines to read and some—"_

_Then, Harry realized that Acacya was gone._

_He fell to his knees, screaming in agony. His one true luv, the light of the world, was missing. _(The real Harry began to laugh very loudly.)

"_Help! Help! She's been stolen!11!" Harry screamed. His friends all returned at the sound of his screams and came to help him. _

_It was then that Tanya Aquamarine found the note. Sophye had dreaded the fact that it would be there. _

"_Harry, there's a note from Acacya," Tanya Aquamarine said, passing the sheet of paper back to Harry. Harry snatched it up, expecting a ransom note, but then his blood stopped cold. _

"_Dear Harry," he read, his voice trembling. "I luv you. You are everything to me. That is why I must leave. I fear my vision will come tru if I stay with you. And also Harry… I am pregnant. I know that you do not want a child right now and I will spare you of that pain. Do try to remember that I luv you so much and someday we can be together again. 9 months? Love, Acacya." _(There was a general snorting of amusement and disgust around the room at the letter.)

_Harry's voice was low in agony as he said, "She's pregnant. She must have thought I would hate her because of it."_

"_I know you would not have," Sophye said softly, looking at Harry in a new light. "I know that now. I wish I had known it in time to stop Acacya." Harry bowed his head in shame. _

"If everyone loves her so bloody much, why aren't they already running after her?" Seamus exclaimed, shaking his head irritably.

"Don't even suggest it," Harry hissed, not even bothering to look at Seamus directly. Seamus piped down rather quickly.

_Then, out of nowhere, a note fluttered down into their window. Harry snatched it up and read, "We will find her." Harry's face paled and he once more collapsed to the ground, unable to move. The stress was killing him._

_All seemed lost. Harry was useless in his grief. Someone would have to stand in his place. _

_Luckily, Sophye managed to pluck up the courage to face the rest of her friends. "We have to lyke find her before they do. If Acacya dies… the light lyke of the world dies with her." _("Bloody insane," Ron muttered.)

"_Not to mention her child," Tanya Aquamarine added. "It is to be the most beautiful child in all the world. It will cure the sick…"_

"_Help the blynd to see," Sophye agreed._

"_Ttly save the world."_

"_Make everyone beautiful."_

"_Save the environment." _("Not if it uses as much beauty products as you lot probably have to use to look as pretty as you say," Ginny countered coolly.)

"_Then we have to save Acacya and her child," Draco said bravely, standing up. Ron also stood next to his best friend. Tanya Aquamarine stood with Ron while Sophye stood with Draco. _

_HaHarry looked up at his friends, managed to nod, and stood shakily to his feet. "Yes." His heart was still shattered into pieces and his mind was clearly unstable. But he would survive. _

"_If anything happens to her… I shall die," Harry swore solemnly. "I could not stand that pain again."_

_The others then swiftly left the hotel room to search for Acacya._

Draco smirked, clearly smug about something, and everyone was shocked when he set the book down. "I got the shortest chapter," he said proudly and went as though to move back to his seat. "I choose Neville to read, whenever he gets back."

"Not so fast," Hermione cried, snatching the book. "There's a part two to this chapter!" Draco's face nearly fell to the floor.

"What in the bloody hell!?" he shouted, grabbing the book back from Hermione. But he found it to be true.

"It's not too long," Ron snickered, looking at the rather thick second part to the chapter.

"Only about fifty pages or so," George agreed, looking equally as happy as Ron and the others in the room.

Draco thought about pleading with the lot he was with, then decided against it. He may not have his sanity at the end of it, but at least he would have his pride.

_Part Two!! (Teehee!)_

_Sophye and Draco ran off in one direction while Tanya Aquamarine and Ron ran in another. Harry went on his own to search for his beloved. _

_Alone, Sophye and Draco began to realize how they felt for each other. _(Draco's face pinched to incredible levels. Everyone else had the decency not to laugh too loud.)

_Sophye thought Draco was ttly hawt. He was so sexy and perfect and sexy and perfect and sexy and perfect and his silver hair shone in the sun and sexy and perfect. She could not have asked for a better man. She had been in love before, but never like this. _

_Draco thought Sophye was the most beautiful human being he had ever seen. Her blonde hair fell like waves to her knees and her clear crystal blue pink aqua eyes shone with such clarity. Her skin was flawless and smooth and her legs were long and lean. She was tan and soft and adorable and sexy all at once. She had the kindest heart and the larges vocabulary. Her knowledge of pop culture was astounding! Her Twilight references were so astounding he could hardly believe it. Her mouth was so perfectly pouted and her body was so slim that he could hardly even see her when she turned to the side. He could not have found a better woman besides Acacya. _("Of course. No one is better than Acacya," Dean dryly pointed out. Draco was doing his best not to gag.)

_The terror of the situation brought the two to the realization that they could not live without each other. _

"_Sophye," Draco said, pulling Sophye aside. Her blonde hair was dazzling in the Rio sun and he could hardly look at her without crying. _("Because she was beautiful or because her hair was literally blinding him?" George couldn't help but wonder.)

"_Yes, Draco my love?" Sophye replied, her beautiful eyes sparkling with the hint of tears behind them. She could not believe that she could be so happy. _

_Sophye had a rather tragic past. In the past, most boys just walked by her and did not gawk at her amazing beauty in the halls. They did not ask her onto dates. They acted as if she did not exist. Which was really, tttly unfair because Sophye was BEAUTIFULGORGEOUSSEXSAVVYPRETTYYHAWT! Any guy would be lucky to have her. This is why she could hardly believe that Draco would notice her._

("Is this woman bipolar?" Hermione exclaimed. "First this character is flaunting her body and now she's bloody self-conscious?")

"_I love you," he whispered fiercely and then brought her in for a passionate kiss. It was as if Sophye had never even lived before this moment. She could hardly breathe and her knees were turning weak in the ankles. _("What?")

"_OMG, DRACO!" Sophye squealed when the kiss was done. She pulled him close to her and kept him there for a long time. "I love you, too. We shall never ever be apart." _("Scary.")_ Draco kissed her again and Sophye pulled him into the bushes nearby, giggling at the thought that no one would see them there. _

Draco sighed, flipped through the pages, his face more pinched than ever. Everyone actually felt uneasy, as if anything could set him off and the entire room could be in flames. Draco really could be a powerful enemy if he wanted to be.

"Wait… is she a virgin or is she a whore?" Seamus wondered aloud, ignoring Draco's distress. "The characterizations of her are confusing me." No one felt it was necessary to respond to this.

Finally, Draco found some decency in an indecent book and began to read again.

_Afterwards, Sophye was so happy she thought that she would burst. "I love you so much, Draco," she murmured, sitting up to put her clothes back on. _

"_I love you more," Draco disagreed, giving her another affectionate kiss. _

_With that, they decided to look for Acacya some more. _

_MEANWHILE!!!_

_Acacya was running lost, scared, and very much alone down a beautiful beach in Rio. Her sparkling amber hair was sparkling in the sunlight and the cool water massaged her perfect little feet. Much smaller and perfect that Hermy's. _

_Hermy's feet were so huge, dirty, disgusting, and hairy. They were totally lyke man feet. Not to mention that she was such a terrible person. _("Well, THAT was random!")

_Then, out of nowhere, there came several big strong men. Acacya screamed and kicked but they captured her. All she could think about was Harry, her immense beauty, and the love of her unborn child before she lost consciousness. _

Draco, his face still very pinched, set the book down. "There is no bloody part three," he added warningly as he sat back down in his seat.

"Is there anyone else left to read?" Hermione wondered, after checking to make sure Draco was being honest or not. She determined him to be very truthful in this case. No one seemed to know.

At this moment, Neville returned with baby Teddy in tow. "Who would like to watch Teddy?" he asked and then seemed to notice everyone staring at him. "What? What's wrong? Have I got something on my face?"

"It's your turn to read," Ginny said. Neville's eyes widened as he realized the inevitable. His innocence was going to be shattered. Again.

**A/N: Poor, poor Draco. **

**Please review! **


	12. Yet Another Romantic Pairing and Déjà Vu

**A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews! I have to say, the reviews I get for this story are so amusing. They all make me smile. :) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own ****Harry Potter****. However, I am trying my best to destroy his fictional psyche. It's just fun.**

Everyone knew that Neville was no longer the fragile young boy he used to be at Hogwarts. Ever since his seventh year at school, Neville had been able to handle all of the problems that came his way and master any spell he needed to cast. He had become nearly fearless and tougher than anyone could have ever imagined.

This information did not ease any of their fears when it came to be Neville's turn to read.

Neville had not been forced to deal with any demons for a few years now and had become accustomed to it. Coupled with the fact that they all seemed to feel 16 years old again, no one thought Neville could handle this new stress.

Neville himself was very nervous. He was feeling very queasy and handed Teddy off to Hermione as if he were in a haze. She had given him a friendly pat on the shoulder before scurrying off to tend to Teddy. She certainly did not want to witness this.

Neville tentatively took the book from its stand and leafed forward several pages. He was certainly hoping that nothing would go wrong. But he thought he had a memory of his last encounter with the book… and it hadn't been pleasant… he could only hope that he was a little stronger now…

_Chapter Nine_

_Acacya awoke in a dark, damp, dimly lit, dark, stinky, wet, tttly gross, disgusting, filthy, dark, place. She did not know where it was and it made her feel fear. Could this be Lord Moldy Warts' new hideout? She could not be sure. She was so confused. _

_She took this moment to notice that even though she was about seven months pregnant she did not look it. Her stomach was flat and smooth but the baby was happily nested in there somewhere. _("First of all," Ginny began in a slightly shrill voice, "There is no way she is already that pregnant. Secondly, that baby would be dead and not 'happily nested' ANYWHERE if her stomach was that flat!" No one dared add anything to this statement. Ginny managed to mumble an additional, "She must be a crackwhore.")

_She looked around her dark and dank cell and then huddled herself onto the floor, her arms around her stomach protectively. She only could hope that Harry still loved her enough to come find her._

_Meanwhile!!!11!!_

_Tanya Aquamarine and Ron were walking down a beach, calling Acacya's name frantically. _

_Suddenly, Ron turned to Tanya Aquamarine and declared his love for her. _("Wow! Her transition from action to romance is just so bloody fluid!" Seamus said sarcastically.) _"Tanya Aquamarine, I know we only just met today, but I love you!"_

_Tanya Aquamarine beamed with happiness. "I just love guys with red hair!"_

"_And I love girls with pink hair," Ron said affectionately back, rubbing his nose against hers affectionately. _("It's a good thing Tonks wasn't here to listen to that," Harry said thoughtfully while Ron looked rather shocked.)

"_Let's consummate our love," Tanya Aquamarine said softly. _

Neville suddenly went very pale. Everyone exchanged a concerned glance, which grew in intensity when Neville didn't seem to have the power of movement.

"Neville?" Harry asked tentatively, after much prodding and pleading from the others, "Mate, are you alright?"

There was no response from Neville. Everyone's fear immediately skyrocketed into hysteria.

"Neville!" Ginny screamed, rushing forward to shake him. Unfortunately, when she went to shake him the pages from the book slanted forward and she caught a glimpse of what was in them. She immediately backed away from Neville with her hands over her eyes, pale as a ghost.

Ginny's reaction caused everyone to hang back instead of rushing to tend to their friend. The only one still sitting was Draco for he felt it would be inappropriate for him to intervene and didn't particularly care to anyway.

Luckily, before a serious ethical dilemma occurred between the friends in the room, Neville snapped out of his trance. He sat straight after his previous slumped position and blinked his eyes rapidly to adjust them to the light once more.

"What happened?" he wanted to know, looking around the room in bleary confusion.

"You passed out," Harry said, still tentatively staying back from his friend. "Or blacked out. Or something. It was one of those sex scenes that did it."

At the mention of sex, Neville turned green and looked on the verge of blackness once again. Fortunately, Harry bit the bullet and rushed forward to help him despite catching a sight of his own of the book. He hastily closed it and then helped Neville to his feet. From there, Neville was escorted to one of the couches in the room to rest for a moment.

"Here's some chocolate," George offered, pulling some from his pocket. "Unfortunately it's from the shop so it's the kind that writes mean things across the front of it, but it's otherwise normal," he added before handing the chocolate to Neville. Neville didn't seem to mind that the chocolate was calling him a 'pudgy brown noser' as he devoured its sweetness.

Harry felt a pang of sadness as he thought of Lupin, who would have had plenty of chocolate to give them in a time like this, but put it aside. He actually had something useful to do and he was going to focus on that alone. If he got too distracted he might be lost in his terror of the book again.

"Sorry," Neville mumbled after he finished the chocolate bar.

"We understand," Harry disagreed quickly. "We all would have had a similar reaction."

"I already had a meltdown. There's no way you could top that," Ginny reminded him with a small smile. Draco rolled his eyes in the background.

Neville seemed kind of appeased by this and took a few more moments to collect himself. As he was doing this, Luna was flipping forward several pages until the dreaded scene was over. When she was done, she calmly noted that, "This one was far worse than any of the others."

"I noticed," Neville agreed dryly from the couch. He took a deep, brave breath and then held his hand out for the book. "Okay."

"Are you sure, mate?" Seamus asked nervously. "You still look a bit off."

"I just want to get through it," Neville reasoned. "It can't get much worse than that."

With the book back in his possession, Neville continued.

"_Let us continue our search for Acacya," Tanya Aquamarine said sweetly, putting her shorts back on. Draco agreed with her, of course. They were both terribly worried about their dear friend Acacya. _("Yeah, we could tell," Dean agreed sarcastically.)

_The two raced down the beach, screaming Acacya's name. The held each other's hands so tight they thought they would never regain them again. _

_ACACYA TIME!!!1113! _("Oh dear bloody Merlin," Ginny sighed, shaking her head with disbelief.)

_Acacya felt so alone. She looked around her dark jail cell and felt the emotion bubble out of her. In order to express herself Acacya wrote a song and began to sing it aloud to herself. _

"_I'm all alone,_

_In a lonely, icky jail cell, _

_It's really icky and gross and disgusting and dark!_

_I wish Harry was here. _

_I wish I had never even left him._

_I wish to be gone from this cold icky place!_

_I'm too beautiful for this! _

_I want to be free!_

_Maybe they'll take gross ugly creepy Hermy instead?_

_I don't want to feeeel_

_So alone. _

_I don't wanna feeeeeeeeeeeel…_

_So. A. Lone. _

("Well, at least we know that she wrote this one," George said helpfully.)

_Just as the song dyed on her lips, there came an abrupt knock on the door._

"_Come in," Acacya said toughly, forcing the tears back into her eyeballz. A big, tal man came in the room and Acacya couldn't help but notice how ttly ripped he was. _

"_You have twelve hours to live," the man said menacingly. "Is there anything you would like to do while you wait for your imminent death?"_

"_Well…" Acacya said, eyeing the man up and down. He really was so ttly ripped. Like, OHMAHGAWD! So ripped. Harry would understand if he saw this guy. _

_The man raised his eyebrows at her and smirked. Even though she was a prisoner he noticed how ttly hawt Acacya was. _

_He closed the door and advanced on Acacya, who excitedly anticipated him. _

Neville clearly learned from his past mistake. He promptly shut his eyes and flipped forward randomly until he was sure he went far enough.

It turns out he had gone a little too far. But no one seemed to mind as he began in the middle of a rant that had to be one of the Sues. It was better than accidentally finding another sex scene after backtracking.

_-- and she could hardly believe that anyone would have thought her ugly before. Now, in Ron's eyes, Sophye knew that she was truly loved and accepted. She even thought—_

Neville forcibly skipped forward several more pages. "I can't take any more of that rubbish," he snapped irritably. No one dared contradict him when he was in such a state.

_Harry wandered around alone and cold. He was feeling hopeless. He had been screaming his voice raw for the past three hours and there had been no sign of Acacya. Not even a whimper. He was beginning to think that she really didn't want him to find her. _

_He collapsed into the sand by the beach, huddling himself into a little ball. He looked so adorably vulnerable and sexy when he did this. If Acacya had been there she would have been sighing with pleasure. _

_What was he going to do? There was nothing he could do._

_Acacya was gone. Lost to the world and him. He would die without her in his life. _

_Harry could feel his very life slip away from him. He closed his eyes and slept his exhaustion away, too far-gone to even care that the tide was coming in._

Neville flipped forward so the book was open on the new chapter. When he saw the title, however, he immediately froze with shock.

Harry, concerned that Neville was experiencing another fit, quickly went forward to help his friend. However, when his eyes fell on the book as well, he felt his breath stop entirely. Then, he was hyperventilating.

"What's the matter?" Ginny asked in concern, rushing forward with Ron at her side to grab Harry's arms to keep him from strangling himself. His hands had been inching towards his neck with each overexcited breath he took.

"Let's just say that it's fitting that it would be Harry's turn next," Neville said, fearfully inching out of the chair and back onto the couch. He was feeling faint again and didn't want to collapse in a position that might compromise him.

"It's in my point of view!" Harry finally choked out, trying harder than ever to squeeze his own throat with his very own fingers. Ginny and Ron were almost too shocked to stop him.

"Déjà vu," Ron muttered to himself quietly.

**A/N: Please review! **

**Sorry this one was a bit shorter. :( I could only torture Neville for so long, though. **


	13. Harry's Depression and Secrets Revealed

**A/N: Thanks for all of the awesome reviews, guys! :) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own ****Harry Potter****. However, I am trying my best to destroy his fictional psyche. It's just fun.**

"I don't wanna read it!" Harry moaned, balking as Ron and Ginny tried to guide him to the reading chair.

"I know, mate," Ron said consolingly but never relaxed his grip. "It's for the greater good."

Hermione chose this moment to return so she could choose who would watch Teddy next. She was stunned to see her best friend, Harry Potter, stubbornly refusing to sit down and her other two best friends, Ginny and Ron, tried to force him into a chair.

"What's going on?" Hermione asked, more concerned than amused.

"It's in my point of view, Hermione!" Harry cried, hoping that Hermione would spare some pity for him. "I can't bloody handle it!"

Instead of looking even more concerned, however, Hermione just nodded knowingly. She had thought it would only be a matter of time before something like this occurred. Unfortunately for Hermione, Harry caught this subtle but very familiar movement out of the corner of his eye. And he used it to his full advantage.

"Hermione knows something!" Harry accused, turning slightly to point a finger in her direction. "Why exactly does she know so much about this book? Huh?" The move was childish but Harry found himself reverting into some unknown personality type the longer he was exposed to this book. He just managed to scamper off to some unknown corner of the Library when Ginny and Ron released him out of surprise.

Ginny shot a slight glare towards Hermione and rushed after her husband. Ron, however, seemed more concerned with this newest development than with recovering his best friend.

"Yeah, why is that Hermione?" Ron asked, advancing on his girlfriend with a bemused expression on his face.

Hermione realized what was going on and immediately backed up a step, biting on her lower lip nervously. She could feel the stares of the others in the room turning on her and made one more attempt to guard her secret. "I _told_ you…" she tried to say but that excuse died before she could really even get it out. "Look, it's none of your damn business," she snapped, taking a new offensive.

Now Ron looked _really _suspicious. "Hermione Granger. Did you write this book?" he asked, jabbing a finger at the pink monstrosity waiting for Harry to come read it.

"No!" Hermione yelped, shocked at such a possibility. "Ronald, of _course_ I didn't write that! Her grammar makes me want to cry, her lack of plot makes me nauseous, and all of the gratuitous sex…" Hermione broke off her sentence with a shudder.

"Then just tell me what's going on!" Ron insisted, looking more and more suspicious by the moment.

"Yeah," Seamus piped up from his seat on the sidelines. Both Ron and Hermione ignored him.

"Fine, Ronald!" Hermione shouted, clearly exasperated. "If you really have to know, I'll tell you."

Ginny came back with a noticeably calmer Harry at this point, rubbing his shoulder comfortingly and hardly aware of the scene around her.

"I've written one," Hermione confessed, blushing bright scarlet at the secret.

Everyone took a moment to absorb this. Ginny's eyes widened to twice their size while Harry stared in blank shock. Seamus, Dean, and Neville stared at anywhere but Hermione uncomfortably, unsure of how to take the fact that the brightest witch of their age had written a Mary-Sue story. Draco looked rather smug after a moment because he had always known that Hermione wasn't as perfect as she pretended to be. Luna seemed rather unaffected; she was only slightly startled, and had ultimately decided that people should do as they wish with their time.

Ron, however, took this news the hardest. He had gone rather pale and Hermione blushed harder at his reaction. "Sorry. Try that again?" he requested, comprehension missing him entirely.

"It wasn't like this one at all," Hermione was quick to defend herself. "It's just that my parents had a new computer when I came back home during the summer of our second year and I had a chance to really explore the internet—"

"Hermione, you know I have no idea what that means," Ron pointed out, the color returning to his face.

"Well, I discovered stories like this that summer," Hermione simplified. "I decided to try one for fun. You can write them so that your character can be with whomever they like. It kind of excited me at the time."

"Was yours about Harry too?" Ron asked, becoming slightly jealous at the thought. Harry's expression became one of extreme alarm, looking between Hermione and Ron nervously. If Hermione had ever had a crush on him he was entirely unaware of it.

"No," Hermione admitted, her slightly faded blush coming back full force. She glanced at Ron shyly and then looked away again. "It wasn't about Harry." Ron realized what she meant and looked at her with surprise and slight remorse. "And it wasn't this awful, either. But I read some like this during this summer so I know what they're like."

A slightly uncomfortable silence followed Hermione's explanation. She cleared her throat and turned in the direction of Seamus. "Would you like to look after Teddy? I was going to try and look through the Library to find articles about dark magic." Seamus eagerly obliged, sending her a sympathetic glance before heading to the back of the Library.

As Hermione hurriedly left the group, Ron suddenly mumbled a, "Well, I'd better go help her," before rushing after her. The two were soon lost in the shelves of the huge Ministry Library.

"Just bloody perfect," Harry mumbled, sitting down grudgingly. "My two best mates are off snogging after one of them admitted to writing a Sue while I have to be tortured."

"Well, it's Ron's turn next," Ginny pointed out helpfully. Harry shrugged, allowing this.

"This day could not have been more dysfunctional," Draco noted and shook his head. "Now I know why I never kept in touch with you lot." George snorted in amusement at this statement.

Harry also allowed himself one last smile before turning to the correct page.

_Chapter Ten_

_Lyke, Harry's POV!!112!_

_My world was totally over. I thought I could hear the water growing closer and closer to me but I ignored it. Let it drown me. I cannot live without, like, my Acacya bunny-wunny. _(Harry visibly shuddered and actually had to close the book for a moment to collect himself again.)

_How could she truly believe that I would not have loved her if she was pregnant? I wanted to start a family with her. I wanted to marry her. I told her I wanted to marry her!_

_Perhaps I should have done something diffrent. Maybe I should have been more protective. Maybe I should have expressed my love to her more often. _("Well, there's no way you could have physically done more of that, Harry," George said mockingly.)

_I miss her. I love her. She is the best thing that has evr happened 2 me evr. She changed my life. I was inches away from asking out that dirty little Weasel girl. You could tell that not even Ron, her brother, thought she was good enuff for me. _

_Then I met Acacya. And life was fine. I remembered how to live again. I could remember to breathe. She inspired me to do everything I did last year. Buy new shoes. Organize a concert at Hogwarts. Do it in the stairways. Defeat Lord Moldy Wart. _

_I miss her. So much. Like Romeo must have missed Lucy. And how Bella must have missed Edward. In fact, I kind of felt like Bella. _

_A piece of me was missing. The gaping hole in my chest which bled profusely on the ground was proof of that. Acacya was my heart, my liver, my gut, my soul. _("That's a tad bit descriptive," Neville said squeamishly.) _I could not function with out her. My brain was fuzzy and my head hurt. _

_I wanted it to end. I was ready for it to end. Acacya didn't want me anymore._

_Suddenly, as I'm slipping into an unconscious state, I feel someone tugging on me. I dramatically and sexily try to keep myself underneath the water that submerges me but someone continues to restrain me. I finally allow myself to give in and am pulled to the surface. _("For once, I can relate to my fictional self," Harry muttered darkly.)

_I see the bright beautiful eyes of a young woman and for a crazed mment I think they are Acacya's. They are Sophye's. I should have known because Sophye's eyes are not nearly as radiant as Acacya's. _(Harry gave a rather sad sigh. "The moment has passed.")

_I miss her so much. I miss her like a fish would miss oxygen. _

"_What are you doing?" I snapped, pulling away from Sophye's lovely grip. _

"_What are YOU doing?" Sophye demanded, tapping her perfect little foot in the sand next to my head. _

"_Being in love," I cried, feeling the tears run down my face. _

_Sophye frowned wisely down at me. "How could you just give up like that, Harry? How could you let dwn the 1 woman who ever meant anything to you?" _("The term 'woman' being used in the loosest way possible," Ginny muttered darkly to herself.)

_I knew she was right. But I was still too miserable. "She gave up on me first," I growled. I was so sexy. I wished that Acacya could have been there to see how ttly sexy I looked at that moment. _

_Sophye smacked me sharply across the face. I started to cry. _("She's only a girl, Potter," Draco snorted.)

"_Just leave me alone," I sobbed and ran away from her. I didn't even stumble as I trekked across the sand while the others shouted after me. _

_Suddenly, as I was running with the tears running down my face I felt something—_

"Help! Help!" Seamus hollered, suddenly rushing into the middle of the room. Everyone immediately panicked. Neville even nearly blacked out again from all of the excitement.

"What's the matter?" Ginny shrieked, jumping to her feet. Everyone could see a flicker of her former self in the way she stood, wand out and looking ready to defend herself and the ones she loved. Inspired, everyone else leapt to their feet as well, even Harry who was hardly strong enough to be moving.

"Is she here?" Draco suddenly asked, sounding quite paranoid but not caring too much at the moment. "Is _she_ bloody here?" This sudden possibility sent everyone into a crazed frenzy.

"Teddy won't stop crying!" Seamus finally explained, jamming a finger in the direction of the makeshift daycare center. A soft crying could be heard now that everyone had quieted down.

Everyone groaned in a mingled sense of relief and irritation.

"Sea_mus_!" Ginny scolded, punching the Irishman hard in the shoulder. "You gave all of us bloody heart attacks!" Harry sat down weakly after this statement, clearly clutching to the last of his sanity. Ginny noticed. "Look at what you've done to poor Harry!"

"Nah. He looked that way to begin with," George contradicted with a shrug.

"Sorry," Seamus apologized, blushing slightly with embarrassment. "I panicked."

At this moment, Hermione and Ron took it upon themselves to come rushing back to the entrance of the Library. It also seemed that Harry was right about his prediction of snogging. Hermione's hair was rather more tousled than usual and Ron looked flustered and was beet red.

"What's going on?" Hermione demanded to know breathlessly. She looked panicked and was searching everyone in the room to see if anything was visibly wrong with them.

"Seamus overreacted," Ginny snapped, sitting down next to Harry. "Apparently Teddy won't stop crying and he thought it wise to come rushing in here as if the Devil herself was after him."

Hermione looked rather cross at hearing this while Ron just looked outright angry. "I can't believe we stopped what we were doing for _this_," Ron mumbled. Hermione seemed to be in full agreement with him.

"I already said I was sorry!" Seamus exploded, turning rather red in the face. "It's not _my_ fault that I was left alone with a helpless little baby. I've never even been close enough to hold one my entire bloody life!" Everyone raised their eyebrows, shocked at this confession. "I don't know how to take care of it!"

Hermione's expression seemed to soften, despite a still disapproving glance from Ginny, and she clearly got over her previous irritation. "I suppose now is as good a time as ever to take a break," Hermione sighed. "Come on, Seamus. Let's see what's wrong with Teddy."

Hermione departed with Seamus to retreat to the back of the Library. Reluctantly, Ginny followed out of a sense of duty to her godson and Luna tagged along. She recalled her expertise with the changing of nappies and thought she could be useful on this excursion.

"Who knew you needed three women to take care of one baby?" George mused and shook his head in awe.

"So… Acacya…" Neville mused aloud to the others. "What a bitch, right?"

"Neville, if you don't mind, I would like to not discuss the Sue right now," Harry said as politely as he could. Everyone else seemed to be in agreement with this philosophy.

"Sorry," Neville mumbled. "Didn't know what else to talk about."

No one else knew what to say by way of conversation either. After a slight awkward pause in the conversation, Draco was the one to bring it back to life. The other men were rather shocked but mostly amused with this turn of events.

"You know what would pass the time and distract us from this book?" asked, a teasing edge to his voice. Everyone else quickly became less amused and suppressed a groan of annoyance. The days of putting up with Draco at Hogwarts were back.

"No. Pray tell," Ron said sarcastically, still rather huffy about the break in his session with Hermione. Draco either missed the hint of sarcasm or simply didn't care.

"It's a bloody brilliant game if you ask me," Draco continued, looking as if he had swallowed a canary. At this point, most people were quite fed up with Draco's antics.

"Just spit it out," Harry snapped. "You don't have to be a complete prat about it."

Draco narrowed his eyes slightly at Harry but suddenly seemed to have a vengeful expression on his face. Instead of beating around the bush he decided to tell them the name. "A good game of 'Shag, Marry, or Kill'," Draco smirked. Harry and Ron's jaws fell to the floor.

**A/N: This was getting quite lengthy, so I decided to cut it off here. I know there wasn't much of the Harry's POV chapter, but there will be tons more in the one to come. I promise. :) And it should be up fairly soon since it's mostly written out. I kind of liked the idea of male bonding, however. Besides, Harry can only take so much of this at once. ;)**

**Please review! **


	14. Awkward Tension with the Lost and Found

**A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews! Now, please enjoy the rest of fake Harry's POV as well as some weird male bonding. :) And I'm so sorry about the prolonged absence! I'm trying to keep up with this as best as I can, I swear.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own ****Harry Potter.**** However, I am trying my best to destroy his fictional psyche. It's just fun.**

"That's disgusting," Harry protested. Ron nodded in agreement while glaring at Draco darkly. Neither of them liked the idea of this game. Not at all.

"You're only saying that because your wife is part of it, Potter," Draco said gleefully. No one else seemed to contradict this statement, however thick their loyalty was with the Potters. "It's the perfect opportunity. There are just enough ladies missing to let this be a good game."

"It's just in good fun," Dean added hesitantly, keeping a wary eye on both Harry and Ron lest they do something violent to him. "It's not like we really think this about them. It's just a game."

Harry and Ron hesitated, glancing at the room, which did not seem to backing them up. Then they glanced at each other before finally nodding in defeated agreement. "As long as this stays between us," Harry added hurriedly.

"If they ever found out," Ron shuddered violently. Even Draco looked quite disturbed at this possibility.

"I'm rude, not sadistic," Draco quipped back at the two, shaking off his momentary fear.

"I didn't know Wizards even played this game," Harry sulked, still nervous about the outcome of this game. He figured that it couldn't be anything good.

"Oh, yeah," Ron said enthusiastically. "I actually didn't know Muggles played it either. I used to play it all the time with Fred and George." George grinned impishly at the memory.

"We made Mum one of the women to choose from once," George snickered. "Boy, was poor Ronnie ever distraught on whether he was going to kill her or not. Fleur and Hermione were the other two girls he had to choose from. That was rather painful as well." George's grin was far too enthusiastic to be anything but condescending.

Ron cleared his throat rather loudly and turned beet red. "Well, maybe you should start then, Malfoy," he said venomously, bringing everyone's focus back onto what was at hand instead of his embarrassing childhood.

Draco smirked and there was little hesitation in his response. "I would shag Hermione, marry Ginny, and kill Luna."

"_You _would shag Hermione?" Dean asked, obviously in shock over this occurrence. Both Harry and Ron looked sick to their stomachs and were considering throwing another fit to end this game. Ron was horrified by the idea of his girlfriend sleeping with Draco and his sister marrying him. The mental images it gave him were driving him crazy. Not to mention Harry's rage.

Draco shrugged. "I have my reasons." Everyone stared at him, causing Draco to roll his eyes. "And no, it's got nothing to do with a bloody crush," he stressed, obviously disturbed by the idea. This turned everyone sour against Draco and not for the last time. They understood his intentions and didn't like his train of thought.

George was closest to Draco and therefore he took it upon himself to take the next turn. "Let's see…" George stalled, obviously thinking it over. "I would shag Luna, marry Hermione, and kill Ginny." He made a face. "The incest part of that makes it impossible to choose otherwise."

Dean blurted a quick, "I would shag Ginny." Then, he found that he had to think quite a bit harder about the other two choices and left his thought trailing in the air. Harry scowled at the prolonged silence while Ron once more blushed a deep red. George didn't even look too happy about this and turned to glare at the young man next to him. Under the three men's stares Dean finally muttered a hastily thought out, "And I would marry Hermione and kill Luna."

The game progressed forward but neither Harry, Ron, nor George took their eyes off of Dean for a very long time.

Neville did not seem to notice the lingering tension. He was too busy thinking very carefully about his response. "I would marry Luna," he blushed profusely at this admission, "And…" he trailed away, clearly thinking very hard about his next decisions.

Luckily, and many praised Merlin at this point, Hermione dashed back into the room and hastily took a seat next to Ron.

"Ginny and Seamus are just finishing up with Teddy," Hermione explained, smoothing her robes out without truly noticing and then smiling up at Ron. "It was cute, Teddy was crying because he needed to take a nap but didn't have the blanket that Harry and Ginny keep at their house. So Ginny was just going about conjuring one that was similar to the one that they own and Luna was…"

Hermione's voice trailed off as she caught a glance at everyone's guilty expressions and her eyes narrowed. "What's going on? Why are you all staring at me like that?"

"No reason," Ron said cheerfully, smiling down at her skeptical face. "We're all just a little… you know…"

"Wonky," Harry clarified, sensing Ron's distress. Ron shot Harry a brief grateful expression before turning his attention back to Hermione. "You know. The book."

Hermione glanced at her boyfriend before finally shrugging. "Whatever. I don't actually care," she explained. Everyone knew that she meant it, too.

At this moment, Ginny and Luna returned. Luna drifted dreamily back to her seat but Ginny paused hesitantly before returning to her own. "What is everyone bloody staring at?"

"It's nothing," Hermione said wearily and patted a seat that was between herself and Harry. "Just come sit down." Ginny seemed to think about this before complying, still shooting various men dirty looks. She certainly didn't trust any of them.

Harry looked rather downcast at the presence of the women in the room once more. "Does this mean I have to—" he began to ask before everyone chorused in an immediate affirmative. Harry scowled but scooped the book up again. "Fine." He tried very hard not to glare at Draco or Dean anymore and instead turned his aggression on the story.

_Suddenly, as I was running with the tears running down my face I felt something stir within my soul. Acacya was near. I just knew it._

_How did I know? There was a clenching in my heart and a dropping stomach. Her presence always gave me this feeling. We had such a emotional connection that we always knew when the other was near. We loved each other that much._

_Remembering this love gave me hope and strength. I no longer wanted to strangle myself or hurl myself into the depths of the ocean_. (The real Harry seemed to consider these options for a time before moving on.)

_I ran down the beach, shouting and laughing with excitement as the feeling grew stronger and stronger. She was close! She was close! _("Oh no…" Neville lamented. "He's going to bloody find her.")

_Sophye heard my cries all the way across the beach because she had such keen hearing. _("Like a dog?" Ginny giggled, enjoying her joke far too much. Hermione smirked in approval.) _She came running to my side, followed by Tanya Aquamarine. And Ron and Draco._

"_Do you sense her?" Sophye cried, running and matching my stride perfectly. She was very fluid and graceful and strong for a woman. If I had not been so occupied with listening for the Acacya radar in my heart I would have taken a moment to appreciate her._

"_Yes," I declared solemnly, not even out of breath. All of my football training prepared me for this very moment. _("… Football?")

"_I'm going to find her," I promised. "This is all my fault. And I am going to find her. To make sure the sun's light does not extinguish. To make sure that all of the puppies in the world can continue to live with her love flowing through them. But mostly—_

Harry turned faintly green and closed his eyes in a brief moment of pain. Everyone else shook their head sympathetically. He was a brave young man.

_Suddenly, I felt her most strongly right beneath my feet. I stared down at the sand and then rapidly began to brush it away. Everyone followed my excellent example. What we found beneath the sand was a trap door._

"_Acacya is there," Sophye breathed delicately, making my worst fears come true. She had been kidnapped. _

_I clenched my jaw. "We have to save her," I growled sexily and then leaped down into the hole that the open door revealed. They all followed me loyally, Sophye right by my side. _

"Why do they bloody care so much?" Neville grumbled unhappily. "It's not like she's that special."

"But she is their sun!" George cried dramatically, mimicking the style of the story perfectly. "Without their sun they would totally die! Acacya is their air!"

"Oh, don't be such a wanker," Neville snapped back, stopping George halfway through his rant. Everyone raised their eyebrows but no apology came from Neville. Harry just cleared his throat and continued on after a prolonged moment of silence.

_It was dark and damp and dark. _("Oh, not this again!") _My manly senses were tingling all over and I knew immediately what direction to take us in. Ron and Draco guided Sophye and Tanya Aquamarine down the dark damp pathway. _

_There were several tunnels, none of which I could see through. I began to feel despair when I was suddenly hit with a vision. _("Oh, of course you were.") _Acacya was hiding in a dark, cold, damp cell and was sniffling in fear. She had just been with a man because she was lonely and Harry's heart went out to her. _("She's probably better off with the other bloke," Harry said happily. "If he loves her, he'll let her go.")

"_I know where she is!" I bellowed and raced down the tunnel I knew in my heart to be correct. _

Harry paused, seeming to consider something carefully. Then, he shut the book firmly This was accompanied by a desperate shaking of his head and a very determined set in his jaw. "I don't want to keep reading."

Ginny looked alarmed and grabbed Harry's arm fiercely. "Harry, what the bloody hell—"

"I do not want to read the garbage where the two of us are together again," Harry hissed, clutching the book safely in his hands where none could reach it. "I refuse to read any farther."

Ron rolled his eyes, walked up to Harry and wrestled with him briefly until he had the book in his hands. He then held it up out of Harry's relatively short reach and read aloud.

_We rushed into a dark cell and found Acacya, weak and crying and my heart nearly shattered. "Acacya" I screamed and ran to her side, pulling her into my lap and cradling her. "It's okay. I'm here to save you." Sophye and Tanya Aquamarine were crying tears of happiness. She was safe. The world could continue turning. _

_Just then, the sound of many running footsteps. They were going to have to fight for Acacya. _

"See?" Ron snapped, tossing the book back to a very sullen Harry Potter. "That wasn't so bad." He resumed his seat and sighed heavily, clearly annoyed.

"I want you to read next, then," Harry said and moved out of the way so Ron could sit. Ron glowered and seemed to regret his moment of authority but took the seat all the same.

At this moment, Seamus returned. When he saw the change of positions between Ron and Harry he shrugged carelessly and flopped down into a seat. "I was going to ask another question about Teddy, but apparently I'm done over there." He glanced around before grudgingly deciding on Malfoy to be the next to watch Teddy.

Malfoy blinked, surprised, and began to saunter to the back of the Library. Before he could leave, however, Seamus added, "Oh, yeah. By the way. I would shag Ginny, marry Hermione, and kill Luna."

Hermione and Ginny allowed this jaws to drop to the floor, Luna blinked in mild surprise, and both Ron and Harry turned beet red and began to quake in fear. Malfoy fled the scene, running between the bookshelves as quickly as possible while Dean and Neville tried to keep their composure.

"It was all Draco's idea!" Harry insisted.

"We defended you!" Ron added hastily, turning to look imploringly at his girlfriend and sister.

"We didn't even get to all of the blokes here!"

"I cannot believe this!" Hermione screeched, crossing her arms disapprovingly. "We leave you men alone for just five bloody minutes and you start talking about us behind our backs!" Ginny just glared around the room silently, not saying anything at all.

"Did anyone not want to kill me?" Luna wondered, smiling broadly as Neville timidly raised his hand. "That was better than I expected."

"Come on Ginny," Hermione said firmly, pulling on the girl's hand to lead her away. "We don't need to put up with this." Luna followed the two storming and angry women dreamily, feeling that she should have a right to be offended too if she wanted to be.

Harry buried his face in his hands, moaning dramatically. Ron just stared up at the ceiling, his face once more red to the tips of his ears and down his neck.

"Well, that went well," Dean commented dryly. The other two men did not even have the heart to hex him.

"We are so bloody screwed," Ron muttered.

**A/N: Please review!**

**I don't think this is one of the better chapters. Sorry! :(**


	15. Close Encounters

**A/N: Sorry again for the length in-between updates. **

**And this may be a bit of a repeat. I tried to spice it up for anyone who read the other story, however. ;)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own ****Harry Potter****. **

"We are so bloody screwed," Ron muttered, still staring at the ceiling in despair.

George sighed. "Should've known that they would find out. Those women never miss a beat."

"Wait, is this my fault?" Seamus wanted to know, looking around the room in alarm. "I thought they knew!" His wide-eyed innocence was almost too much to bear for the men in the room whose lives would be ruined because of this little slip-up.

"Shut up Seamus," Dean groaned, punching Seamus none too kindly in the shoulder. Seamus flinched noticeably and mumbled a reluctant apology.

"I didn't know," he grumbled moodily.

"What the bloody hell are we going to do?" Neville exploded, throwing his hands up in the air. "We can't keep reading without them!"

"Sure we can," Draco said coolly, sitting back down and jerking his head in Ron's direction. "It's his turn anyway, isn't it? I'm sure they could live without having to hear anymore of this rubbish. I might take a page out of their book if you lot aren't careful."

"I guess I can read without them," Ron agreed. "We owe it to them, after all." Draco rolled his eyes but didn't say anything contradictory in case Ron decided to change his mind.

Harry had no input on this subject, but continued to hide his face into his hands. Considering that his marriage to Ginny was relatively young, he was quite concerned about what might happen after this. He had to rely on the fact that a lot of Ginny's anger, especially towards him, usually lasted for brief periods before she eventually moved on and forgot about it.

Ron clapped Harry on the shoulder, noticing his distress, and swept the book up before he could change his mind.

_Chapter Eleven_

_Ttly back in Acacya's POV!!k_

_Acacya felt strong arms envelope her and she sighed in happiness. _("I guess it's actually back in THIRD person," George said snippily.)_ Those felt like Harry's arms. She sighed happily, too weak to open her eyes. The dark wet of the cell had exhausted her and she was pretty sure she was coming down with, gasp, a cold!_

_Then, suddenly, Harry began speak to her. He pulled her fully onto his lap. Groggily, she tried to turn her head up to look at him. Surely she was hallucinating! It could not be Harry who was speaking with her?_

_Still, Acacya decided that this cold induced hallucination was as good as anything and she wrapped her arms around his neck happily. _

"_Oh, Harry," she sighed, clearly delusional and snuggling closer. Harry nearly cried out of compassion for her. _

"_Everything's going to be okay," Harry promised her, kissing the top of her beautifully combed head. Acacya murmured weakly and drifted in and out of conciousness from there. She was so tired. _(Harry made a rather indignant sound from behind his hands, obviously thinking that Acacya was so whiny that it was making him nauseous.)

_The footsteps drew nearer and Hary's arms tightened around her. It felt nice._

"_We have to get her out of here," Harry growled and Acacya could have sworn that she heard Sophye in the room as well._

"_She will die if we do not," Sophye agreed, her voice clear and strong. "We will all die," she added in a softer tone, fear coloring her features for the first time. Draco crushed her to him so hard that she nearly received whiplash. She appreciated being close to him again. _("That just sounds abusive.") _It was totally an Edward/Bella moment! Giggle! _

There came an ominous banging sound coming from some part of the Library. Everyone tensed and looked around the room cautiously. Their hearts were racing and most in the room instinctually reached for their wands. It could never hurt to be too paranoid.

"You think that's the girls?" Neville wondered, referring to the noise and rubbing his palms together nervously.

"I have to say that, as crazy as it sounds, I can only _hope_ that those are the girls," Harry mumbled miserably.

"You don't think—" Dean started to ask hysterically before being cut off by Harry's solemn nod.

"That's nutters," Draco snapped but made another round of the room with his watchful eyes. George nodded in halfhearted agreement.

"Why do you keep defending Draco!?" Ron suddenly exploded, obviously too tense from the drama of his girlfriend running away in a huff and the thought that Acacya Moonbeam herself might be roaming the Library. "It's bloody annoying!"

"Don't get your knickers in a twist," Draco sneered, earning a glare from Ron.

"Well, the bloke can't _always_ be wrong can he?" George defended himself, ignoring Draco's sarcasm and Ron's growing anger.

"Twat," Ron glowered, lowering his voice slightly.

George rolled his eyes. "Oh, what are you going to do? Tell Mum on me? You going to tell her that sodding George is making friends with a ruddy Slytherin?" Ron had no response to this other than to continue sulking to himself.

"Come on guys," Dean said softly, sending a meaningful look to Ron. Seamus started to add something to this but from the look Dean gave him he knew he should probably just stay out of it. Everyone still hated him anyway.

"It's not worth arguing," Harry agreed.

The banging suddenly continued and everyone jumped a mile in the air. In order to block the noises, Ron began to read at an elevated level of voice.

_Tanya Aquamarine was also clinging onto Ron with fear etched over both of their faces. Then, suddenly men in dark swirling cloaks were all around them. Tanya Aquamarine cried out in fear. Harry gripped Acacya securely and then drew his wand. In his rage, he killed most of the men before they even had time to speak._

_Sophye was using her mind magic to eliminate the men while Tanya Aquamarine did the same. Their men never released their hands while they fought with equal strength. The friends all moved at such a quick, strong speed that you could hardly even see them!_

_Soon, all of the intruders were knocked unconscious. Except for the ones that had the misfortune of running into Harry's path. They were brutally murdered. _(Harry looked offended. "I have only ever killed _one_ person in my entire life!" he cried, outraged. "And that shouldn't even count as a person OR a killing…" "There, there mate.")

"_Come on!" Sophye cried, grabbing Harry's arm and pulling him to the exit. "We have to go!"_

_Harry cradled Acacya securely in his arms and then ran with her, Tanya Aquamarine and Draco just behind him. _

_They ran until their lungs nearly exploded. Then, when they were too tired to run anymore, Harry apparated all of them back to the hotel. _("And I thought they were supposed to be smart.")

_Acacya was growing weaker by the moment, her breath coming in tiny little gasps with maximum raspiness. Despite that, however, she still looked gorgeous. Her lips were full and large and red. She was beautiful and very much alive. Except she was slowly dying._

"_Harry?" Acacya asked weakly, looking around for her beloved._

"_We have to get her warm!" Ron cried and dashed out of the room, followed by Tanya Aquamarine. He returned with piles of pink, soft, fluffy blankets and piled them onto Acacya until she was covered in a sea of pink. She was too weak to even snuggle further into them._

"I think she might actually be dying," Ron said slowly, looking up from the pages. "Really. I think the bint might be dying."

"... If Hermione were here she would be saying something smart to disprove it," Harry mused morbidly, feeling rather down about the fact that Acacya may not actually be dying.

"Well, it's a good thing she's not here," George pointed out, motioning to his brother excitedly. "Please, continue to read."

"_Acacya, love," Harry cooed, slipping underneath the blankets with her._

"_I'm so sorry," Acacya whimpered. "I should have just told you about the baby. But I was so scared."_

"_Acacya, I would have loved to have a baby," Harry whispered seductively. "It would have been wonderful." Acacya began to sob. _

"_And now I die and the baby dies with me," she gasped, her breath becoming harder and harder to gain. _

_Suddenly, Sophye began to look short of breath. Tanya Aquamarine was also looking pale. They sat down in the blankets next to Acacya while their respective men ran to their sides. _

"_Love, don't leave me again," Harry sobbed, crushing her painfully against him. _("Again… abusive…") _"I could not stand that pain."_

"_You must," Acacya gasped. "Hunt down those scoundrels who caused my demise. And the demise of our dear friends."_

_Harry looked over and noticed the other two beautiful girls' worsening state. "What is happening?"_

"_They feel my pain and therefore they die as I do," Acacya sighed, closing her eyes weakly. _("All of this from a slight chill?" "She's delicate, Harry, delicate.")

"_Harry, please remember that I love you more than anything in the entire world. You are my light and my sun," Acacya said softly, her color fading and her eyes growing heavier and heavier. "I am glad that I got to see your face again."_

"_Acacya," Harry choked, tears swimming in his vision. "You are ttly the love of my life. I will never move on from you. I will never move forward in my life. I will forever live in the past so I can remember my time with you."_

"_Good," Acacya sighed, touching Harry's face with the strength she had left. _("That's an unhealthy relationship right there.")

"_Tanya Aquamarine," Ron said bravely, also crying in pain for his loss. "I only just now got to know you. But I will love you forever."_

"_As I will love you forever," Tanya Aquamarine returned, crying in the wake of her untimely death. "You were the best thing that ever happened to me."_

"_Sophye," Draco sobbed, clutching the beautiful blonde to him. "How can I live without you? We only just discovered our love!"_

"_Oh, Draco," Sophye sighed prettily, grasping his hand. "Never forget me. I love you so much. You have a hawt, rockin' body."_

"_So do you," Draco sniffled, refusing to let her go._

"_My friends," Acacya gasped. "I will miss all of you. We have had many lovely times together. I am sorry to leave."_

"How long is this going to bloody take?" Ron grumbled, flipping forward several pages. "She keeps going on about mundane details that happened before she dies."

"Well, she loves to hear herself talk doesn't she?" Dean countered with a shrug. "Should've expected as much."

"Here's the good stuff!" Ron suddenly cried, ten pages later, and he began to read eagerly.

_Acacya took a sudden, shuddering intake of breath. And then she was gone, her poor wasted body was slumped up against him. Harry screamed in horror and clutched her ever closer, crying into her moonlit hair._

_Sophye and Tanya Aquamarine also took their last breaths, their perfect faces serene in death and almost more beautiful than in life. Their hair floated about them like angels and all three men cried harder than they had their entire lives._

_They all had nothing more to live for. _

All of the men in the room glanced at one another.

"They're dead?" Neville said hopefully, straightening up in his seat.

"They're dead!" The rest cheered. Ron threw the book in the air, which prompted Seamus and Dean to start up some sort of jig throughout the Library. Just as Harry, Ron, George, and Neville were about to join in the merriment (Draco was just settling for actually looking genuinely happy in his own little corner) there came a bloodcurdling noise from the back of the Library.

There was giggling. Very high-pitched, girlish, _frightening_ giggling.

Everyone looked at each other, too petrified to even comprehend what that giggling meant. There was a horrible silence before the occurrence finally sunk in for the men.

"Teddy!" Harry gasped, bolting to the back of the Library. In all of the confusion following the explosion of Hermione and Ginny, they all forgot that Draco was supposed to be looking after Teddy. Everyone followed suit, far too terrified for the boy's safety to really realize that they were running head first into danger themselves.

Panting, they reached Teddy's play area to find the boy missing. In his place the sound of giggling was surrounding them and all of the men realized at once that they were trapped. They bound close together, trying to locate the source of the giggling so as to better protect themselves.

Suddenly, their worst nightmare was right before their eyes. Acacya Moonbeam was standing right in front of them, blocking the quickest way out, with a smirk on her delicate, awful features. She was wearing a tight, black miniskirt with a tube top and her feet were decked in high stiletto heels.

"Hello boys," she cooed, flipping her shimmering auburn hair behind her shoulder.

"Bloody hell!" Draco yelped, starting to make a run for it. He nearly ran straight into another approaching figure, turning a terrible pale color (even for a Malfoy) when he realized that she was very blonde and wearing hardly any clothes at all.

"Draco," the blonde girl, better known as Sophye, was wrapping her arms around Draco's neck and batting her eyelashes at him in a way that was supposed to be enticing but was merely unsettling. "Drakey, dear, I love you so. Give me a kiss."

"Like hell I will!" Draco shouted, struggling to escape the blonde girl's arms. This caused her to only grip onto him tighter.

Meanwhile, Harry was having a similar issue. "Harry! I want your baby!" Acacya was screaming as she launched into Harry's reluctant embrace, trying hard to kiss his face. Harry, however, was trying his best to keep her at arm level.

"Oh my Merlin!" Neville shouted, looking horribly distraught. "Their deaths in the story brought them into the real world!"

"Someone help me!" Harry moaned, twisting his neck around to avoid Acacya's frantic attempts of snogging him.

"But Harry, I totally love you!" Acacya screamed in his ear. Harry cried out in pain, causing him to let his guard down long enough for Acacya to press herself close to him and kiss him with much force.

Harry, recognizing what was going on, turned a horrible greenish color from his forehead down to his jaw. Then, without much ado, he fell into a dead faint, his mouth still open from Acacya's prying and from his own shock.

"Harry!" Ron cried, staring down at his mate in horror. He dared not go to his aid, though, because he feared for his own safety. He was still scanning the room frantically for the appearance of Tanya Aquamarine.

"Oh, don't worry Ronnie. Tanya Aquamarine will be here soon," Acacya simpered and smiled sweetly at him. Ron turned ghastly pale and ran to duck down against a bookcase with Dean, George, Neville, and Seamus. Acacya grinned and then turned back to Harry. "Oh, poor baby."

Just as Acacya was going to dive after Harry and continue to assail him with kisses and Sophye was finally going to have her way with Draco, both girls suddenly disappeared in a puff of smoke. The cowering, sniveling men looked up carefully from their own fetal positions to look around in surprise. The two girls were gone but there was still the sound of feminine laughter surrounding them.

At this moment, Hermione and Ginny sauntered into the room, clutching their sides and doubled over with laughing.

"Your faces were so bloody priceless!" Ginny gasped, clutching her wand in the hand that was not wiping the tears of mirth from her face.

Slack jawed, George demanded, "What in the name of Merlin just happened?"

Calming from her giggles at a quicker rate than Ginny, Hermione explained. "We conjured them. They were really barely anything more than smoke and your own imaginations." She let out another giggle before shaking her head.

"Where's Teddy?" Ron wanted to know, getting slowly up from the ground and still trying process what had just occurred.

"With Luna," Hermione assured him, still looking far too amused. "He's perfectly content." Hermione glanced down and then made a face. "Oh, Ginny, you might want to revive your husband."

"Right," Ginny agreed, calming herself and kneeling down on the floor. "Harry, love. Come on." She shook his shoulder with some ferocity before Harry finally came back into consciousness.

"Ginny!" Harry cried, suddenly yanking her down to kiss him. Ginny's eyebrows raised and she wrestled away from Harry's somewhat startling embrace so she could explain herself.

"Harry, Hermione and I conjured Acacya and Sophye. It was all our faults," she said roughly, her hands on her hips. She was waiting for him to have some kind of mental break or to shout at her.

Harry took a moment to process this before saying, "I don't exactly care at the moment." He kissed her again before Ginny finally pushed away from him, looking slightly embarrassed.

"Disgusting," Draco muttered, still trembling from his own encounter with the conjured Sophye.

"Oh, revenge is sweet," Hermione said happily before reaching out to take Ron's arm. "Could you really hold it against me?"

"I guess not," Ron grumbled, knowing that he would lose this battle if he even tried to fight it.

"That was not bloody funny!" Seamus said indignantly, crossing his arms. His knees were trembling ever so slightly and he looked like he could use a good shot or two of some firewhiskey.

"I have to agree," Draco snapped, smoothing his hair back down and adjusting his robes. "I was nearly mauled because you two."

"You guys had it coming," Hermione said primly, turning to go back to the front of the Library. "Come on, we don't have much more time to waste."

"Women," Draco hissed.

**A/N: Please review!**


	16. Post Traumatic Stress and School Rhymes

**A/N: Again, I must apologize for the looong absence. Almost two months of absence, actually. I've been busy and this chapter entirely eluded me. :( Luckily, winter break is coming up so I will have about a month to try and pick up the pace. ;)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own ****Harry Potter.**** I also don't own the rhyme about Miss Susie. **

The men sat far away from the women of the group, not really looking at each other.

"We said we were sorry!" Ginny snapped, clearly exasperated. Harry, at least, was sitting beside her. He was still too frightened from his encounter to take his wife for granted. Or perhaps he was too shell-shocked to be angry.

"That doesn't make it funny," Dean fired back, glaring at Ginny and Hermione quite angrily.

"Look, let's just keep reading," Hermione sighed, rubbing her temple in an attempt to soothe herself. She was looking close to tears and seemed to really regret what had happened at this point.

"There's nothing more to read," Ron said triumphantly, speaking up for Harry who seemed incapable of words.

"… What?" Hermione asked, no longer rubbing her head and instead turning to look at her boyfriend with a very bemused expression.

"Acacya is dead," Harry said, finally speaking since the incident of the Sues. For a moment, he looked truly happy.

Ginny and Hermione shared a glance. Neither of them thought it could really be true. However, neither of them could bring themselves to be honest and share this suspicion. They felt guilty enough about their stunt and instead clamped their mouths shut.

No, it was Luna who pointed out the horribly obvious to the delusional boys.

"Then what's in the rest of the book?" Luna pointed out, holding the book up. "We're only a quarter of the way through."

Everyone stared at the book in growing horror. Luna had a logic that could not be denied and they all feared it.

"Maybe the rest of the book is about the end of the world?" Ron tried to reason, noticing that Harry had returned to complete silence. He looked as if speaking would give him physical pain.

"Sues—" Hermione started to protest, but then clearly thought better of it. She instead left her words hanging in the air and refused to finish them, despite the dirty looks that the boys gave her.

"Well, Luna, it's your turn to read the bloody thing," Ron shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant, and holding the book out to the misty-eyed blonde girl. "Draco, maybe you should take your turn watching Teddy this time."

Draco obliged, although he eyed the back of the Library with some distaste. He certainly had some good reason to not want to approach it so soon after the _incident_. However, he did not complain. At least he would not have to read about the rebirth of the greatest evil ever known.

Luna casually flipped to the correct page and then took a moment to allow her shockingly blue eyes to scan over the page. Something seemed to amuse her greatly, for she giggled to herself, and then began to finally read aloud so everyone else could hear.

_Chapter Twelve_

_Harry wanted to kill himself. Like, for real. He wanted to end his life. He did not want to live in a world without Acacya Moonbeam. _

_Ron wanted to kill himself. Like, for real. He wanted to end his life. He did not want to live in a world without Acacya Moonbeam or Tanya Aquamarine. _

_Draco wanted to kill himself. Like, for real. He wanted to end his life. He did not want to live in a world without Acacya Moonbeam, his sister Tanya Aquamarine, or his dear beloved Sophye Sunshine._

Now everyone understood the reason for Luna's mirth from before. Dean and Hermione both allowed themselves to chuckle at Acacya's expense. Everyone else merely smiled solemnly while Harry could only manage a brief grimace. Ginny felt guiltier than ever and patted his shoulder affectionately, hoping to make him feel better.

_The three men sat in the hotel room, sobbing over the bodies of their beloved women. The entire world seemed to match their bleak attitude. It rained all around the world and everyone felt as if there was a small hole punched in their hearts._

_The entire world was named Bella Swan for that moment. _("I am REALLY missing these strange Bella references," Neville complained. "What does it bloody MEAN?")

_However, as the three cried over their bodies, the beautiful corpses suddenly evaporated into a sprinkling of glitter that took their places instead. _

_Harry sniffled. "I always knew she had to be made up of shimmery goodness." _("Oh, for the love of bloody Merlin…")

_Draco sank into the bed of glitter that took Sophye's place. He cried into them and noticed how they never dampened. This brightened his mood only slightly. Ron followed Draco's example and began rolling around in the glitter while sobbing into his hands. _(Ginny poked her brother with a satisfied smirk. Ron merely glared back at her.)

_Harry merely stroked the pile of glitter, a sad and affectionate expression on his face. He wiped a few stray tears from his eyes and continued to stroke the glitter. _(Harry looked very queasy at this description. No one else had the heart to tease him.)

"_We have to avenge them," he solemnly swore, looking up at the others. Their sobbing immediately ceased. _

"_Damn straight," Draco growled, sitting up and allowing the glitter to shake out of his hair. _("… Eww. Those are, like, her insides.")

"_We're gonna blow those bastards away," Ron agreed. _("Some how, it's so much less convincing when YOU say that Ronnie." "Yeah, you're not described as being as sexily tough as Malfoy.")

"_Let us make an unbreakable vow," Harry declared solemnly declared, holding his right hand out to the other two. "To destroy the men who took away our beloved, beautiful, beloved, gorgeous women."_

"_Yeah!" Ron said enthusiastically, placing his hand over Harry's. _

"_Let's do it," Draco agreed, placing a hand over Ron's. The two men shared an affectionate smile before turning to look back at Harry. _

The laughter in the room was nearly deafening. It was a very good thing that Draco was not in the area, because he surely would have hexed everyone in the room into an oblivion. Not very nice hexes, either.

Ron merely sat in his seat, red as beets, as the shame washed over him. He could not believe that the crazy authoress of this book had truly written that particular interaction in for himself and the Ferret. It was enough to make him want to throw up and he was truly beginning to feel very queasy.

"I needed a laugh," Harry exclaimed, breaking his silence and clapping Ron on the shoulder. "Thanks, mate."

"No problem you sodding prick," Ron growled, not looking at his best friend. The shame was still burned on his face and did not fade for many chapters after.

"_Okay," Harry began, taking a deep breath. "We must recite the sacred vow."_

"_Of course," Ron and Draco chimed together. _

_Harry started first. "Miss Susie had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell."_

_Ron followed with, "Miss Susie went to heaven, the steamboat when to—"_

"_Hello operator, please give me number nine," Draco jumped in, not smiling. "And if you disconnect me, I'll kick you from—"_

"_Behind the refrigerator, there was a piece of glass. Miss Susie sat upon it, and broke her little—"_

"_Ask me no more questions, please tell me no more lies. The boys are in the bathroom, zipping up their—"_

"_Flies are in the meadow, the bees are in their hives. Miss Susie's with her boyfriend, kissing in the—"_

_The boys chimed together as they shouted, "D-A-R-K! D-A-R-K! Dark! Dark!"_

"_Dark is like the movies, a movie's like a show. A show is like a T.V. show, and that is all I—"_

"_I know I know my ma, I know I know my pa. I know I know my sister with the 80 acre bra," Harry finished, looking rather proud of himself. From there, the three boys jumped in a circle, did a high-five, and then cried, _

"_We will kill them!" A magical burst of light exploded in front of their eyes and the vow was set. Nothing would stop them._

The laughter that was once so deafening was nothing compared to the shocked silence that followed this particular passage.

"What. The bloody hell. Was that?" Hermione managed to choke out, looking very distressed. Everyone could see the bookworm inside of her trying desperately to erase the nonsense that had just occurred.

"That was __'s version of the unbreakable vow," Dean bemoaned. He looked rather pale and equally distressed as Hermione.

"Was that some kind of demented rhyme?" George wanted to know, shaking his head. "We could make a joke out of—" He stopped his words short, realizing with horror he had just referred to his deceased brother, and then didn't say anything more. Everyone simply left him alone.

"_Let us begin our plans," Harry said darkly, and the three boys whisked away to the parlor part of the hotel room. _

_However, before they could begin plotting, Hermy Granger burst into the room._

"_They are dead!?!" she cried in horror, sinking to her knees in despair. All of the boys noticed when she left a pile of dirt in her path. _

"_Yes," Harry said coolly, regretting ever bringing Hermy along with them. _

_Hermy gnashed her huge, ugly teeth and began to pull out her greasy hair in a sign of adoration of the beautiful goddesses. "It carn't be true!" she howled illiterately. "I would do __**anything **__to bring them back again!" _(Hermione snorted. "Not likely.")

_Ron got a sudden flash of intuition, which Draco immediately picked up on. "I have an idea."_

_Harry turned to his best friend, eager to hear what his idea was. "What is your idea? I am very eager to hear it." _("Oh, Merlin. I didn't think her lack of creativity could get any worse. I was wrong," Ginny sighed.)

"_We use Hermy as a distraction," Ron explained, looking very excited. "While we sneak into the headquarters."_

"_But she would be killed instantly," Harry pointed out, breaking out into a gleeful smile. "It's perfect!"_

_Hermy merely stared off into space, too dumb to comprehend the very intelligent conversation occurring in front of her. She really was just a dumb animal, wasn't she? _("She truly does not like you very much, Hermione," Luna noted.)

"_I have an idea, too!" Draco added, looking as excited as Ron had earlier. "Remember when we performed together at the concert at Hogwarts? We were, like, sooooo good."_

_Harry grinned. "Use our full sexiness against the bastards. It's perfect, Draco." _

"Can we stop for just a minute?" Seamus yelped, shaking his head with disbelief. "I need some time to realize exactly what is going on with this book."

"Sure," Luna replied politely, marking the book and setting it to the side.

Everyone fell silent as they contemplated the ridiculous nature of the book. Seamus seemed to be concentrating especially hard, until he finally released a proclamation of, "Bloody hell."

"Shall we continue?" Luna asked, reaching for the book once more. There was no movement, either of assent or protest, so Luna took it upon herself to start again.

"_We have to pick a song!" Ron squealed, rushing into the next room. He was trying hard to be in a good mood despite the blackness of his heart at the moment. Draco also pretended for his own sake, but Harry still looked remorse._

_Hermy noticed. "Maybe I can help you, Harry," she hoarsely snarled, trying her best to look seductive. Harry cringed._

"_Hermy, you ugly pig, stay away from me," Harry hissed, pushing her away. She fell to the ground and began to cry dusty tears. Harry then stalked from the room, before adding, "I will never have another after Acacya." He sniffed before adding, "Especially not you, ugly."_

_Hermy was left alone to wallow in her misery, like she deserved. _(Hermione became noticeably tight-lipped but did not allow herself to say anything in response.)

"_That goes for me too, bro," Draco said solemnly. "I won't have another after Sophye."_

"_And I'll never have another after Tanya," Ron said softly, his eyes growing misty. When he looked up at Draco and Harry, their eyes seemed to be misting as well. _

"_We'd better get to work," Harry choked out, whipping out a piece of scrap paper. "We need song ideas."_

_Meanwhile…_

"Don't you dare read it, Luna," Harry suddenly spoke up, looking quite distraught. "Don't you bloody dare."

Luna seemed rather offended by this, frowning a little in response. "But we're supposed to read the chapter thoroughly," she explained. "I can't help it if my chapter happens to have a reincarnation in it."

Harry looked green, but Ron managed to keep him from yelling at Luna some more. "You're just gonna have to deal with it, mate." Harry continued to sulk but said nothing negative.

_They were floating in a very fine mist, making them look even more angelic than when they were alive. They were peaceful, content, but a piece of them longed for the men that they loved. _

_A sweet, feminine voice spoke to them then. "They have to learn things for themselves. But your part in their lives is not over yet."_

_Acacya smiled. _

Harry seemed to have returned to his pervious catatonic state. He held very still and made no sound of protest at this new information. Something that Ginny noticed with some fear, and she tried to make him speak. However, despite how many strange faces she made or silent pleadings she gave him, he did not budge.

The rest of the room, however, had broken into dramatic moaning and overall sounds of disgust at this new development.

"Knew it was too good to be true," Neville muttered.

"She's bloody invincible," George noted with a bit too much cheer. "They all are."

Draco must have heard the noise from the back of the Library, because he came back obediently to choose a new person to look after Teddy. No one seemed to notice his uncharacteristic lack of venom in his expression of his aura of passiveness.

"Weasley," Draco said, looking at George. "Why don't you go watch after the little bugger?"

George shrugged and stood up, stretching his legs before starting the long walk back. "The bitches aren't dead, by the way," George said helpfully before departing.

"So I heard," Draco replied glumly, settling back into his previous spot. It seemed as if he had lost the will to fight against his predicament and was now floating through the experience.

"See you lot," George said and quickly disappeared. He was eager to see the boy he considered his nephew _and_ eager to get away from the depressed group of people he considered to be good friends.

"I suppose it's my turn then," Dean sighed, taking the book from Luna's outstretched hands. "Fine."

**A/N: Again, lots of apologies for not getting this up sooner!**

**Please review!**


	17. Ttly OOC Goths and Too Much Reality

**A/N: So, I recently discovered **_**My Immortal **_**by Goffik… person. I had always heard all of these awful things about it but I never bothered to actually read it. Now I have and needless to say it gave me some, um, inspiration for this. :) **

**If you haven't read this particular story, I would suggest looking it up on Google (it's no longer on FanFiction). It's the ultimate Mary-Sue fic, whether it was a joke or not.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own ****Harry Potter****. **

_Chapter Thirteen (Tee-hee-, get it? Thirteen is an unlucky number and the Hawt Trio are SuperSad!)_

_The three handsome, sexy, hawt, sexy, beautiful, sexy men were sitting in a circle, still crying about Acacya, Sophye, and Tanya Aquamarine. They had decided on the song that was to be their weapon to defeat Lord Moldy Wart, but now they wEre being sad about their girlfriends. _("No good can come from this," Ginny whispered.)

"_Did I ever tell you guys that I'm bisexual?" Harry sniffed, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand._

"Wait just a bloody minute," Harry cried, once more breaking out of his silent stupor. "Did she just call me a bisexual?"

"It seems that way," Dean replied in a bored voice.

"… But I'm not!" Harry said indignantly, unable to wrap his mind around this atrocity.

"And I'm not as stupid as she writes me," Hermione snapped, glaring at Harry. "Honestly, what did you expect at this point!?"

Harry didn't say anything, looking appropriately embarrassed, and blushed ever so slightly. Dean hastily interjected so as to plow through the chapter and get it over and done with.

"_No!" Ron and Draco simultaneously cried._

"_Well," Harry sniffed, "I am. That's why I'm all sensitive and stuff. I told Acacya and she just loved me even more." _(Harry looked as if he might say something but then refrained.)

"_I have something to confess," Ron admitted._

"_Me too," Draco added. _

"_I'm bisexual," RoN admitted._

"_Me too," Drako added. (Like, aren't bisexual men the most sensitive, amazing guys ever!?! They're amazing!?!1? And so sexay. And sensitive. Lesser than three, lesser than three.)_

"Hey, not all bisexual blokes are amazing," Seamus suddenly spoke up, looking rather offended. "I've definitely met one that I hated."

"… Because he was bisexual?" Neville asked tentatively, not exactly liking where this conversation was going. He recalled how conservative Seamus' parents were and he was afraid of something offensive coming from the Irishman's mouth.

"No. He was a wanker was all," Seamus said gruffly, shrugging. "Very rude. Hit on my girlfriends right in front of me and everything and talking bad about my mum." He paused and added, "This girl is a loony if she thinks she can characterize one aspect of a person and give everyone with that aspect a good or bad personality."

People were mostly surprised with how eloquent Seamus was in that moment.

Everyone except Hermione, that is. "Again with the stating of the obvious," she muttered under her breath in a very annoyed fashion.

"_I knew there was a reason you guyZ were so sexy and sensitive like," Harry gushed, suddenly feeling happy for a change since Acacya dyeded. _

"_This can only make us closer," Ron grinned, feeling his mood lighten as well. _

_Then they were sucked into the reality. Their true loves were dead._

_The room wass suddenly very, very, very, very dark. It was missing the perfection that the THREE brought to the room._

"_I miss my love," all three boys sighed in unisone. _

_Harry had changed into a dark black t-shirt. It said MCR on it and he had put a light layer of eyeliner under his eyes. His hair was all spiky like Billie Joe Armstrong and his face looked paler than usual. It was a reflection of his deep, inner turmoil. _(Hermione snorted. "Like we care what they're wearing.")

_Ron had changed into a dark black t-shirt. It said Linkin Park on it and he had put a light layer of eyeliner under his eyes. His hair was now colored black with one pink streak in it to remember Tanya Aquamarine by, and he looked like Joel Madden. It was a reflection of his deep, inner turmoil. _("No, really…" Hermione protested feebly, looking rather annoyed.)

_Draco had changed into a dark black t-shirt. It said Good Charlotte on it and he had put a light layer of eyeliner under his eyes. His hair was bleached blonde and his face looked paler than usual, while looking like a blonde Gerard Way. It was a reflection of his deep, inner turmoil. _("That's just disgusting," Ron snapped. "And Draco is blonde to begin with.")

"Excuse me," Harry muttered. "I have to go gouge my eyes out."

Harry made a move to head off to some secluded part of the Library, until Ginny caught his arm and shook her head sadly at him. Harry obediently sat back down but appeared to at least be imagining gouging his eyes out. His quiet demeanor made him appear almost insane, more so than any of his tears or angry outbursts from before had ever managed to do.

"You and me too, mate," Dean agreed with Harry's silent distress.

_They were, lyke, ttly depressed. _("So we heard," Ginny commented dryly.)

"_Wee need to pIck a song," Harry said, finally wiping the tears that were running down his face and smudging his eyeliner away. _

"_Yeah," Draco agreed, wiping some of Ron's tears away, which Ron smiled in appreciation of. _("Oh for the love of Merlin," Ron moaned, trying his best to keep from turning red and to keep the contents of his stomach where they belonged.)

"_I think we should sing something sexy," Ron said once he found his voice again. "In honor of our girls." The other two agreed._

_That left only two options. They could reprise their performance of "I'm ToO Sexay" or they could take a seriously, serious gamble and sing "I'm Bringin' Sexy BAcK" to get their revenge._

"_The pressure!" Draco screamed dramatically, wanting nothing more than to run into a corner, crying, screaming, and cutting himself. _

"Now, when she says that Draco wanted to 'cut' himself…?" Ron asked curiously, turning to Hermione. Despite some of his lingering resentment, he knew that the only witch to ask about this sort of Muggle behavior was Hermione Granger.

"It's quite literal," Hermione agreed, smiling a little. "Only, she threw this into the story to try and give Draco some sort of depth, as she sees it, while really it's just ridiculous. She probably also thinks it's trendy to cut one's self, but it isn't, of course."

"What a dumb idea," Ron sighed, rubbing his forehead. Suddenly, he seemed to become quite pale and he was gasping for breath.

"Ron?" Hermione asked in alarm, placing a hand on her boyfriend's shoulder and reaching for his hand with her other one. "Are you okay?"

"What's wrong?" George demanded, leaping up from his seat to rush to the side of his brother not taken up by Hermione. Ginny merely watched in a sort of stunned surprise.

"I need to lay down," Ron managed to say, and Hermione and George both helped him over to the loveseat that Harry and Ginny had been occupying. They both moved out of the way to accommodate Ron, watching anxiously all the while.

"Is he going to faint?" Neville wondered, hoping that he would not be the only one to experience such an embarrassing event during their time in the Library.

"I don't know," Hermione snapped, very much on edge.

Ron was stretched out awkwardly across the relatively short loveseat, his long legs dangling over the edge and his elbows jutted into uncomfortable positions in order for him to lay comfortably. However, despite his new accommodation, he seemed to be even paler than before. His breathing seemed even now, though, and he did not appear to be in as much physical pain as a few moments ago.

"He's been punished," Luna whispered, her normally wide eyes wider still in the thrill of her announcement. "He made fun of her writing and he was immediately punished for it."

At first, everyone feared for their lives. Then, all at once, Seamus noticed something odd about his good friend Dean Thomas. He was nearly as pale as Ron as he stared down at the book, trembling with some unknown fear.

"What's the matter, mate?" Seamus asked, frowning. He wasn't sure if he should be concerned or not, especially with everyone else already fawning over Ron.

"Read this," Dean hissed, nearly throwing the book over at Seamus. Seamus skimmed the pages until he found a particular passage that caused him to freeze up entirely.

"Oh my Merlin."

Ginny caught on to the side conversation, noticed Seamus' lack of articulation, and yanked the book out of his shaking hands. She too found the passage that was of interest and her lips pressed into a thin line. Then, over the noise of Hermione, George, and Harry's very vocal concerns about Ron, Ginny began to read aloud.

_Ron felt a very sudden need to lay down. The loss of Tanya Aquamarine was too much for him to bear at this moment. He became very pale and he swooned into a nearby bed. His breath came in painful gasps and he nearly blacked out. Harry and Draco watched over him worriedly, although they could feel his pain also closing in around them. _

"I did not swoon," Ron protested weakly from the loveseat. Hermione shushed him but not before adding a quick, 'yes you did'.

"… What does it mean?" Harry wanted to know, moving to his wife's side. "The symptoms she described match perfectly…"

Suddenly, a very alarmed yelp was heard from the back of the Library. Quickly following this was the very obnoxiously loud sobbing of Teddy Lupin, probably caused from whatever had caused Draco's alarm. Within a few moments, Draco was carrying Teddy back to the group with his arms stretched far out in front of him.

"Malfoy, what are you doing?" Hermione scolded, scooping Teddy out of Draco's hands and pressing him against her chest. Teddy's tears decreased dramatically but his sniffles remained as he cast a rueful eye at Draco's unusually disheveled appearance.

"Why are there cut marks all up my arms?" Draco hissed, pulling the sleeves of his robes up to his elbows. His pale forearms were covered with suspicious gashes, most of which were bleeding as if they were newly created.

George scowled at the others' panic, waving his wand in Draco's general direction to make the gashes stop bleeding. However, the wounds would not heal. They remained red and angry but at least they did not bleed anymore. An angry, and obviously shaken, Draco covered his arms up again and he cast a very dark look around the room.

"Everyone needs to calm the bloody hell down," George snapped. "We need to have a meeting about this when everyone can function properly again"

"Good idea," Harry agreed, wearily sitting down in Ron's previous seat. He too was appearing to be very pale and quickly motioned to Ginny to shut the book, believing this to be the cause of his weakened state. Ginny snapped it shut and set it tenderly on a shelf before taking a seat next to Harry.

Hermione finally calmed Teddy down to a point where he just stared at everyone sullenly, his hair a very dark shade of blue and his face pinched and red. This helped everyone else to calm down as well, since the sound of a crying child was no longer ringing in their ears.

"What does this mean?" Neville asked, rubbing his forehead in a very exhausted sort of way.

"I'm afraid to even speculate," Harry admitted, taking a deep breath. "I'm afraid that this is actually something…" He refused to finish his statement.

Ron, however, seemed more than willing to be blunt. He was now propped up, his face regaining some of its previous color, and he said, "That bloody book has powers."

"I don't like the idea of that," Ginny objected, shifting nervously in her seat. "I don't like the idea that has any ability besides writing rubbish books."

"Two very major things happened to two of the characters," Dean pointed out, shaking his head, "And then they happened in real life. That's seems like a pretty big fucking clue if you're asking me."

Draco grumbled to himself, examined his arms again, and then went back to glaring darkly around the room. He was not happy. Not at all.

"I think we should just… try and keep reading—" Hermione began to rationalize, until a very irritated blonde man interrupted.

"No! We have been doing that all bloody _day_ and it just gets worse and worse!" Draco exploded, unable to keep his usual snarky composure. "Obviously, it is _not_ the right thing to do."

Hermione looks outraged but now knows better than to shout at Draco. He was too angry and Teddy would probably only burst into tears again if the argument got any louder than Draco had just made it. She merely bit down on her tongue and turned away from him, rocking Teddy comfortingly.

"Then what do you suggest?" Dean asked coolly, doubting very much that Draco would have a plan.

"We sit and wait for someone to come looking for us," Draco insisted, planting himself firmly on the ground in a seated position. "There are several people who are very important Ministry members. They're bound to turn up missing."

"And what do we do in the mean time?" Neville wanted to know. "Sit here quietly and just wait for someone to come find us? That could be days. And who knows if they even _can_ find us?"

"Then let's burn the bloody book!" Ginny suddenly shouted, strangely speaking aloud something that Draco had just been thinking. "That could break the magic, couldn't it?"

Before anyone to affirm or deny this claim, Ginny had snatched the book up and conjured some flames from the tip of her wand. The flames, surprisingly, sprang to life and she held them to the corner of the book. And nothing happened.

"Oh bloody hell," Ron moaned and Ginny stared down at the book with a blank expression. Eventually, she allowed the book to slip from her fingers and it fell to the ground.

Upon impact, the book flipped to a page in the back that had been free of any mundane writings. Suddenly, scrawled across the top of the sheet was a message. It caught Ginny's eye and before she could stop herself, she read,

_I ttly told you that this was mY reVengeh. It's going to take, lyke, more than fireh to kill me thIS time. Teehee. Stupid Germy Weasley._

An eerie quiet settled of the room. Then, loudly, Harry Potter began to cry.

**A/N: Please review!**

**I apologize for any kind of mistake, I had even less time to edit than normal. ;) Hopefully it's not too bad, but I wanted to get this up as quickly as I could. So that counts for something?**


	18. McDreamy Can't Save Everyone

**A/N: Sorry, again. It seems that my updating skills are kind of… sluggish. ;) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own ****Harry Potter**

"Everyone just try to stay… calm," Hermione managed to whisper as she saw eyes all around the room begin to bug out. Plus, it seemed like almost everyone, besides the ones numb with shock, were beginning to hyperventilate

Hermione tried to grab some confidence from her own scattered brain. "So what if the savior of the Wizarding World is a sobbing mess in the corner?" This only caused Harry to cry harder and louder in the corner that Ginny had managed to escort him to. "Our panic is exactly what she's hoping for and we can't give her that."

"How are we. Supposed to stay. Calm?" George asked in an extremely clipped tone, his fingernails digging into his palms and leaving deep imprints. "There is a homicidal. Sadistic. Psychopathic. Loony. After us. And we're stuck. In this room. Without magic."

The reminder of these things nearly caused Hermione, strong Hermione, to break down herself. She was just barely in control of enough to notice that she was squeezing Teddy nearly to death, prompting her to set him carefully onto a chair so she could not accidentally hurt him in her panic.

Teddy, for his part, was looking rather red-faced and worried about whatever had been going on in the room. His hair had turned a rather confused shade of dark gray because of his confused emotions.

"What else are we supposed to do?" Dean said in defense of Hermione, which seemed to chill her out a bit before she actually exploded. "Running around like lunatics isn't going to help anything!"

However, whatever ground Dean might have gained with his reasoning was broken when Ron suddenly broke the tense silence. "Don't take this the wrong way Hermione," Ron said coolly, looking up at his girlfriend with a curious expression. "But I'm starting to find you a little bit repulsive."

There was a stunned silence from all in the room. Hermione stared, slack-jawed at Ron and restrained her urge to smack him clear across the face. However badly she might have wanted to do just that, she managed to remember that he was under a strange and foreign influence.

"About time," Draco muttered, hardly even thinking of it.

"I'm sorry," Ron said, panicked. "I don't know what's coming over me, Hermione."

Hermione turned her murderous gaze back to the book. "I do."

"What are we going to do?" Seamus demanded, throwing his hands angrily in the air. "I can't seem to find a bloody way out of this mess and you lot apparently can't either!"

This sparked another flurry of argument, in which several adamantly refused to read any further and others tried feebly to convince those people otherwise. Hermione had even slumped back into her seat dejectedly and listened instead to Ron's confused ramblings. Nothing was being accomplished and it was like no one even cared.

"We have to keep reading," Harry suddenly spoke up from the back of the room, efficiently shutting everyone up.

This snapped Ron back to his previous personality. "You don't mean that!" he yelped in horror, twisting to look at his best mate in horror. "Please, Harry, tell me that you don't bloody mean that."

"What's gotten into you?" George demanded, looking just as shocked as everyone else in the room.

"I remember now," Harry said determinedly, walking with Ginny back to the group. "I remember that we didn't defeat that Sue last time because we never completed the story. We've got to read it all the way through this time."

"Well aren't you a glutton for self-punishment?" Draco sneered, standing up angrily. "Although, contrary to popular belief, I'm not. I want nothing more to do with this rubbish."

"You have to," Harry simply replied, his face still set in a grim martyr's expression. "You have to care."

"Come again, Potter?" Draco asked, his voice hot and angry. "I think I heard you give me an order."

"We all have to read during our turns, otherwise we can't keep going," Harry explained. "I remembered that, too."

"Well that is complete rot," Draco spat, slowly standing up. "I refuse to participate in this idiotic practice that Potter is so happy to sign us all up for." Once on his feet, Draco stalked to sit amongst some of the bookcases. "Nothing you can bloody say will bloody change that."

Once gone, everyone stared after Draco and a few looked like they might even agree with him. However, because it was a Malfoy, none dared to follow his example. Most would rather sit through the torture than follow a Malfoy.

Hermione put a calming hand on Harry's shoulder and gave him a very significant look. "We'll get around to him later." Harry nodded in understanding and took his seat back, with Ginny right by his side. He still didn't look very pleased.

"Watch out, mate!" Ron suddenly shrieked. "She touched your clothes, now dirt is gonna get all over them!!!"

Hermione turned to look at her boyfriend and widened her eyes at him. Harry also looked surprised, having missed Ron's previous slanderous episode, and Ginny looked as if she might slap her brother herself. Ron blushed and looked down.

"Sorry, Hermione," he mumbled.

Hermione sighed and took a deep breath. "It's fine, Ron. I know it's not your fault." She turned to Ginny and added, "You'd better finish that chapter up."

"Any objections?" Harry added, glancing around the room. No one moved a muscle in protest.

Ginny frowned but obediently found the book and took her seat again. She knew that she had to support Harry's plan if she wanted to save their marriage after this was all over with. Still, she took no pleasure in it, though.

Ginny flipped through the pages, trying to find the right paragraph, and then began to read again.

"_Are u ok Ron?" Draco asked tearfully, holding his friend's pale, bloodless hands. _(Draco could be heard moving further away from the group.)

"_I was just rememburing Tanya Aquamarine," Ron moaned, some color coming back to his face. "I miss her so much and I will nvr evr stop."_ (Ron looked noticeably better by this time, which he took as a relief.)

"_None of us either," Draco and Harry sighed. _

"_I know what we need to do!" Draco grinned, his sexy face breaking into a wide grin. _

"_What?" Ron and Harry gasped together._

"_We need to watch some episodes of Grey's Anatomy!" Draco grinned. "That ALWAYS puts us in a better mood." _

"What's Grey's Anatomy?" Dean wondered, turning to Hermione with interest.

Hermione frowned with concentration, glad to actually have to apply her mind to something. "I believe it's some kind of telly show. I don't watch it, though. My mum does, I think. It's a show about a hospital."

"Oh!" Dean replied, looking rather surprised. "So it has some educational value?"

Hermione shrugged. "Supposedly. It's a hospital, isn't it?"

_They all sat down in front uf their T.V. to play there DVDs of Grey's Anatomy. _

_McDreamy came onscreen and all of them squealed and talked about how amazing he was in his white uniform. Then Mer-Mer came on and they started talking about how McDream and Meredith totally belonged to be with each other._

_Harry could hardly believe it when he saw Meredith tell McDreamy that she didn't love him anymore and that it was time for them to move on._

"_You bitch!" all three of them screamed._

"I thought this was supposed to be a telly show about a _hospital_?" George commented, seeming to be in a better state of mind than earlier. "Why are they only talking about relationships between Meredith and… McDreamy?"

"Well, I suppose it's one of those misleading types," Ginny contributed. "Like when Hermione had me watch that program that was supposed to be about a doctor but then it got very strange and wizard-like." She shook her head, telling everyone else that she thought the whole experience was distasteful. "Really, Hermione, that was just bloody ridiculous."

"For the last time," Hermione snapped. "The show was called _Doctor Who_! That doesn't mean he was supposed to be a _medical_ doctor!"

"Bollocks," Ginny rolled her eyes and purposefully picked the book back up again to read.

_After twenty episodes, the boys finally began to cry more than Meredith. The show just made them miss their honeybunnies more than eva! _("For Merlin's sake, this is so old.")

"_Tomorrow's the day," Harry declared. "That we get our revenge!"_

"_Yeah!" the other two chorused, raising their fists in the air. _(Ron, against his will, ended up raising his fist into the air as well. The disgusted noises from the beyond bookshelves proved that Draco did as well.)

_Just then, a message was slipped under their door and evil cackling was heard from the outside. _

_Shaking, Harry went to get the letter. He looked at Draco and Ron with shaking hands and he looked like he was going to cryee. _

"_It's from Them," he said, his voice a mix between anger and rage. _

"_Open it," Draco said softly, taking Harry's free hand in comfort. Ron took Draco's in comfort as well._

_Harry, with shaking fingers, opened his letter even though his fingers shook so badly he could hardly believe it. Inside, it said:_

_Dear Hawt Trio,_

_We have killed your loves. If u want 2 get revenge on us, don't evn try. We are 2 powrful for u and u will ttly lose. We'll kill u like we killed those girls. _

_Peace,_

_DGFKHG_

_(Dude Guys For Killing Hawt Girls) (And Their Boyfriends)_

"_Those sick basterds," Draco growled, sounding very sexy._

"_They think that this is going to scare us?" Harry shouted, taking out his lighter and setting the letter on feyer. "They are ded wrong."_

"_Maybe we should ask McDreamy what we should do," Draco decided, with Ron obviously backing him up._

"Oh Merlin," Neville said, looking a strange mixture between fascinated and frightened. "Are we going to meet this strange McDreamy person?"

"It seems that way," Hermione groaned, burying her face in her hands. "It'll be like speaking with my mum about him, which can become very tedious."

_Before they could summon McDreamy, though, there was a bright, white flash of light. All of the boys lost conciousness and everything went black._

"Whoa," Ginny mused, raising her eyebrows. "I actually, truly did not see that one coming."

Ginny looked up from the pages of her book and saw that both her brother was completely unconscious. Ron at least had the good fortune of having been on a couch beforehand. Draco, from the sound of it, had fallen back into a stack of books and was probably lying underneath a huge, heavy pile.

"Oh, for the love of…" Hermione muttered, once more taking to checking Ron's forhead and pulse.

"Harry, why aren't _you_ passed out?" George asked in a somewhat accusing manner, obviously concerned for his youngest brother.

Harry sighed and shook his head. "It's a bloody curse."

"It's miraculous," Hermione noted, turning away from Ron for a moment. "Really, Harry, it is. You are totally unaffected by the book even though you're the main character." She paused. "Or, second main character…"

"It's just my luck I guess," Harry shrugged. "Isn't it always this way?"

**A/N: Sorry if that seemed… rushed.**

**Please review! :)**


	19. EvilButStillHot Twin Brothers

**A/N: So… this one was ESPECIALLY late. Please reference the usual apology. Thanks to everyone who has been sticking around!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own ****Harry Potter**

"Hey, has anyone else noticed that we have _other _problems besides Harry's martyrdom?" George asked crossly, waving a hand over towards where Draco was supposed to be unconscious. "It's _Malfoy's_ turn to read and he's currently passed out among some books and old records!"

Hermione's mouth made a small _o_ shape as her eyes shifted between Ron and the bookshelves. "Oh, well… I'd nearly forgotten." She grimaced with distaste for the problem ahead of her. "That certainly _is_ a problem."

"Can't someone else just read next?" Seamus asked, immediately regretting it as he did. He thought that maybe everyone else would consider him a volunteer for such a position.

"Sure!" Luna said brightly, while Hermione simultaneously muttered, "I don't know…"

"What could possibly happen, Hermione?" Harry asked, rather exasperated. "We've already got two unconscious blokes. What _else_ could possibly go wrong in _five minutes_?"

Ginny gave her husband a _Did you really just ask that?_ glare, which he ignored.

"Whatever," Hermione muttered, resting her hand on Ron's wrist to maintain his pulse. She was obviously distracted and frowning in concentration. "Do whatever you like. I don't bloody care."

An awkward moment passed in which everyone glanced at the other, wondering who would take an extra turn for Malfoy. None of them found the situation very appealing, particularly Harry. Perhaps that's why he rounded on someone who he thought couldn't possibly back out of it.

"Seamus?" Harry questioned, raising his eyebrows. "It was your idea. Care to do the honors?"

Seamus' eye twitched. "Not really." He took the book anyway, with a surprisingly small amount of resistance and flipped. "Where were we?"

"Harry, Draco, and Ron were kidnapped," Dean said, rolling his eyes in annoyance.

Seamus gave a short nod and found the appropriate spot. Without warning, he began reading (at a nearly unnatural speed) with his fists clenched tightly around the sides of the book.

_Chapter Fourteen!_

_The boyz woke up in a dark, totally smelly, totally gross room. _("Oh Merlin, here we go again.") _All of their eyeliner was missing and they had on totally preppy, totally ugly clothes! It was enough to make them want to vomit and start crying. WHat torture! _

_So, then they tried to figure out where they were. _("Real geniuses you boys are," Ginny snorted.) _However, it was too dark and stinky for them to actually figure it out. They were trappeded_

_Then, they heard footsteps coming towards them. They were shaking with fear but none of them dared to show it._

"_I love you guys," Harry swore, grasping his wand firmly in his hand in case he had to throw it at the man coming towards them. _("Oh, for the love of…" "Shh!")

_Ron nodded in understanding while Draco grabbed both of their hands for support._

In reality, Ron jerked awake and began looking around in confusion. "What the bloody hell was that all about!?" he grumbled, blinking rapidly to readjust to the light in the room. "I was about to say something and now I'm waking up!"

"Hey!" Seamus cried happily, "That means that Draco's awake too! I don't have to keep reading!"

"Why don't you keep going while I fetch him?" George suggested, getting up to his feet and already walking towards Draco's hiding spot. Everyone glared after him and wished that they had thought of this excuse first.

Not seeing the harm in it, Seamus decided not to argue. He was in too good of a mood and under the impression that it would only be a few seconds longer of torture.

_The man came and knocked both Ron and Draco unconscious, leaving him alone with Harry. _

"Wait—" Ron began to protest and then promptly slumped back into the couch, unconscious, causing Hermione to swear profusely.

"Stop bloody passing out!" She took his pulse again and wasn't aware of anyone else in the room. "Stupid, wonky, idiotic—"

Seamus stared down at the page in growing horror. "No way." He blinked and reread the page again. "No. Fucking. Way."

"Seamus…" Ginny warned, recognizing the characteristic reddening of his face and clenching fists. He was about to throw a tantrum if they didn't deter him right away. "Come on, you've just got to keep reading."

Seamus twitched again but kept his mouth shut.

George came back to the group, scowling a little. "That Malfoy is such a wanker! He's pretending that he can't wake up just so he doesn't have to read! I mean, of all the bloody selfish—"

"No, the Sue knocked him out again," Luna filled him in, smiling a little. "Seamus has got to keep reading."

"Ah, Merlin," George swore, sending a sympathetic glance to the Irishman before sitting back down.

Suddenly, Teddy was crying again, reminding the adults of his presence. His face had turned bright red in his emotion and his hair was colored to match. The sight would have been comical in any other setting.

Hermione jumped, feeling incredibly guilty about having forgotten him on the chair. She left Ron's side for a moment to snatch him up, bouncing him comfortingly. This only made him cry louder and harder, however, and now Ginny and Harry were grimacing in guilt as well.

Looking flustered, Hermione turned to Luna. "Luna, he likes you. Would you care to take him for a while?"

Luna looked a little surprised and then strangely pleased at the suggestion. She carefully scooped the young boy up from Hermione's arms and held his angry, crying face up close to her own.

"Come on little boy," she cooed and walked dreamily towards the back of the Library. "I'll tell you a story about the Garflunks if you stop crying." By the time that the two of them had disappeared into a sea of books, Teddy's crying had decreased significantly.

"Why did you leave him with _Luna_?" George asked, giving Hermione a very strange look. "She's mad!"

"She's the most relaxed of all of us," Hermione snapped, sitting back down next to Ron. "He likes her hair." She shrugged, signifying that this was the sole logic behind her decision and no one dared to question it further.

"Keep going Seamus," Ginny encouraged, noticing how Seamus seemed to be inching his way out of his seat. He scowled but stayed still, bringing the book once more up to his face.

_Harry threw his wand at the man with all of his might, crying tears for his sleepy comrades. However, the man ducked and Harry was left defenseless_. ("Yeah, because he's being a bloody twat and not using his magic!" Ginny snapped.)

"_What do you want!?!" Harry screamed in his most manly voice. "What do you want from us!?"_

"_I want to kill you," the man hissed, raising a gun into the air._ ("What exactly is a—" "It's not worth it, George, believe me. It kills people and that's all you need to know.")

_Harry tried hard not to cry and stood protectively over the bodies of his friends. "Fine. Kill me. You'll just be giving me what I want. I could not live another day without Acacya and I certainly don't plan on it. So kill me, mystery man. Just kill me!111!1" _

_The man's gun hesitated and he was quiet. "You would just let yourself be killed?"_

"_Yes," Harry spat, his voice breaking in sexy emotion. "Yes. I feel like Romeo from Twilight, if that sums it up for you!" _("Oh, please just kill him," Dean sighed.)

_The man paused. "Yes. Yes, it does." He sighed. "I cannot kill you now."_

_Harry's heart broke when he heard this. He wanted nothing more than to die and he knew that Ron and Draco felt the same way. _("That's a tad presumptuous!")

"_Are you the one that killed Acacya, Sophye, and Tanya Aquamarine?" Harry growled, clenching his fists. "Are you the one?"_

"_No," the man admitted, "but I work for him. He stepped forward into the pale moonlight streaming through bars in a window. He was revealed to be…_

_ALBUS DUMBLEDORE'S EVIL-BUT-HOT TWIN BROTHER NAMED SAV! _

_Harry gasped, turning his face away in horror. He could not believe that he had nearly been killed by Sav Dumbledore. _

"Really?" Harry shouted, making his first complaint since the new chapter began. "Really?"

"Yes," Seamus agreed solemnly, turning the book to face the others for proof. "It's true. So bloody true."

"Really?" Harry repeated, jumping up from his chair and looking fit to kill the next person who tried to speak to him. "This is just too far, too far." His sudden burst of anger was disturbing to all of his friends and most of them found that they couldn't think of a way to respond.

"Agreed," Hermione said softly from behind him, no longer fussing over Ron. "I can't believe I'm hearing it either."

"This girl is—" Harry began to say, shaking his head. He changed his train of thought. "When I track her down I'm going to—"

"Harry!" Ginny cried, grabbing his hand and making him stand still for a moment. "There will be plenty of time for that once we're out of here. For now, though, we can't waste any more time. It's getting close to evening as it is." She jerked her chin toward a window and everyone noticed for the first time that that sun was nearly set.

Harry took a deep breath and seemed to be a bit calmer than before. "I'm not forgetting about this," he swore, looking hard at Ginny. "This bitch is going to pay."

Harry sat down and began rubbing his forehead agitatedly. Seamus hesitated before continuing on with the story.

"_Yes, it's me, Harry," Sav said, lowering his sexy voice so that others could not hear him. "And I need you to help me. Can you do that?"_

"_How can I help someone involved with killing Acacya?" Harry spat, wheeling away from Sav. "Besides, Albus Dawg warned me about you. He said you were pure evil. Why should I help you?" His hair was standing sexily on end with the heat of his anger. _("Okay, 'sexy' cannot POSSIBLY describe everything that Harry does.")

_Sav hesitated. "Because I know how to bring Acacya back." _

_Harry's shoulders stiffened and then slumped in defeat. "What do you need me to do?"_

_Sav smiled widely and broke a nearby window with his fist. "Escape."_

_Harry looked wide-eyed at Sav and then grabbed Ron and Draco's arms. With his brute, sexy strength he lifted them and began carrying them through the window. _

"_I'll meet you back at your hotel in Rio," Sav promised, waving a tanned, muscular hand in farewell. "Gather your things and be ready to move. We have a lot of planning to do."_

"_We have a number we've been working on," Harry added helpfully. "We think it's gonna be a killer, fetch." _

"_Perfect," Sav cackled. "I look forward to seeing it." He winked at Harry and Harry felt himself blush a little. Sav was much more attractive than his brother, after all. "Sorry for trying to kill you, by the way."_

"_Nah, it's all cool, man," Harry coolly said, making fake guns with his fingers, shooting them at Sav and then winking. _("What a strange, strange thing to do," George observed.)

_With that, Harry took off in a dead run back to Rio, with Draco and Ron firmly in his hands. _

Seamus carefully marked the page and then set the book back down. "There."

However, everyone's eyes were back at the window towards the setting sun. They couldn't believe that so much time had passed. Suddenly, their chances of escaping seemed especially slim.

"We should try conjuring some food," Hermione suggested, brushing her hair out of her face and taking charge again. "No wonder Teddy was so cranky."

"You think you could conjure up some firewhiskey, too?" Harry asked, slumping back into his chair. "I could really use a drink."

Hermione, feeling a flash of Prefect distaste, responded with, "Conjure it yourself, Golden Boy."

Ginny snorted, a little amused with Hermione's biting retort. "I think we could _all _use a drink."

**A/N: Please review!**


	20. Poison, Lemons, and DVD

**A/N: So… yeah. Three months of absence. Really, I am so sorry for anyone who might have been watching for an update. Hopefully this chapter can make up for my ridiculous lapse between chapters? And hopefully I'll be updating regularly again because it's the summer and I have no excuse. ;) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own ****Harry Potter**

Hermione was concentrating and trying to decide which food would be the best to try and conjure. This was become increasingly difficult, however, with everyone shouting their own personal favorites so loudly that all of Hermione's own common sense seemed to have flown out the window. She was beginning to wonder why she should even bother but then remembered that she was about to pass out from hunger.

"Conjure up a big roasted pig!" George suggested, his stomach rumbling loudly as a sign of his near starvation.

"Firewhiskey!" Harry shouted aggressively, trying to drown out George. His head was throbbing and he was certain the only way to fix it would be to get absolutely plastered. He was also hoping that this plan could make the chapter reading that much more bearable, but he could hardly dare to even hope.

"Bread pudding!" Seamus tried, his mouth nearly watering for some of the bread pudding that used to be served at the Hogwarts feasts. With a start, Seamus realized that he hadn't had a craving for bread pudding since his last real year at Hogwarts.

Hermione took a deep breath and tried to think rationally. Her rational thought decided to conjure up some plain bread. It would be good for a trial run. Really, Hermione didn't even expect her half-hearted flick of her wand to actually yield any results.

She muttered the curse and then prepared herself for disappointed groans that would inevitably fill the room. Instead, a loaf of freshly baked bread dropped on the table with a nearly deafening thump. Hermione blinked in amazement at the miracle staring her in the face. Before she could even make another move, everyone one else was dashing for the bread like ravenous wolves. Quickly, Hermione conjured several more (she knew better than to really get to thinking about how this was possible as she knew it would drive her even more insane) and then tried to think of what else to conjure.

George noticed Hermione's distress. He got closer to her and lowered his voice down to a whisper. "Pig! Pig! Pig! Pig!"

Hermione rolled her eyes but then decided that it wasn't such a bad idea. She thoughtfully conjured some plates and then the pork, which turned out to be salted exactly to George's liking. Despite the strangeness and the slight sense of foreboding that the event brought, no one really cared enough to avoid eating the food all together.

"Firewhiskey!" Hermione shot a disapproving glance at Harry, feeling a twinge of her old sixteen year-old self resurfacing.

"Fine," Harry grumbled. "I'll just conjure it myself."

Hermione narrowed her eyes. "Harry Potter, don't you dare." Harry stubbornly pulled his wand out of his robe pocket and gave it a good flick along with the spell that Hermione had just used. However, a full bottle of firewhiskey failed to appear.

"Oh, for the love of Merlin," Hermione sighed, walking away from a very bemused Harry to grab a few plates of food. She wasn't in the mood for Acacya's mind games and she had to save some food for Luna and Teddy before George ate out the entire supply.

Finally, all of the food was out and being devoured. Hermione decided to compromise on Harry's (and several other members' as well) need for alcohol and conjured some butterbeer. Harry didn't seem to find this to be a compromise at all but accepted it with minimal complaining. He always thought that butterbeer was best for comfort food anyway.

"Be sure to save some for Ron!" Hermione shouted over the irritating noise of forks being dropped against plates. "And Draco," she added, having already forgotten about her least favorite Slytherin. "I don't know if I'll be able to conjure anything else separate for them."

The others rolled their eyes at Hermione's worry but still made sure to set aside enough food for the others. "We hear you," Dean managed to grumble before taking another huge bite out of the pork.

"I suppose I should take my turn," Neville said timidly, picking up the pink book. He hadn't finished all of his food yet but none of the others seemed to notice his sacrifice.

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea." George emphasized this with a quick clap to the shoulder and a nod. Neville grimaced back but didn't complain.

_Chapter Fifteen!_

_Harry ran until he could run no further. Except, Harry has no limits on how far he could run, so he just kept running. _("Of course!" Hermione rolled her eyes.)

_Finally, Harry reached the hotel in Rio. It was rough running over those oceans, but he managed it okay. He didn't drop Draco or Ron even one time. He knew that Acacya would be ttly proud of him, but thinking about her made him break down into manly tears. _

_Ron was the first one to wake back up and Harry couldn't help but notice how wonderful and sexxy he looked, even though he had been knocked unconscious._

Ron promptly opened his eyes again, blinking in confusion and frowning. "What in the bloody hell is going on?" he demanded, cautiously sitting up again. "I remember waking up from a nap or something and then waking up again just now." He looked shiftily between all of the members of the library. "Did someone slip something to me?"

"It's the book," Hermione sighed, rushing over to give her boyfriend a big hug. "She's knocked you and Malfoy out twice now. I'm so glad you're awake."

Ron returned the hug in bewilderment before noticing the food set out in front of him. "Oh, brilliant! You conjured up some food!" Hermione couldn't even be annoyed when Ron nearly pushed past her to get to the salted pork, bread, and butterbeer.

_Then Draco was awake and he looked just as sexxy as Ron. Harry knew that he had the hawtest best friends in the whole world._

"_Harry, you saved us!" both men cried, giving Harry a best friend hug. _

Draco staggered back to the group, his eyes focusing blearily as he tried to take in his surroundings. "Bloody Sue?" he asked, his voice thick and hoarse from sleep.

"Yes," everyone chorused together.

"Of course." Draco was so out of it that he couldn't even object to spending company with people he hated. Without another comment, Draco grabbed the remainders of the meal and ate them unashamedly. He even commented, quietly, that it was probably the best meal he'd ever eaten.

"_What happened?" Draco wanted to know, pulling up a chair. Harry packed all of their belongings as he told the story to them, his voice sounding sexier than it ever had before. _("I highly doubt that," Seamus commented mockingly.)

"_I can't believe that Sav is working with the Dark Lord!" Ron gasped, his eyes wide in amazement. It still looked hawt on him._

"_We don't know it's Lord Moldy Wart," Harry reminded his friend with a wink. _

"_What are you going to have to do for him?" Draco wanted to know, slicking his hair back into place and reapplying his eyeliner. _

"_I don't know," Harry replied. His mussed his hair once as he thought about it. He was a little nervous about Sav's request and hoped that he wouldn't have to kill anyone. He would rather do other things (teehee) than kill someone for Sav. Because Harry is a good person. _("Oh, give it a rest!")

"_We're so proud of you," Draco cooed, giving Harry another hug. This hug, when Ron joined in, turned into a different sort of hug entirely._

Neville hastily flipped through the pages and didn't even bother to blush or faint or make any kind of complaint.

Harry, Ron, and Draco, however, didn't have the same kind of decency. Harry promptly began to choke on a piece of bread and slowly turned gray until Ginny gave him a hefty slap in the back (Harry insisted later that the tears streaming down his face were an effect from choking on meat but no one believed him). Ron stopped eating to turn and glare darkly at Draco, as if it was Draco's fault that there was this sudden twist in the story. Draco, who was much more alert now, turned his own pinching face towards Neville and his hands gripped his wand so tightly that Neville began to fear for his life.

"Knock it off," Hermione scolded without looking up from her butterbeer. "I don't want this to be held up any longer than it already has been. I know none of you have listened to me yet, but I will try until you twats finally do."

Too frightened to even think carefully about his decision, Neville launched back into the story.

_With all of the things finally packed (twitterteehee) the boys were just waiting for Sav to show up again._

"_Was he as beautiful as the stories say?" Ron asked while the boys all played Four Square __**(PSSR A/N: THAT'S MY FAVORITE GAME EVAH! HEE!) **_

"_Even more beautiful," Harry sighed, recalling the beautiful blonde hair that fell to Sav's shoulders and his crystal blue eyes. The eyes that reminded him of Acacya's eyes and made Harry start to cry some more. "I miss Acacya!"_

"_I miss Sophye!" Draco screamed._

"_I miss Tanya Aquamarine!" Ron screamed._

"_I'm here to help you fine young men," Sav said, chuckling darkly. "You just have to do a few things for me first."_

"_I'll do anything," Harry declared and Ron and Draco agreed quickly._

"Okay, so who is Sav?" Ron finally cut in. He even set his hunk of bread down long enough to ask the question, despite how hungry he still felt.

"Dumbledore's hot twin brother," Ginny filled her brother in. "Fraternal twins, I assume."

Ron paused uncertainly. "Really?" Ginny nodded and gave her brother sad shrug. "That's sick," he said before picking his bread back up and continuing his meal.

"_First," Sav instructed, "I need you to buy five lemons." Harry nodded sexily to show that he understood. "Then, I need you to buy a copy of __**Giggly Girls: Hawt In New York City Town**__." _

"_Acacya's second favorite show," Harry said mournfully._

"_Lastly, I need you to make a map of Rio and then give it to me." Harry knew he could do that. He was an expert at making maps. He loved making stick figures of himself walking down the paths and the usually unlabeled landmarks. _("That is quite a map!")

"_And then what?" Harry asked, still not fully trusting Sav. Sav smiled._

"_Do what I instructed first. I'll explain more laterz."_

"_Kk," Harry agreed, sealing the deal with a handshake. "Ttly, man."_

_Sav disappeared in a puff of smoke, which was how all of the super powerful wizards got around. Harry could do it if he wanted but he preferred the normal wizard method because he's so modest and happy. _("Seriously. Give it a rest.")

"_Where are we going to buy lemons!" Draco groaned, burying his face sadly in his big sad hands. (tee hee, he has big hands)_

"_And where in Rio are we going to find __**Giggly Girls**__!" Ron moaned, equally distraught. _

"_I thought I saw some lemon trees outside of the hotel," Harry said decisively. "And, I mean, what country DOESN'T carry copies of __**Giggl Girls: Hawt In New York City Town**__?" This gave the boys lots and lots of hope. _("I feel like the authoress doesn't know anything about Rio," Dean mused.)

"_I'll start climbing some trees," Draco volunteered, feeling more alive than he had all day. It had been a very difficult day. A lot had happened and now Draco was finally starting to feel a little relief._

"_I'll go with you!" Ron volunteered, jumping up after his good friend. Ron was certain that he would never look at another woman ever again. But he could be happy one day. And if Sav was telling the truth and he could truly bring back his beloved…_

_Eagerly, the two boys scampered outside. _(Harry snorted. "Scamper…")

_Harry knew exactly where to look for __**Giggly Girls: Hawt In New York City Town**__. He was gonna go to… the MEGA MALL MAGICAL MYSTERY STORE! Rio had twelve of them and one of them was just across the street from the hotel. It was perfect! And even more perfect when Harry remembered that Justin Beiber guest starred in this season of __**Giggly Girls**__. Score! _("Sorry," Neville apologized. "I don't know if pronounced that correctly or not. What kind of a last name is Beiber?")

"_Score!" Harry shouted as he clutched the DVD pack in his hand. Beiber WAS in the season!_

"Hey," Seamus tried to interrupt as he stared intently down at the slice of bread he had yet to eat. "There's something wonky with my bread."

"Shut it Seamus," Ginny snapped irritably. "There's nothing wrong with your bread. Only _you_ could get drunk off of butterbeer. Now let Neville finish."

Seamus made a face behind Ginny's head and watched with some delight as she absently finished up the rest of her own dinner. He could wait to tell her what exactly it was he had seen in the bread. For the time being, he set his own aside. He wanted proof for later.

_Happier than he had been all day, Harry skipped back to the hotel. There, Draco and Ron were all packed and ready for him, with lots of lemons to spare._

"_I thought that we could use the lemons that Sav doesn't need to make lemonade!" Draco squealed, clapping his hands quickly and happily. _(Draco choked for a moment on his pork but otherwise acted as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.)

"_And there was even a tomato tree nearby!" Ron eagerly added. _(Everyone broke into brief, uncontrollable laughter at this prospect before quickly falling silent again.) _Ron held his barrel of tomatoes up proudly for everyone to see. "We can have a ttly awesome salad now!"_

"_I'll draw the map," Harry volunteered. He pulled a sheet of paper out of his pants. _("Harry, do you REALLY carry parchment in your trousers?" Ginny teased her husband, earning few laughs.) _He stared down at the paper and pencils came out of Harry's eyeballs, drawing a totally hawt picture of Rio that was so accurate and so perfect and amazing. _("That's not even a little bit cool," Seamus grunted disapprovingly.)

_Sav appeared again and looked at the boys approvingly. "You've done well."_

"_What do you need all of this stuff for?" Harry asked, handing over the lemons and the DVD set and the map._

"_For a boy's night, of course!" Sav giggled. "I'm gonna take you to our hideout and then we're gonna bond all night long."_

"_Yay!" all three of the hot boys squealed at once. _("Oh, I'm getting nauseous," Ron complained. "I shouldn't have eaten after all.")

"_So that's why you wanted __**Giggly Girls**__," Harry sighed, glad to have a mystery resolved. He should have known all along that Sav was a kindred spirit._

"_Come on, you guys!" Sav said, holding out his arm. "We gotta get going."_

_The boys took one last sad look back around their hotel room. They'd had some good times in this hotel room._

_Then, the boyz walked over to Sav, took his arm, and were taken away to his magical hideout._

"Well, that wasn't so bad," Neville shrugged, tossing the book onto the seat and sliding back into his own spot. "It was less mind numbing than other chapters." Neville paused and then a mischievous smirk was crossing his face. "Except for that orgy, of course." Neville decided that Harry, Ron, and Draco's screams of agony were worth reading the awful chapter.

After the boys had recovered Hermione had some more bad news.

"I suppose that it's Harry's turn again," she pointed out, only to be silenced by one of Harry's death glares. Everyone was relieved to see that Harry was back in the mood for fighting against the book, however. They much preferred Obnoxious Harry to Quiet Harry. Quiet Harry was the type of person to just go out and kill people in a post-traumatic state.

"Fine," Harry sighed, picking up the book that Neville had just released.

Finally, Seamus decided it was his time to speak up. "You know, I noticed something rather odd." Ginny rolled her eyes, but before she could get a word out Seamus had said something that stunned everyone in the room. "I found some bright pink sparkles in my bread."

"Are you sure?" Hermione asked, her voice shaking. Seamus handed her the remainder of his bread without a word. Hermione examined it and then she saw the sparkles for herself. They were a faint color and practically unnoticeable until she started looking for them. "Oh, Merlin."

Draco and Ron, who were still in the process of eating their dinner, immediately set their plates down and shoved them as far away as possible. They would go hungry before they let themselves be poisoned.

"So. We all ate that. And there were suspicious pink sparkles in it the whole time," Harry restated, as if to make sure that he heard everyone correctly.

"It seems that way," Hermione breathed, setting the bread back onto the table. Her face had turned very gray and she slumped in her seat in an attempt to keep from falling out of it.

Once Hermione, one of the people that was the most trusted in the entire Wizarding World, announced that their food was drugged, all hell broke loose. Amid the pandemonium (namely Harry beating his head against a table, Draco screaming and curling into a fetal position, and Hermione crying uncontrollably) Ginny had a sudden horrible realization.

"Teddy! Luna!" she screamed and raced for the back of the Library.

**A/N: Oh, nothing against Four Square. I used to love that game. However, please note the tense that was written in. **


End file.
